In a comments thread below, I wrote in response to some interesting polling numbers regarding the solidity of the Liberals’ base; “Remember what I said a couple of weeks ago? The one word that makes Liberals’ blood run cold is this – “motivation”. Please, oh God Of January Elections, please let it snow like a bastard.”
Reader “JulieM” was inspired with a marvelous idea;
Okay, this is my first post here but that reminds me of the 2000 elections (I’m an American). I’m one of those “broken glass” Republicans who would crawl through broken glass (the pundits said) to vote against the Clintons.
Maybe someone can come up with some witty Canadian equivalent, perhaps “broken snow plow Conservatives,” or “dead battery Conservatives,” or, “Where in the #*@( are my mitts Conservatives.”
It’s a contest of sorts. I’ll pick a “top three” in a couple of days.
I’d crawl through a cavern of razor sharp icesicles chased by a 1000 rabid skunks to rid myself of PMPM.
I’m a “40 below” Canadian who would crawl through an arctic blizzard to vote against Liberal entitlement, corruption and privledge.
How about “knee-deep conservatives”?
I’d wade through knee-deep snow to get Stephen Harper elected.
I’m a “Methane Snow” Canadian who would wade, stripped to the waist, through rivers of liquid oxygen to rid Canada of Paul Martin and his odious horde.
“I’d rip my tongue off a frozen steel stopsign at 40 below to stop the Libranos from donating our hard earned tax dollars to third world kleptocracies while Canadian employees working overseas are tortured in Saudi prisons.”
Or something like that.
Maybe this is better “I’d drag my ass over salt covered road with my tongue stuck to a frozen piece of metal to rid this country of PMPM” a little graphic I know.
A molten lava conservative
I’d push myself face-first along ten klicks of salted gravel road to plant my boot firmly up PM’s bum.
I’m so eager to vote against the Liberals that I’d actually go out and vote.
“An actually-voting Conservative”.
** “Damn the Tim’s”! Where’s the polling booth? **
An “uphill both ways” Conservative moniker would appeal to the older CPC base. I’m thirty-five years old for heaven’s sake, and my grandparents still regale me with stories of travelling through thick snow to school and work, and they’re always trudging “uphill both ways.”
Survivor Conservative. I’ll survive any situation to get to the polls.
Ooooooooooh. I really like Alan’s (above)!
1 year winter conservatives.
You’ll take another year of winter to another year of Martin any day.
/hard to come up with slogans for the “other” team.
A Postal Conservative.
Angry enough to trudge through any sort of weather to deliver my vote.
Put your touque on and go vote so I think perhaps the
“Touquing Torries”
Duke
I would gladly volunteer to be rolled naked in front of a huge speeding ministry of tranportation snowplow in minus 40 salted slush through all the areas of Ontario were bears rule since cancelling the spring bear hunt unarmed whistling zippidy do dah through my ass to cast my conservative vote.
Willing to screw Scott Reid (literally and figuratively) to get Martin elected. Okay, maybe I sound more like a Liberal….
I’d sleep with Hillary Clinton to see the Tories win (The “Ultimate Sacrifice”).
God help me, I’ve lost it. That should have read …To get Harper – HARPER – elected.”
I will vote Conservative in the January 2006 Federal election even if the Mayor declares a “Snow Removal Emergency” and the Canadian military has yet to show up.
(I would guess Toronto specific)
“40 below Conservative” just has to be one of the finalists. It’s so Canadian it even comes with Cancon theme songs: Randy Bachman’s “Portage and Main – 40 below” and the infamous Rodeo Song (language warning).
Well it’s 40 below and I don’t give a ****
Got a heater in my truck and I’m off to the rodeo
Just substitute “polling booth” for rodeo.
I’m a blizzard …
I’m a vote the FROZEN HEARTED BASTARDS out Conservative!
K.I.S.S.
“I’m a Blizzard Conservative…”
Something Duffy will quote, and chuckle about.
TimR
“40 below Conservative” is great, too. Always better with a jingle!
I’m a “200 Mile” Conservative who would walk 200 miles naked and bare-footed in 12 feet of snow up the side of a mountian while carying 6 disabled conservatives so we can ALL vote to boot out the Libranos.
Make this one of those memorable moments to tell your grandkids:
“Why, I remember the winter of 2006 when we had 30 cm of snow and the snowplows couldn’t get down the street, and I was waiting for the doors to open at the polling station.”
I’m a taxed into muck luking them out canadian.
Even if the only polling booth was in Ottawa, I’d crawl on my hands and knees across Canada over Jean Chretien monogrammed golf balls with a blistering Alberta Clipper at my back, southern Saskatchewan hailstones on my head and highway 401 smog down my throat…..wearing nothing but a Speedo!
great names…
but we’d better watch out for the “TIM HORTONS LIBERALS”…..
…they love PMPM so much that they’ll willing forsake their Chai Lattes for regular double-doubles if the Tim hortons is closer to the polling station.
How about “crawl through mountains of yellow snow Conservatives” ? 🙂
“Crawl a mile uphill through the snow while barefoot” Conservatives?
“Crawl through a mile of beaver shavings” Conservatives?
“Crawl through a mile of moose dung” Conservatives?
“More than willing to get up off the couch to kick Paul Martin’s ass” Conservatives.
By the way, it’s “Portage & Main, *50* below.”
How about…
I’m a “drier than a popcorn fart” Conservative?
Gotta go with the “40 below Conservative”. Just to hear Puffy say 40 below instead of minus 40 Celsius.
Actually, you can vote now.
Check with your local returning office. Or your MP’s office for details.
The weather scare was a Liberal hoax.
You will surely have one nice day to go and vote between now and Jan 23.
gordon m
A brown envelope conservative.
Would climb over a mountain of brown envelopes in a blizzard to get to the poll.
A beer and popcorn conservative.
“Ice Storm” Conservative.
I’d travel through frozen and broken ice to vote Conservative.
I’d force feed Scott Brisson all of Svend Robinsons bi-polar medication during question period. Just to get the Libranos out.
Iraqi Conservative
Would risk life and limb to dip a finger in the blue ink.
Oops, I forgot my zinger. (And my laptop crashed after I looked at Darwin’s picture.)
“I’m a snowshoeing true-blue, nose, finger and toes, Conservative.”
Some very good ones. I would vote for:
“40 Below”
“Knee-deep” (also might imply we’ve been wading knee-deep through Liberal bullshit)
“Beer and Popcorn”
How about “surgeon’s cue” conservative for those of us who would break a surgery appointment it took 6 months to get to vote out that health defunding Martin.
I like Shaken’s “brown envelopes in a blizzard”
A few suggestions:
An “icy road” Conservative, A “three togue” Conservative (i.e. it is so cold you have to wear three toques), A “Coach’s Corner” Conservative ( I would miss Coach’s Corner to go vote for Conservatives)and for weather neutral fans A “Gramma’s [insert car model]” Conservative (I’d drive Gramma’s Ford Granada to go vote for the Conservatives)
Ok. This thread definitely needs a beverage-spew warning.
(mopping up the keyboard…)
” I would crawl through “hell frozen over” to get rid of the devil we know”.
or…. Iditarod Tories…… even if it is in Alaska… Yukon quest instead
How about “Brass Monkey conservative”, as in cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.