Including weaponised astrology; drywall toast; when the dog eats your pretend penis; a radical deployment of adhesive tape; and, obviously, transgender candles.
For Buoyancy, Perhaps
On changing rooms, inclusiveness, and fake rubber boobs:
You see, when you’re about to get undressed in a women’s changing room and you realise you’re being watched by a balding pervert in an overtly sexual micro-thong, and with fake rubber knockers attached to his person, this is just part and parcel of being sensitive and inclusive. Apparently, we must learn to embrace modernity and its many sophistications. Especially the ladies.
The words alleyway and beating come to mind.
Her Fascinating Complications
“Does it feel dysphoric because it’s long, or does it feel better because it’s long?”
“A little bit of both. It kind of changes every day.”
Welcome to the world of hair dysphoria.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including an uncanny happening; the crocodilian phallus; the thrill of British place-name pronunciation; and the Atom Men and the Highlanders, circa 1958.
His Hypothetical Partner
From that organ of Our Betters – the New York Times Magazine – a question of throbbing import.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including an obliging boob nudge; a breach of poolside etiquette; how to shrink your lungs; and the last word in 1960s espionage essentials.
May Contain Drama
Or, Shakespeare For The Tremulous And Neurotic:
Readers will doubtless recall the Chichester Festival Theatre warning patrons that its production of The Sound of Music, one of the most famous and widely-seen musicals in the world, would contain references to Nazis. Which, for some, would apparently come as a surprise. More recently, the Royal Shakespeare Company felt it necessary to forewarn visitors that its production of Hans Christian Andersen’s dark fairy tale The Red Shoes features both loud music and “haze.” Because in a tale of mind-controlling shoes and amputated feet, the haze is the thing you really want to watch out for.
Also, Shakespeare’s Tempest includes bad weather. And no, I’m not joking.
Eighteen Years
Oddments For The Weekend
Including some toilet-related suspense; a getaway of note; a brief history of Super Glue; and a beginner’s guide to nuclear physics, explained with Fuzzy Felt.
Scenes From Current Year
A possible series on a theme of belated pushback.
What, These Knockers Here?
I bring news from academia. Just don’t stare at the breasts.
Our Betters Issue Threats
A boast of impending vandalism, a struggle with logic.
Oddments For The Weekend
Including the unforeseen hazards of time travel; wipe-clean fashions; some unwelcome swelling; difficulties when boiling water; and how to build your own omni-directional bike.
All this and more.
But Paying Attention Is Hard
As we’re in the realm of the excruciatingly woke, the terms violence and trauma are of course misused and deliberately misleading.
On reinventing maths teaching to flatter the selfish and disruptive.
I Know, Let’s All Film Our Mental Breakdowns
As Mr Trump unboxes his kettle in the White House, I’m going to offer this reminder of the meltdowns and moon-howling that greeted his election victory. Such were the feats of pretension and competitive neuroticism, some kind of historical document seems in order.
Unreliable Narrators
Oddments For The Weekend
Including visitors from the asteroid belt; a collection of Doctor Who title cards; on mathematics and the Moon; a brief history of arsenic; and eating uranium, circa 1985.
Don’t Look Directly At It
During the lengthy interview quoted above, Walgreens CEO Tim Wentworth hints at the development of “creative” solutions for customers demoralised by unimpeded thieving and the subsequent lockdown status of many stores. Paying customers, a seemingly shrinking demographic, will, we’re assured, be offered a “better… in-store experience” via “new scheduling optimisation logic” and “leveraging our omnichannel capabilities.”
Oddly, Mr Wentworth, whose business is planning to close another 450 stores during the coming year, avoids any use of the words shoplifting, looting, or theft.