In a comments thread below, I wrote in response to some interesting polling numbers regarding the solidity of the Liberals’ base; “Remember what I said a couple of weeks ago? The one word that makes Liberals’ blood run cold is this – “motivation”. Please, oh God Of January Elections, please let it snow like a bastard.”
Reader “JulieM” was inspired with a marvelous idea;
Okay, this is my first post here but that reminds me of the 2000 elections (I’m an American). I’m one of those “broken glass” Republicans who would crawl through broken glass (the pundits said) to vote against the Clintons.
Maybe someone can come up with some witty Canadian equivalent, perhaps “broken snow plow Conservatives,” or “dead battery Conservatives,” or, “Where in the #*@( are my mitts Conservatives.”
It’s a contest of sorts. I’ll pick a “top three” in a couple of days.
“All-Weather Conservative”. Simple.
doug wrote Some very good ones. I would vote for:
“40 Below”
“Knee-deep” (also might imply we’ve been wading knee-deep through Liberal bullshit)
“Beer and Popcorn”
Posted by Doug at December 15, 2005 12:37 PM
so combine and get:
I’d wade through knee deep beer & popocorn in a 40 below blizzard to vote those bastards outta parliament
Kinda of a long version of Kate’s original concept, . . . this is the response to “what kind of Canadian are you” ? or Do you love this country ??
I’d hack my way through my Liberal MP with a chainsaw to vote Tory.
A ” strap Lassie, the cat and the schitzhu to the toboggan if the snow plow doesn’t make it” conservative
How about “broken plow” conservative as in, “I’d crawl through waist deep snow left behind by the broken plow”
I’d get Michael Jacksons cosmetic surgeon to give me a John Chretien face transplant so I could vote Conservative in his home riding
I’d crawl through crackhead/whino infested xenophobic ghettos created by PC lieberals …. hey wait a minute that’s precisly what I did last election.
I agree with Brian’s “brass monkey” conservative. Fits nicely. And Cal’s “Iragi” conservative warms the heart. Not only does it mean “I’m ready to die just to vote”, it’s a nice “in your face” to the whiner give up and pack up Lib-leftie losers. Well done all of them. Tough call but I like those two in particular.
Frostbite Conservative
I really like “40-below Conservatives”. It’s very evocative and very Canadian. You could absolutely see Scott Reid saying, “Those %!#@$!* 40-below Conservatives!!!”, as good an acid test as any. Many of the longer ones are quite amusing and I remember similar, American-style deprecations from the Clinton years . . .
Through a mile of snow without beer OR popcorn!
I like “Sled Dog Conservative”. For most of us the view is not that good, the going is tough and the rewards are few.
Yeesh, what’s with all this crawling? Vitruvius (architect, engineer, inventor, 25BC) says:
I’d invent the snowmobile and build it an ice bridge to vote Conservative.
Reidenbacher Conservative…..Beeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
SnowDrift Conservative!
A Drunken, Starving, Polar Bear Conservative. I’d climb over a Polar Bear that had lived only on beer and popcorn for a month just to vote out PMPM.
I would bite off my own arm in mid-shake of Paul Martin’s hand as he was offering me a Senate seat whilst tearing off my shirt to reveal a “Liberals Suck” T-shirt in the middle of a room full of rabid “lefties” hell bent on tearing me to shreds with Federally Registered pointy sticks, then run dying to the nearest polling booth to cast one for Harper!
A ‘three province’ Conservative.
I’d walk three provinces east to where my vote might make a lick of difference.
‘seeing red conservative’
It has to be “40 Below Conservative” !!!
Here’s our version of the song:
Well it’s 40 Below and I don’t give a f***
there’s a heater in my truck
and I’m off to cast my vote
And it’s Quebec left, Alberta right
Come on Ontario, get your right step right
Get Paul off the stage ya G** D**m goof’s ya know
Piss me off, F***’n Liberals, get on my nerves
Well here comes Johnny with a pencil in his hand
he’s a tax paying man and he’s off to cast his vote
And it’s Quebec left, Alberta right
Come on Ontario get your right step right
Get Paul off the stage ya G** D**m goof’s ya know
Piss me off, F***’n Liberals, get on my nerves
My idea is inspired by The Arcade Fire’s song “Neighbourhood #1 (Tunnels)”…
Snow Tunneling Conservatives
or
Snow Mining Conservatives
I can’t decide which one I like more.
“one-armed conservatives”
… after they sacrificed their left arms down the clogged snowblower chutes to get the paths to the polls cleared as soon as they could…
oh hell, I’ll go for it (I held back on the snowblowers)
As an homage to our free-enterprising, individualist fur-trapper nation builders of the dim dark past, I’m a “bloody-stump” conservative, who would gnaw off his own leg to get to the polls to turf the lying, thieving, hypocritical, power-hungry statist scourge that has turned Canada into a pompus, miserable mediocrity.
I think “Frostbite Conservatives” has some mileage in it…
But my suggestion is “Cheer for the Leafs Conservative.” Go Sens Go!
I’m a Polar Bear Conservative.
I would walk naked through the polar bear invested Churchill dump, slathered in whale oil, and barking like a seal just to vote Conservative.
Sounds like there’s going to be a whole lot of futile pain and suffering on election day. I didn’t know cons were so kinky!