Readers will note the odd implication that the level of serious criminal behaviour at any given time should somehow conform to the amount of prison space you have at that time. As if the moral gravity of a criminal act, and likelihood of recidivism and danger to the public, should be determined by whether or not you can be bothered to build another dungeon.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including some fairly unambiguous hippo displeasure; a planet-wide guide to what people are doing right now; artefacts of the FBI; and a vigorously athletic use of the buttocks.
Crack And Badger
Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure what loving one’s body might mean, beyond the obvious off-colour jokes. But apparently, it’s something that one is supposed to proclaim as an accomplishment, a credential of progressivism. I have, however, noted that it tends to be announced by people whose declared triumph in this matter is not altogether convincing, and whose basis for doing so is generally much slimmer than they are.
It must be quite strange to go through life feeling a need to boast in print of some pointed behaviour – specifically, “showing my sons what a real woman’s body… looks like” – as if this feat of not wearing knickers were somehow radical, empowering, and a basis for applause. And to then have to justify this lifestyle affectation in ways that are somewhat contradictory and not particularly convincing. As if no-one would notice. It seems a lot of effort.
On the cost of pervert inclusivity; on Trump-induced hair-loss; and on not wearing knickers as the height of progressive parenting.
Peer-Reviewed, You Say
From the Journal of Lesbian Studies – tree licking, bestiality, and politically radical masturbation.
Any Widening Of The Eyes Will Result In Detention
And then there’s the not insignificant matter of introducing an element of transvestite farce into the classroom, which may result in children being distracted from the task at hand by the perhaps more immediate question of what the strange man in the wig and padded push-up bra sees when he looks in a mirror.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including a scenic toilet; feats of camera-manning; a tribute to the barf bag; an unwelcome wobble; and waffle-stomping as an environmentalist’s solemn duty.
There Usually Is
Scientists at Europe’s Large Hadron Collider have successfully transformed lead into gold.
Our Betters In All Their Glory
On the intersectional perils of video conferencing; a plan to cool the planet with compulsory dance lessons; and an empowered feminist is exhausted by hiring servants, planning holidays, and brushing her daughter’s hair.
Their Inner Loveliness
One might think that gangs of masked misfits following elderly and disabled people to their cars, then obstructing their attempts to leave, while generally menacing them and muttering vivid threats, might constitute a breach of the peace, to say the least. Causing fear and alarm is the obvious intention.
And remember, the targets in the videos above – the unimposing, the elderly, the disabled – are chosen deliberately and with glee. Because that’s who they are, these mighty warriors of the Cluster B Tendency. Malevolence is their aphrodisiac, their euphoria. It’s how they feel important. It’s how they process the buzzing noise inside their own heads.
A peek at the psychology of Antifa’s Transgender Enforcement Wing, for whom menacing the elderly and disabled is the cutting edge of radical piety.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including how to scare children; a compendium of near misses; some not entirely successful automation; and the very modern woes of the very modern slut.
World Of Basket Weaving
A return to the Dark Ages is always possible. You just have to put people who write for The Guardian in charge of everything.
Aversions
According to Zoe, those who’d prefer not to be assailed by thunderous basslines at 4am, or to have their evenings enlivened by small, terrified animals falling from the sky, are merely being cruel, “dehumanising,” and needlessly judgemental. For Zoe, the problem with ‘problem families’ is simply that they’re poor, and nothing whatsoever to do with how they choose to abuse their equally poor neighbours.
In the world of our Guardian columnist, we – by which she means you – should be “unstigmatising,” which is to say, non-judgemental. Passive and accepting, on an indefinite basis. A process via which empathy, or feigned empathy, is shifted from the working-class victim of crime and antisocial behaviour to the working-class perpetrator of crime and antisocial behaviour, on grounds that the thug or criminal is in some way being oppressed and, unlike their neighbours, being made to misbehave.
For Fake Nail Enthusiasts
Significant, You Say
A man named Silvia struggles with convention.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including upscale ice cubes; how to repair a butterfly; a posture-optimised toilet; a crime-scene doll’s house; and the many penises of the Bayeux Tapestry.
When The Solution Involves Pretending
On misplaced faith in cardboard; on danger as something you can pretend away; on malice with impunity; and on solving crime by claiming the victims don’t exist.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including vigorous inhaling; a vertical mouse; a fool-proof test of heterosexuality; and deep, sweet rumblings from a rest-stop bathroom.
Very Much In Agreement
Land Of Make-Believe
On the evaporating standards of “affirmative psychotherapy”:
Sharp-eyed readers may have registered the seeming absence of curiosity, of enquiry – say, regarding very common causes of the phenomenon in question. Readers may also wish to ponder the inevitable tensions between affirmation and investigation – and to place bets on which will be dispensed with in favour of the other. In this Yes, You Are Napoleon school of psychotherapy, where the unwell must always be told whatever they want to hear. Possibly before being steered towards irreversible mutilation and lifelong pain.
Or, when pretending is the highest possible virtue.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including brave knights battling snails; an unorthodox landing; and a toilet versus a rotisserie chicken.