Category: Not Quite News

Strangest Items Available from Amazon

Not Quite News 8 Comments

Classic Gag/Novelty Hits

  • Yodeling Pickle — A plastic pickle that yodels when you press a button.
  • Handerpants — Tiny underwear-shaped gloves that fit over your hands.
  • Wearable Shark Blanket — A wearable blanket designed so it looks like a shark is swallowing you.
  • Screaming Goat — A small figurine (often paired with a book) that lets out a loud goat scream when activated.
  • Original Poop Knife — A long-handled silicone/metal tool inspired by a legendary Reddit story, marketed for “chopping” oversized deposits.

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“Instagram Boyfriend” Joke Writing Contest

If Women Ran The World Insufferable Twits Mischief Is Important Not Quite News 25 Comments

A contest you say?! Yes, but one with no official prizes. Just the pride in showing off your funny bone.

This video suggests that Justin Trudeau and Prince Harry have devolved into the role most suited for each of them: Instagram Boyfriend. Here’s an AI slop video showing the two of them with another despicable character, Eileen Gu.

This all got me thinking: there must be a good joke here about these two nitwits and their newfound roles in life. Without sufficient caffeine in my brain while writing this, I came up with nothing. So I asked Grok to help. Here are 3 jokes it came up with about Lil’ Juthin and Dethroned Harry being Instagram Boyfriends:

  1. Justin Trudeau isn’t just Canada’s former PM — he’s also Sophie’s full-time Instagram boyfriend. His real job description? “Must maintain perfect hair while crouching in bushes for the ideal golden-hour shot.”
  2. Prince Harry left the royal family so he could focus on his true calling: being Meghan’s Instagram boyfriend. The monarchy offered him a title; she offered him the chance to hold the phone at exactly 45 degrees.
  3. Trudeau and Harry should start a support group for Instagram boyfriends. Meetings would begin with a solemn pledge: “I solemnly swear to take 47 photos of the same latte until one of them gets more than 10,000 likes.”

I am royally confident that you, dear SDA readers, can come up with something better!

Is the Era of DEI Incompetence at the Louvre now over?

Baiting The Left Not Quite News 3 Comments

Interesting development in Woke France:

The director of the Louvre in Paris has resigned, months after the high-profile theft of France’s crown jewels from one of the world’s most visited museums.

Laurence des Cars submitted her resignation to President Emmanel Macron, who praised her decision at a time when, his office said, the museum needed “calm and a strong new impetus to successfully carry out major projects involving security, and modernisation”.

A new director was appointed on Wednesday – Christophe Leribault, who is currently the director of Palace of Versailles.

Her track record ain’t great.

CPC Leadership

CBC CPC Leadership Not Quite News 75 Comments

Pierre Poilievre wins leadership review with 87.4% approval, Rosemary Barton hardest hit.

Poilievre waltzed into that redneck rodeo town and the whole room of racist trucker-hat-wearing western deplorables lost their minds cheering like he just invented beer or something. He crushed that leadership review with 87% or whatever the hell it was, the party faithful slobbering all over him, screaming like it’s the second coming. Pathetic.

That was the easy part. But the rest of Canada? Please. These un-Canadian clowns don’t speak for the country—they’re just the loudmouth Maple MAGA fringe who love Donald Trump and think affordability means more oil subsidies. He still hasn’t convinced normal people he’s fit to run anything bigger than a backyard BBQ. Hammered the same tired lines about prices and taxes, sure, but dodged anything real that might scare off his adoring hicks.

They say more details are coming, he’s gonna tour and talk. Yeah, sure he is. If he wants anyone outside that echo chamber to take him seriously as PM material, he better start sounding like he wants pandas from Beijing instead of pandering to those yahoos. God, it makes me sick—he was supposed to crash and burn, and instead these idiots propped him right back up.

OK, so I took liberties.

“The world does not work as I imagined”

Not Quite News 1 Comment

A good read.

Spaceman Spiff- I have no idea what is going on

Most of what we see, including apparent populism, is theatre. Decisions are typically made by elites. The rest is scenery and furniture to maintain the illusion of democratic controls.

When we think of elites we imagine wealthy powerful people, an aristocracy who constitute a ruling class. But the reality is more diffuse, with layers of people exerting control representing something closer to an elite hierarchy.

“Corporate Drones”

Not Quite News 9 Comments

The Spectator- Meet the Stepford Employees

The Stepford Employee is characterised by their conformity and submissiveness. Named after the Ira Levin novel and film adaptations The Stepford Wives – in which men in a suburban American town are married to docile female robots – these corporate drones have seemingly abandoned independent thought or action. Their passivity makes them afraid to speak up or offer any opinion. They suppress their individuality to fit in and avoid conflict or disapproval. As for banter, forget it – the office is now a fun-free, Puritan-like environment.

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