We Don’t Need No Flaming Sparky Cars

“Battery won’t charge and now it’s totally dead”.

OMG. I had exactly the same errors before mine died. I am glad that you were able to take some photos. You were lucky that your tow truck driver was able to set it to tow mode. I see a few commonalties. Battery was 100% charged, long distance trip, and happened on weekend. Which firmware version did you have? Hope you get a better loaner

 

For others, if you see those errors, pull over to a location where tow truck can safely tow your car, leave the frunk open (so that truck driver can charge your battery), and don’t leave your kids or pets in the car and walk away. You may not be able to get them out if battery dies. Or you may want to leave a front window open so that you can manually open the car door after battery dies. If safe, you may want to put your car in tow mode. Tow truck driver wasn’t able to charge my battery and unable to set it to tow mode.

(h/t Ralph Vader)

28 Replies to “We Don’t Need No Flaming Sparky Cars”

  1. Oh well, maybe you can get the taxpayers to subsidize your tow bill like they subsidized your car purchase.

  2. At least we won’t have Tesla to kick around much longer. Maybe the Chinese will pick it up in a fire sale for the technology, if it has any value. The future in electric cars is likely light lead/acid powered intra-city commuter cars in warm climates – golf carts on speed. Prospective Tesla owners – do you really want to spend 100 grand on a soon to be orphan?

    1. Scar, you underestimate the value of “status” and bragging rights.

      Tesla is not going away. Electric cars are not going away. Every automobile manufacturer is working on electric car development and most are already in the market. This wouldn’t be occurring unless there was a future in it.

      1. what you’re trying to say is virtue signaling ain’t going away. I predict who killed the electric car 2 will hit the Sundance film festival in the next decade.

      2. Why are nuclear power plants being mothballed? Why are hydrogen fuel cells being ignored by many? Nobody is against something that is comparably priced and reliable but when you force over-valued crap on people – especially by pencil-necked geeks who probably can barely ride a bicycle let alone operate a car – then you get push back and you retard progress. But then again seeing as many progressives are retards, I guess it all makes sense.

      3. Electric cars aren’t going away, though they have far more problems than the huckster hype would tell you. Tesla, on the other hand, is in grave danger. It will end up on the trash heap of history: bankrupt or sold off at fire-sale prices.

        The technology used by Tesla will eventually be quite useful if used intelligently.

      4. Electric autos would go away tomorrow … if the US ditched Obama’s (and Jerry Brown’s) draconian CAFE standards. Every auto mfr NEEDS to mfr a certain number of electric autos to offset their massively profitable number of trucks and suvs. That is all. Massive government intervention birthed the electric car … practicality will KILL it … again.

  3. comedy gold! Tow mode for me is releasing the parking brake and putting the car in neutral. An electric car you can’t unlock or open anything when the battery dies even if you’re inside it! bahahahahahaha!

    1. my question is, just what keeps the doors locked when there is no power to do so. do they use keys to open anything or have we become so stupid that we have dispensed with old fashioned keys? I bought a new car in Jan. I refused to look at any model that did not have a key entry or a key start.

  4. > DO NOT CLOSED DOORS when battery is dying. It will not open again until it has power. Keep it open if you want to get back in. At a minimum, leave a window open so that you can manually open. Especially if you have a kid or pet inside.

    So a big engineering company has implemented a solution where the failure mode is to lock the vehicle. And there’s no manual workaround. Meaning you have to smash the windows to get your kid or pet out. No potential for lawsuits there, is there?

    > It’s has been over 20 mins charging 12v battery and still nothing. I am able to activate door open button from my app but still won’t open. Only the front trunk.

    That’s such poor design. The front trunk will open but the doors won’t. Did anyone think while designing this thing?

    Electric or not, I wouldn’t touch it with a 10-foot pole. Stay away.

  5. The demise of the electric car is as over-stated as the demise of the gas-powered auto.
    There are 3 cost centers in owing a car: 1) initial cost, 2) on-going costs, and 3) unexpected costs (usually as the car wears down).
    The electric has an advantage in on-going costs because electricity is much cheaper than gas. But this advantage is reduced by other ongoing costs such as insurance and wear & tear replacement (tires, brake pads, etc) which are similar for both types.
    Otherwise there is no real savings in switching from gas to electric, so it becomes a personal choice.
    There is a lot of great technology in the Tesla. The main problem is the believers and the government are subsidizing its development. Eventually this will wear off because Tesla cannot meet the production promises and is not self-sustaining.
    A greater problem for Tesla is its role as trailblazer. Usually, the leader incurs most of the cost and makes most of the mistakes in a new development like this. Those who come after are there to win, not to blaze the trail. Tesla has innovative technology but it does not have a monopoly. In the highly competitive car industry, other manufacturers are only ever a few years behind.
    Seeing the photo of the tow truck pulled up to his garage on a warm sunny day reminded me of my short drive to the airport here in Salluit, Quebec this morning with -19 deg C air temperature and 4 ft high snow drifts crossing the road. Not exactly Tesla territory. Everything up here (and I mean everything) is powered by fossil fuel. Even the electrical grid.

    1. Electricity is only cheaper than gas right now because hardly any electric cars are on the road, geniuses. What happens to our hydro bill when the neighbours are all charging their suped-up Golf Carts all day and night?…

      1. That’s not the half of it. Road maintenance costs and road building costs are largely funded by the gas tax. Somewhere along the way, we still have to pay for that. Gas or electric – it won’t matter.

  6. Now I see the appeal that the cult has for the Teslas. The fanboys can drive a computer with gizmos, just like playing with their smartphones. All that for double the price of a regular car.
    You can’t fix stupid. Typical high tech geeks, book smart in their coding world, but couldn’t change a lightbulb.

    1. Right? These d#ckheads are playing with the buttons when they should be -driving-the-car- and they wonder why these things keep crashing.

      I might need a bigger truck, if I have to share the road with these them. 5 ton dump-truck should do it, I think. Maybe a little hard on fuel, but I’ll survive the Te$la driving into the back of me at highway speed. Or changing lanes into my door because Fanboy was too busy playing with his phone to look out the window.

      1. I have my heart set on a 5-ton International Harvester flat bed truck … steel flat bed … https://www.flickr.com/photos/37350472@N02/8882619995/

        I drove one of these on the farm I worked one summer. It’s a beast. I imagine myself locking up my brakes (no ABS on this baby) in front of a Tesla on the freeway, and opening Elon’s eco-vehicle like a can of sardines …

        Don’t call the FBI on me … it’s just a daydream … not a plan.

  7. I have zero sympathy. The fool who bought into this abomination is whining throughout the thread about the lack of autopilot on the loaner they were given.

  8. Do not confuse Autopilot with Tesla. Many vehicles are coming out with an autopilot system including Cadillac. Unfortunately Autopilot will survive Tesla. I remember an employee who was driving a truck and towed trailer with cruise control on. He hit a patch of ice and confused the cruise control to the point that he lost control of the truck and jack-knifed the trailer. Imagine what he could have done with an Autopilot system. We will have to live for many years with Autopilot accidents. It is the equivalent of texting risk on steroids.

    There is no reason to believe that gas prices will stay low while electricity prices continue to rise. In Canada the electric car is going to have a tough time because of our climate. At +30 C you can roll your window down. At -30 C you have no options.

  9. So this article which stared with the pursuit of “aero wheels” for this “man’s” Tesla … triggered … my curiosity. And I discover that these rims are believed to extend the range of your limited-range Tesla auto … https://www.teslarati.com/tesla-model-3-aero-vs-non-aero-wheels-real-world-efficiency-test/

    Which also … triggered … my memory about hardcore bike riders who developed the original “aero wheels” … https://intheknowcycling.com/2015/07/10/best-aero-all-around-road-bike-wheels/

    So … it all makes sense to me now. I have long contended that electric (and hybrid) cars are for people who HATE cars. And nobody HATES cars more than spandex-wearing adult “men” who ride bicycles (see: Critical Mass). So, of course both inefficient bicycles and inefficient electric cars NEED “aero wheels” to squeeze a tiny fraction of reduced drag … to make riding these machines more tenable. Tesla drivers are spandex-wearing bike riders …

  10. So … if you have an accident which disconnects the battery, which then starts to cook and burst into flames, the doors remain locked to ensure that you cook along with the car?

  11. sooooo the design engineers didnt include a backup battery for these vital functions like opening a door?
    what is that? the door lock is *electric* too? steering wheel? brakes? suspension? no wonder range is an issue.
    putting all the eggs in one basket is now putting all the electrons in one battery.

    jeezuz murphy. I ride a british built raleigh bought new which is now some *40* years old.
    http://www.mytenspeeds.com/My_TenSpeeds_1/Bicycles_Table/English_Bicycles/Raleigh_Bicycles/Raleigh_Internationall_60/Ral_Int_60_Clean/Ral_Int_C_Full_Side_2.jpg
    if I wanna go faster I peddle harder. keep the tires pumped 120 psi to hugely reduce rolling friction and avoid bottoming out in the potholes (which causes a blowout). p.s. the gear change handles are on the ends of the handlebar, not as typical at the post. I can change speeds with my baby finger. WHOOOOOOSH !!!!!!!!!

    gotta agree with kenji, the colour coordinated spandex, the helmet with the funny ‘notch’ in the back, etc etc
    all part of the ‘uniform’, the ‘look’, the ‘image’.
    fcuk that shyt. I was never into ‘following the crowd’. generally I leave the biker crowd waaaaay behind.

    1. Nothing wrong with biking … but there’s a certain subculture of subhuman bike riders … who proliferate here in the Bay Area. Riding in packs on weekends.

  12. Well THERE’S yer problem. See here? Bankruptometer is shot. You might as well total it.

  13. Surely the problem of the 12v dead battery applies to gas cars as well as all electric cars

    1. My BMW eats batterys … when sitting in the garage. But it is a small, simple, problem to remedy (as long as you don’t purchase a replacement battery from the BMW Stealer)

  14. In a gas car you can still unlock the doors and get out if you want to. Also a dead battery in a gas car won t set the car on fire either.

  15. it just occurred to me, what’s to stop some pyromaniac with a Munk grudge setting fire to all sorts of teslas and watching the batteries get blamed.

    not that Im promoting such a notion . . . . .

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