A column by Globe writer Leah McLaren, in all it’s magnificent entirety, because the Globe has since yanked it.
Watching the dispiriting moral fumbling match that passes for a Conservative Party leadership campaign this spring, I’ve often found myself reminded of the time I tried to breastfeed Michael Chong’s baby.
To be fair, at the time I didn’t know it was Mr. Chong’s baby. I didn’t even know Mr. Chong – who is now, as he was then, the Conservative MP for Wellington-Halton Hills, and currently the best pick of an otherwise sad litter for CPC leader.
The breastfeeding incident occurred at a Toronto house party. It was an in-between sort of evening, neither a rager nor a formal dinner party – the sort of casual and expensively lubricated early-evening-into-night gathering that exhausted people in their 30s with small children tend to favour.
I was about 25 and did not have a baby – or even a boyfriend – at the time.
And I was broody in the way that young women in their late 20s often are, before they realize that turning 30 is just the beginning of something rather than a vertiginous cliff off of which unlucky young women fall to die alone and be forgotten.
I was feeling a bit glum and distracted, so I’d wandered upstairs in search of a bathroom in which to reapply my lipstick and check my phone for random texts from inappropriate men (this was before Tinder). I walked into a bedroom with coats piled high on the bed and noticed that in the corner, sitting wide awake in a little portable car seat, was the cutest baby I’d ever seen. On the table beside him was a monitor. I smiled at the baby, the baby smiled back. Now this was a connection.
I leaned over and gingerly picked him up and then sat down in a chair to give him a cuddle. He felt gorgeous in my arms, all warm and lumpy and milky-smelling in the way small babies are. Somehow, my pinky finger ended up in his mouth and I was astonished at strength of his sucking reflex. “C’mon lady,” said his eyes. And I suddenly knew what he wanted. And I of course wanted to give him what he wanted. The only problem was, I had no milk. But would it be so bad, I wondered, if I just tried it out – just for a minute – just to see what it felt like?
I looked at the baby monitor as if it might be watching me, but thankfully this was before monitors had cameras.
Then slowly, carefully so as not to jostle the infant, I began to unbutton my blouse. Just as I was reaching into my bra, a shortish man with in a navy suit walked into the room.
“Oh um, hello!” he said, in a friendly, upbeat tone that could not entirely conceal the fact that he was flummoxed to see me sitting there with my top half unbuttoned holding his baby.
“I see you’ve met my son. May I take him now?”
The man, of course, was Michael Chong. I never caught the baby’s name. Mr. Chong took his son, bade me a swift and polite goodbye and I didn’t see him again for the rest of the party – probably because he left sensibly with his family an hour later while I no doubt hung around talking nonsense until after midnight.
I realize now that it was wrong and rude and frankly a bit weird of me to think I could breastfeed a stranger’s baby just for kicks. I hate to think what would have happened if Mr. Chong – or worse, his wife – had walked in while I was in the act.
I think if I found a strange woman – one who was both childless and milkless – nursing my baby at a party I’d be inclined to give her a swift smack upside the head and then call the police.
Having said that, in the years since having my own babies, I have two or three times breastfed my friends’ babies and let my babies in turn be fed by them.
And here’s the odd thing I found about breastfeeding another mother’s infant: It doesn’t actually feel odd at all. Feeding my friend Kiki’s son Diego and my friend Rosie’s daughter Delilah I had the same thought: Yep, I could keep this baby – or any baby – alive with my body if I really needed to. And the babies were equally blasé about the whole thing. “You’ll do, in a pinch,” they seemed to be saying as they burrowed down for a snack of un-mother’s milk. It was heartening actually and even a little bit moving – like that viral video a few years back of the actress Salma Hayek breastfeeding an orphaned baby in Sierre Leone. She was astonished at how easy and normal it felt and so was I.
My fleeting co-feeding experiences made me wonder why, with all the fuss that’s made over the health benefits of breastfeeding, wet nurses (i.e., lactating nannies) aren’t more of a thing. I mean, if you could afford it, why not have an extra pair of lactating boobs around for the crucial first year? Those 18th-century aristocrats had one thing right.
In any case, this is all to say that breastfeeding is a lovely and marvellous thing, as is co-feeding and everyone should do it. Just don’t try it with a strangers baby in a bedroom at a party if you are 25 and stupid.
Apologies to Mr. and Mrs. Chong.
I got as far as: “Mr. Chong … the best pick of an otherwise sad litter for CPC leader.”
ROFL
Breast Intentions?
A Breast Too Far.
Glad you posted it since the piece went tits up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5aBYFln7pM
The last guy in this video, that asks for a bit more milk… that’s me.
(joking, I actually drink my coffee black).
Yes I cannot read further. Remids me of “Bob Stanfield, thee best PM the Conservatives never had”. The LIberals also favored Joe Who.
So they opened a safe injection site in the Globe and Mail’s lobby. Who knew?
Captcha for me at the moment is “ERIE WATER”. The spelling of eerie is off, but still: Indeed.
Unless emergency why would you do that? Parents don’t know if you are HIV positive or whatever.
“Unless emergency why would you do that? ”
Because it wasn’t about satisfying a baby’s needs, it was about HER, validating her self-worth or some other such nonesense.
As for the parents — if this story is true — why would you bring your baby to a noisy house party, only to warehouse him away with all the guests’ coats, with strangers floating about the house? Oh never mind, the baby monitor ensured his safety, didn’t it?
I was wondering, can any woman just instantly nurse? Never occurred to me someone would be dumb enough to just give it a try with a stranger’s baby. And if she was that stupid at 25 then I genuinely wonder how smart she is now.
Not sure it was needed, but that endorsement is the final proof chong isn’t a conservative.
Based on this and other narcissistic ramblings by McLaren, I don’t think she is in much of a position to be making judgments about “moral fumbling”.
Good grief! Tit for Tat
Apparently we aren’t supposed to stigmatize the mentally ill, so I won’t dwell on the columnist’s issues.
But the remarkable thing is this – I’m not even sure what to call it – this thing, passed through an editor’s hands and was published. Quite remarkable.
Leah McLaren is one reason I don’t read the Mop and Pail any more.
Can you imagine being Michael Chong this morning?
Seriously, how would that be?
BTW, I have met more than a few 25 year old chicks in Toronto dumb enough to do something like this. Leah McLaren is a -type-, not an anomaly.
That’s one more reason why I don’t live in Toronto any more.
The cherry on top for this post is the captcha: Jugando Fetes.
If I had engaged in child abuse I sure as hell wouldn’t be writing publicly about it. Childless at 25 she was no more capable of nursing that baby than I am. So assume it was some random 25 year old male letting a baby suck his tits and see how the story reads. Not much wonder the story was pulled but she should be charged.
“Apparently we aren’t supposed to stigmatize the mentally ill…”
Correct.
Because where once they were a group that would have been institutionalized, today they are a trendy demographic that politicians* feel obliged to pander to.
* And not a few MPs would appear to be from the same demographic themselves.
“Tit for tat”, that was a good one Bubba. Prime Minister Tater Tat comes to mind.
Sterling Bell, exactly. I discovered almost immediately after the CPC leadership race began that Chon was a Liberal disguised as a conservative.
This article by Leah McLaren shows just how confused liberal women are.
What the hell did I just read?
“Leah McLaren is one reason I don’t read the Mop and Pail any more.”
Yup. Doug Saunders is another.
By Jove, yer are on to something.
A good characterisation of the media/political complex.
The Conservative Party of Canada is having a leadership race? I did not know that. Michael Chong (whoever that is) is a candidate? I did not know that either.
Being serious for a moment I an wondering where the Conservatives found this lot of losers to run for the leadership. If these candidates are the best the Conservatives have then we are in for a long and indebted period of social and economic decline at the hands of the liberal government.
She only has a job for one reason, her daddy Roy McLaren.
Help me ogh, who is Roy McLaren?
This woman is seriously bent.
Simpson, Renati, Tabitha — lots of reasons. I also abandoned the Globe a while ago. Something seriously wrong with their editorial judgment.
Very unfair. Anyone of those Conservatives pursuing the leadership would make a far better PM than the cardboard cut out we currently have. These are thoughtful people, many with very good experience.
LindaL: Life isn’t fair get used to it. What I am pointing out is the severe lack of leadership/political skills shown by all the candidates. Let me give you an example. In Alberta the PCs have soiled the bed linen so severely that there is no way I would ever vote for them again. I really like the Wildrose leader Brian Jean. With pure tenacity and force of personality Jason Kenny took the PC leadership despite all his negatives. How well did he do? The other day there was an online poll asking who would be the best leader for the united right. I had to say that it was Jason Kenny. Two months ago my opinion of Kenny was “go home and stay there”. Unfortunately politics is a blood sport and unless the conservatives come up with a candidate who can force the national attention onto him/herself and the Conservative Party in a positive way the conservatives will be in opposition following the next election.
“…a trendy demographic that politicians* feel obliged to pander to. …”
And whose votes they are courting.
It’s like all the politicians and all the journalists are one big weird inbred family, or something…
I really like Maxime Bernier’s policies, but he has all the charisma of a pile of wet laundry. Even Mark Steyn couldn’t make him look good.
I’m sure that we will later find the winner to be the bastard son of Robert Stanfield and Joe Clark. That is unless it is Maxime Bernier but I suspect, as usual, we will elect an unelectable liberal to lead the Conservatives.
That’s not merely the actions of someone being “young and stupid”. Either she was enjoying more than just alcohol that night or she has some very strange fetishes. I get that progressives generally don’t have high regard for the concepts of private (not communal) property, parental rights and many other individual rights but this goes way beyond “it takes a village”.
Babies are adorable but normal people get permission before picking up someone’s child. In an emergency, a person encountering a hungry baby might consider looking for a bottle of formula in a nearby baby bag but to consider breastfeeding them, lactating or not, is well beyond weird.
After admitting to being this creepy, her criticizing conservative leadership candidates -“moral fumbling match” and “otherwise sad litter”- is almost comical in its lack of self-awareness.
One of my worst fears is that I will communicate, in writing, while I have been drinking. If there is one rule I follow, it is that any communicating while drinking can only be in response to enquiries and can be no more than 2 factual sentences.
McLaren needs to adopt a similar approach, by the looks of things.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. What is wrong with these people? What was this article even supposed to be about? I half expected it to turn into some weird snuff film script.
Her story is questionable. Someone did the math and at the time she was 25 Chong did not even have a baby.
Anyway Chong is a Liberal masquerading as a Conservative. He voted in favour of M 103 which disqualifies him from the leadership in my book.
The G&M used to be free in Hotels which is all that it was worth. The progressive market must still be fairly resilient for soiled newsprint.
As far as the CPC leadership, Bernier is number one, particularly after Steyn’s interviews. But when it comes to the Spawn or anyone else, Kate’s Dogs would get my vote.
This guy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_MacLaren_(politician)
He had all the right soft leftist credentials:
former Minister for Trudeau, Turner and Chretien;
former High Commissioner to the UK;
current Executive member of the Trilateral Commission.
So naturally the Globe hired his daughter.
She and Chrystia Freeland were both hired, if memory serves me, by that leftist worm of an editor William Thorsell in the late ’90s.
And what do we get when we vote for charisma? A PM Trudeau. A PM Mulroney. And another PM Trudeau.
Stephen Harper had no charisma. Much better a running the actual government of the country than any of the above. If we could get a good run of at least fifty years of Prime Ministers without charisma we might have a shot at re-establishing a foundation of good government.
*
“cgh says… So naturally the Globe hired his daughter.”
i believe, some years back, i read, slackjawed, ms
mclarens account of receiving a br@zilian w@x.
this is what passes for actual journalism these days.
*
that leftist worm of an editor William Thorsell in the late ’90s
That’s around the time that the Flop and Flail started going downhill, which is hardly surprising. Previously, he ran the Edmonton Journal, helping turn that paper into fishwrap.
I’ve long considered Lean McLaren as a vapid, talentless hack. Much of what she wrote was incomprehensible, incoherent drivel.
what was that article about?
simple
when a liberal does it, it is not wrong.
when a woman/feminist does it, it is not wrong.
it does not matter what the topic is from Obama spying on Trump to a 25 year old having someone else baby suckle her milk-less breats,
when a liberal does it, it is not wrong
when a woman does it, it is no wrong ( unless she is a conservative )
that is what everything published in this culture is screaming at us
it is in Hollywood movies, tv shows, tv ads, newspapers, magazine article, magazine ads, it is in Ikea ads, coca cola ads, in yogurt ads, it is every where!!!!!!!!!
when the left does it, it is not wrong.
whatever the right does, it is always wrong.
*
she couldn’t have been 25… which still wouldn’t have been youthful indiscretion…
Beyond the backlash against the column’s general claims, several internet skeptics raised concerns about the accuracy of the timeline in McLaren’s story. According to a January 2015 profile of Chong in the Toronto Star, his sons William, then 10, Alistair, then 7 and Cameron, then 5, would not have been born in time for a house party in 2000, the year McLaren turned 25.
*
I don’t disagree. But I think that to get elected by selling libertarian principles to an apathetic electorate conditioned to see anyone to the right of Lenin as Hitler, there has to be some fire in the belly. And I’m not seeing it.
Given McLaren’s offhanded comment in the article about turning thirty, I’d bet money that the event happened in 2005, when she realized she was about to hit the Wall.
“I really like Maxime Bernier’s policies, but he has all the charisma of a pile of wet laundry.”
Well then he just needs to make sure he has someone with a spectacular rack standing beside him, kind of like he did with Julie Couillard.
The Rebel’s Faith Goldy has some comments on the matter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRB4HwRiBUg
and that is why he is my pick, he actually lives in the real world.
Creepy … that’s all. Just creepy. Creepers. The whole lot of em.
“Unfortunately politics is a blood sport and unless the conservatives come up with a candidate who can force the national attention onto him/herself and the Conservative Party in a positive way the conservatives will be in opposition following the next election.”
This, unfortunately, is entirely true. Case in point, can anyone here name the leader of the Ontario PCs, or name a single one of his/her/its policies? Being against anything Wynne says is not a policy, btw.