To all of our dear (and incredibly humorous) SDA regulars, we pose a very simple question: If the birth of Christ were somehow known to be occurring in rural Saskatchewan tomorrow, what sorts of tweets and blog entries might we see in advance of it?
Put on your tightest SJW, virtue signalling, environmentally friendly, holier than thou hat and start typing! 🙂
Jeezus H. Keerist!
J-anon.
It is coming.
OPs under way 2001-a/jjw
JC-TRUD opposed
Salvation near
OK all you virgins, form a line over here. And you, you’re the wise man? You form a line over there. Where you from? Ukraine? Really? OK, get this guy out of here. Somebody made a mistake.
Young mother forced to give birth among farm animals as Sask. Party austerity budget cuts affect services. #planned parenthood
Who’s this Christ character and why’s he ruining my birthday? Juthtin
The moose herders we’re keeping watch over their flock.
Rural Saskatchewan, where they don’t say “immaculate conception”, they say “got pregnant from the tractor seat”. #stillavirgin
So you’re a Capricorn ?
Wise men and shepherds present for birth. Outrage erupts that LBGTQ not represented.
Can anything good come out of the West?
Gold, frankincense and myrrh – gender neutral birthday gifts. Wise men, indeed!
A point you might have missed is that our prime minister was born on December 25 (honest!). A lot of Canadians, including me, didn’t think it was coincidence.
Me, I’m a Libra.
How Privileged is the Christ ?
Race(white-ish) +25
Sex(male) +25
Country(Canada) +150
Religion(Jewish) +25
Disability(Able) +25
Status(Divine) +googol
Profession(Teacher) -5
Don’t forget that He was supposed to have been a carpenter, so that would make him one of the “deplorables”.
“Jordan Peterson, Gavin McGinnes and Ezra Levant were arrested earlier today while breaking into a garden shed in rural Saskachewan. Police were baffled when they discovered the men carrying what appeared to be gold bullion and two sticky substances that smelled like a perfumey medicine. Levant was heard to mutter, “I know he’s here somewhere, look behind that snow blower”. Investigations continue.
The Toronto Red Star reports that 13133 University Professors, 6666 lawyers, 4507 NGOs, 8 Supreme court Judges and a Partridge in a Pear Tree have signed a petition decrying the Birth of the Infant known as the Messiah in rural somewhere west of Toronto.
The Messiah is evidently a male child of white English extraction and is considered eminently unsuitable for such a position in this diverse day and age. Because,after all, it is 2017.
In other news, reports of raining frogs in Oakville….
Justin,
You and your damn census. I warned you nothing good would come from it. Now we have to worry about some new kid from Saskatchewan that wants to take over from you. Saskatchewan!!? No good Liberal has ever come from Saskatchewan. Diefenbaker, Tommy Douglas, Ralph freaking Goodale they’re all from Saskatchewan, Justin.
I have to attend an emergency board meeting of Power Corp. early next year. They do not sound pleased.
Have a Happy Birthday anyway.
Yours,
Gerald
One Magi to the others: Okay, guys, let’s check the satnav again. It’s gotta be here someplace.
The CBC has reports of strange happenings in Saskatchewan this evening.
Cats lying with dogs.
Leaf fans requesting Hab sweaters for Christmas.
Ralph Goodale admitting the RCMP’s code name for Justin is Rhododendron.
All seemingly connected to a Virgin in rural Saskatchewan. Talk about your fake news…
Now for the real Christmas story, at least as the Liberals would have us believe:
There were shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks at night. And an angel of the CBC appeared before them and they were sore afraid. And the angel said, “Fear not for unto you is born this day, in the city of PET, a saviour who is Justin.”
The rest, of course, is history…..
“When asked about rumours emanating from YouTube about an alleged birth of a Prophet out West, Trudeau, who was found in an Ottawa Mosque allowing selfies with the “sisters” confined to the back of the balcony, stated that such an event would not be consistent with Canadian values and therefore could not be true. For the National, I’m Wendy Mesley, Goodnight.”
Suddenly there arose a quandary. Where were the non-rural parts of Saskatchewan anyway?
On Wascana’s bank the Baptists cry
Announces that the Lord is nigh
Woe and sad tidings if I had to guess
Won’t be the 2nd coming of Tommy The Douglas
Today’s news from Ottawa: Three high-profile visitors from Asia were in the city today, and were overheard saying the Lord and Saviour of the World was to be born someplace in western Canada. Said “Delisle SK” didn’t register on their GPS, so were wondering where and how to get there. This went all the way up to the PMO, no-one had ever heard of the place. But it evidently piqued the interest of the PM, as he was heard to say the title was already spoken for. Obviously concerned, he could only offer that once they had found the child, to please let him know so he could visit him with gifts too. This has led to some speculation as to what these gifts might be. Rather than offering crass materialism, word on the street is that Trudeau would take something more appropriate to his personal style, likely a basket of goodies representing Canada at its finest, including maple syrup, special socks, free advice, diversity training as well as the de facto requisite gift for reigning monarchs, a DVD of his best speeches.
Deus Vult MFers!
No white privilege.
“Der wuz no room for dem Indians.”
@ILoveStubble tweets: Went out to the machine shed to fire up the 4460 to do a little snow blowing. There was this sticky fluid underneath it. Weren’t antifreeze or Rotella. And the whole shed smelled like a Ukrainian funeral.
Captcha: Hotel Sweeney
Well,it does say in the Bible that the Messiah will not be recognized or welcomed on His return, actually shunned as the ignorant people will expect something else.
Perhaps it IS Justin, and we ignorant peasants expected a young Benny Hinn/John Diefenbaker cross.
Justin HAS performed many miracles,and in the polls every Monday he rises from the dead and still leads by 10%, perhaps next Spring he’ll do the loaves and fishes trick,and finally we’ll recognize Him.
We can all stand around and exclaim,” well,I never expected THIS!”
I think we have a winner.
Wise men and shepherds present for birth. Outrage erupts that LBGTQ not represented.
More likely. The LBGTQ protest the birth of the Lord and Saviour.
With apologies to Matthew (2:16)
“When Justin realized that he had been outwitted by Jordan, Gavin and Ezra, he was furious, and he gave orders to carbon tax all the boys (and girls) in Saskatchewan and its vicinity who were one hundred and two years old and under, in accordance with his having learned nothing at all from anyone of any wisdom.”
The Liberals don’t have three wise men and even if they did they would have been swapped out for three folks in garish attire. And Justin cannot be reborn anyway. The competent can feign incompetent but the incompetent cannot feign competent.
I got nothing for the Sask thing. Merry Christmas to all!
The Liberals don’t have three wise men
They did at one time:
http://www.canadahistoryproject.ca/1960s/1960s-04-three-wise-men.html
Yeah, Pierre “God the Father” Trudeau was one of them.
The story I heard about how Pearson brought them into his cabinet was because of the incident Lucien Rivard appears to be most famous for:
http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/lucien-rivard/
The Minister of Justice at the time of Rivard’s escape, Guy Favreau, resigned (imagine that–a Liberal cabinet minister resigning!) and Pearson, always anxious to pacify Quebec (remember, this was the time that the FLQ was blowing up post boxes), brought in those 3 “wise men”.
If it hadn’t been for that prison break, Canada might be quite a different country now.
I’m not good at this so I will just say it this way,
A teary eyed Justin Trudeau would apologize to muslims in tv interviews
The CBC would have special reports where ”experts” – who would look sad and as concerned as if they were announcing the end of the world – would warn us that this will have a negative impact on the muslim community, and they would tell Canadians that everything must be done, at any cost, to help the muslims cope with this tragedy.
millions of liberals would protest, loot and riot…BLM would join them because Jesus is white thus this is racism and white supremacism.
A teary eyes Justin Trudeau would apologize to Muslims in parliament.
The United Nation would talk of dragging whom ever is responsible for this and possibly drag Jesus himself in front of the international humans courts ( or smething like that )
A teary eyed Justin Trudeau would apologize to Muslims live on tv in a special address to the nation.
Personally, I wudda picked a warmer spot.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Just in time! Brad wall is retiring, ya know.
“Environmentalists have signalled their concern that the unusually bright star appearing in the night sky this December is likely the result of abnormal atmospheric conditions caused by climate change…”
Mohammed was big but Jesus is Biggar.