Maybe we went about this the wrong way. Rather than glorifying victimhood, perhaps we should have encouraged the real victims to fight back. We should have taught our kids that bullies only have power if you give them power. Maybe, God forbid, we should have even taught our kids to punch a bully in the nose, if all other methods fail. Don’t let yourself be a victim, we ought to have said.
Ya think?
Worked for me. as a youngster being tormented on the school bus. My mom recognizing the problem says do whatever you think you need to do: punch,hit, kick, knee, use whatever forbidden language you wish, but finish it off. kicked off the bus for a week; no more problem.
About 10 years ago, dinner times at our home would degenerate into a sob fest over differences my son had with the grade three bully. For weeks I bit my tongue while my wife (who is an Educator’s Assistant) consoled the boy and encouraged him to talk to a teacher. Needless to say…her solution never worked. Finally, I had enough and I told my boy the following: Boy, quit acting like a pussy and you’ll not be treated like one. Next time that kid lays a hand on you, kick him in the balls as hard as you can. When he hits the ground you get on top of him and keep punching him in the face and don’t stop until someone pullls you off.
Naturally, my wife lost it.
My son followed my instructions to a T and was rewarded with a reputation of one you shouldn’t f*** with all the way through high school. He’s an upstanding, productive young man today with more confidence and drive than I ever had at his age.
Agree with basis, IF, you do not take actions to protect yourself and others around you, the gov etc is a poor ally.
Grew up on wrong side of tracks, it was not the males that looked after themselves, I knew some tough and capable gals. Parents supported “look after yourself”, don’t expect someone else to look after you.
But then, over time, gov etc became the one folks looked to to fix. They can not, nor will they. When anyone is in life or personal safety event, who cares what “the law/policy” is. You ARE the one who has to act. Law and gov be damned.
But, if/as/when, society depends on a gov etc body to fix/manage, you are toast. They on other hand, say, it was against this or that. Over and done.
We, society, in comfort of affluence, complacent, have lost freedom, and liberty. Socialism: don’t worry, we will take care of you. FACT; they can not, and will not.
Look after yourself and your loved ones, it is YOUR duty, not the gov etc. Simple fact.
When we take back individual rights etc, the gov and others, MAY have to focus on their true purpose vs beingour life managers. Just saying 🙂
Dano, I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY.
But.
Today, there is no such thing as a fair fight. These days, its three, four, five on one, and the fight doesn’t stop when the loser of the fight has had enough. No, when down and out, its full on kicks to the face by those five. Or retribution with a blade wielded by the bully for his humiliation at rightfully being put in his place. Hell, one of my oldest friends was once my bully until I set him to rights. A fight used to be done, and everyone went home. My son dealt with a similar situation to your son, and my advice was the same. It just so happened that when he worked up the nerve to get ready to strike hard and fast, the bully took put a knife and threatened to take one of his eyes.
Back in the day, even a bully had SOME form of restraint. Today? Everything is upside down.
I often found that one doesn’t have to beat the tar out of one’s tormentors to get them to leave one alone.
I remember 2 instances, once in junior high school and the other a few grades later, when someone would pester me. Each time, I thought I’d let him have his fun for a while and that he would get bored if I didn’t do anything.
Each time, though, the matter came to an end when I wound up and belted him because I got fed up with it. All I did was hit him in the shoulder, but I caught him off-guard when I did and he ended up falling over onto a desk or two.
The surprise that I did something, plus that it happened in public, was enough to end it. I’m sure each of my adversaries were embarrassed at having been bested by someone they thought was a wimpy nerd and that other people saw what happened.
My life became a lot more peaceful after that.
Interestingly enough, each of them were bigger and, presumably, tougher than me. Timing, I guess, was everything.
And when it comes to fabricating a “Bully” … the apex-Bully is … of course … Nazis! Yes, every Republican is a “Nazi”. Every conservative is a “Nazi” Every border advocate … a “Nazi”! There used to be a “Communist” in every woodshed … hahaha … those Republicans were so silly … but now there REALLY ARE Nazis EVERYWHERE Oh My!
And … Fascists … there are fascists … everywhere. Sooooo many Fascist Bullies … that we need AntiFA-scists to fight them.
Imaginary bullies for an ideology incapable of original thought.
And what do you do if the bully is a young adult female?
These days, the biggest bullies in middle school, and comprising most m.s. bully mobs are girls. At least it’s my observation having raised boys over the last 20 years in a mid to upper-middle class area.
Worked for me also. A fellow in public school tormented me for three years until I had enough. We had it out and I won. We became friends after this and move separated us. He later joined the American army and was killed in Viet Nam.
Dano, good for you.
Bullies are healthy… https://youtu.be/Qc2_rSysXws
There is no but. Each time your antagonist escalates, you must escalate or loose. Nevil or Winston?! You choose. Several times in my life I chose to fight when I was certain it would cost my life. God preserved me. I WOULD RATHER DIE ON MY FEET THAN LIVE ON MY KNEES! How about you?
Oh, the proverbial Winston absolutley. I just lament that society has become a proverbial Neville by trying to cut us off at the knees for taking the issue in hand ourselves. “Report”, but then they do nothing. So we teach our children to do it themselves, and THEY are santioned for it.
You’re right, on our feet is preferable; its just too damn bad that by trying to neuter our ability and means to do it ourselves and NOT handling it, our “leaders” have allowed it to escalate to the point of blades/guns and multiple attackers. The same is happening with our society on a more macro level. It didn’t have to be this way, and now that we’ve had a belly-full of Neville, I hope Winston comes in short order.
most people, kids included, don’t want to hurt their fellow human beings. that is a fact. Even in war, conditioning is required to get a soldier to pull the trigger when face to face with someone who may kill him. during WW2 it was estimated that between 15 and 20% of soldiers on the firing line actually fired at the enemy. It takes a strong kid, mentally and physically, to tackle and hurt an antagonist. Make no mistake, you have to hurt your antagonist to be left alone.
That is exactly what I was taught as a kid. If you push back on the bully, they may still kick your ass, but they won’t do it again because they know, you will fight back. Bullies are like government, they don’t like to compete.
I told my elementary school son to punch people abusing him square in the nose. Smart ass kids can’t handle getting beat up. It slowed things down but never ended it.
My son recently laid a devastating hit on his opponent during a high school football game.Another player then attacked him from behind swinging his helmet at my son.The helmet swinger was promptly put down and pummeled by my boy and guess who gets tossed from the game and then suspended for the next game by the principal despite the coaches pleas that he was defending himself and the game tape proving it.If one defends himself too efficiently does it become less palpable?
Bullies are cowards. Bullies in a gang are bigger cowards. They pick on people weaker and smaller than they are, and they feed on fear. If you fight back and show you are not to be trifled with, they will move on to more compliant targets.
We had to move when I was in the third grade, and I had to enroll in this school for the spring semester. Being the only new boy, and smaller and weaker because I skipped a grade, I was the prime target for the campus bully. The teachers were either incompetent, fearful, or believe they were doing the right thing, they pretended they never saw it. For several days I fought the guy, mostly lying on the ground, but I never gave in, and I gave as good as I knew how. He finally gave up and moved onto more compliant targets, leaving me alone for the rest of the semester. After that I was admitted to a much better school.
Bullying doesn’t just happen in the playground. It happens a lot at work. When I first started at this new job, I realized that my manager was bullied horribly by these guys in another organization he had to work with, who outranked him. I was brought to the meetings as the technical expert, but I could stand up to these bullies and protect him because I only did it when I have all the facts. The guy was such a wuzz he never learned, he just avoided the meetings because he could send me.
Still, being known as a fighter wasn’t necessarily good for my career. Most managers won’t admit it, but they all love yes men. I may have been much more successful in my career if I didn’t always fight for what is right, either technically or doing right by the people under me. But I could sleep at night, and I cannot behave otherwise anyway. Someone above wrote that he would rather die on his feet than live on his knees. I agree totally. For me it wasn’t so drastic as dying, but I suffered for it anyway.
That was then, this is now.
Some of the modern “bullies” are officially on the Federal Prison Career Track. Putting your kid in the hospital is another merit badge. The Three R’s are just another obstacle on their path to success. Teach your kid not to be the weakest in the herd, it will help him/her deal with the predator animals.
all thru grade school I was bullied mercilessly.
– I didnt know how to fight,
– was a 70 lb weakling and
– hated violence.
it came to a head in grade 7 when some asswipe decided it was his turn to beat up historybuff for no other reason than the entertainment value.
a fury rose up in me. 7 years of resentment poured out of me in a few minutes. I pounded and pounded and pounded the little nazi wannabe until he turtled and I pounded and pounded until I was out of breath. years later I realized it was my first adrenaline rush.
funny thing, after that I NEVER had to deal with any more ‘sandbox bullies’.
the nazi hung himself a day or 2 later, he was so humiliated getting the shyt knocked out of him in front of the whole school yard by the kid who always lost the fight.
I killed my first bully at 12 yrs of age. very luckily I kept quiet about my role in the ‘sad loss’. not a speck of doubt in my mind I would have been hauled off to reform school for this ‘unacceptable’ act of violence.
I was also bullied for years by an elder sister legendary for bullying. THAT ended the day I threatened to run her thru with a large screw driver I made in shop class. I meant it too, that’s the key, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE IN FOR.
just a variation on ‘nuclear deterrence’. that’s why we never had WW III. it WORKS.