41 Replies to “WELCOME TO ADVENTURE!”

  4. That’s hil – ar- i – ous ! Someone otta send it to Obama. Seeing as he’s playing at being POTUS this might actually tip him off about where he is. It might give him a reading on the compass as he seems to have lost his way …

  6. “..yours truly included, who has ever played a text-based computer game”
    Yeah but I don’t recall this one, but then again I was preoccupied with slaying orcs, exploring dungeons, and testing every “dirty” word for a response. 😉

  7. Yes, the piece is excellent but, batb, how can you lose your way when you never knew how to get there in the first place?
    American bought into a guy who can read a speech. He can’t probably write one – but he can read one. An empty suit. Worse, if you can imagine, than Jimmy.

  8. Anyone for climate change snakes and ladders?
    It has a much smaller board because there is not much time left to act.
    4
    RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
    3
    SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE
    2
    DIE LIKE A POLAR BEAR
    1
    GET A GOVERNMENT GRANT
    and that’s it, kids, you don’t need dice, you don’t need markers, just look out the window, scream in terror at today’s weather, and cover your head with a blanket. You win. I lose.

  9. Fake Right Turn
    > Are you serious?
    Check compass heading
    > Due south to socialist paradise
    Accelerate to precipice, engage parachute
    > Parachute not packed, adventure over…
    Cheers
    Hans-Christian Georg Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
    1st Saint Nicolaas Army
    Army Group “True North”

  12. Haha! That’s just flat out greatness.
    I suddenly have an inkling to load up some old Infocom games on the emulator. Zork or Planetfall, anyone?

  13. Nice but I like the Choose Your Own Adventure Books.
    If you voted for Obama, turn to page forty-two. (On page forty-two) You are now out of a job and are apologising to Iran for some reason. Good-bye.
    Sterling work, Iowahawk.

  14. Obama has become the Panda.
    A listless androgynous existence in the forest of Marxist illusions.
    A political vision made from bamboo. In an age of volcanic ideology.
    Extinction politically has become his lonely song. The curse of inability that has metastasized in his Presidency.
    Burns his own base.
    Iowa Hawk shows us his path to this destination.
    JMO

  16. I’m most impressed/amazed at how many other SDA’ers are familiar with the text-based games from decades ago. Most of the people I know seem to have only touched a computer in this new millennium, or maybe as early as 1995, but few before that.
    As for me, my first distinct memory of playing such games was on my Vancouver high school’s mini-computer terminal in the Fall of 1977, soon after I had started Grade 8 (the first year of high school). I joined the Computer Club and got a few minutes here & there. The much larger Grade 12’s hogged the terminals most of the time. These terminals, by the way, were entirely paper-based. We didn’t get screens on that system until a few years later.
    Amazing how things have changed, eh?!

  17. The first computer i ever touched was a Commodore Pet at school and then we got a Vic-20 at home. My first work computer was a 286 laptop. I could type time card data into it faster than it could process the input. Once monthly we had to download the data to a floppy and send it to NDHQ by snail mail. Yes, how times have changed.

  18. Love this:
    You are in oval office. On the TV are Town Halls. At the Town Halls are peasants. They are yelling at your congress. What do you want to do?
    >Attack Peasants
    With what?
    >Media
    What weapon?
    >Race card
    The peasants are now angrier. What do you want to do?
    >Attack peasants

  19. Brilliant!!! The TOTUS himself could not have typed it better.I loved play the race card.Oh wait. The Zero/Dems aren’t about race,right?

  20. Forget the computer anologies….
    Obozo is like a cow with a musket….
    ….who left the ram-rod in after loading and then watched it head downrange with a dismal twang……
    Better….

  23. That was inspired. The only thing I would have added would have been:
    YOUR HEALTH CARE BILL IS IN A TWISTY MAZE OF LITTLE PASSAGES, ALL ALIKE.
    >TURN LEFT
    YOUR HEALTH CARE BILL IS IN A LITTLE MAZE OF TWISTY PASSAGES, ALL ALIKE.
    >TURN RIGHT
    YOUR HEALTH CARE BILL IS IN A MAZE OF TWISTY LITTLE PASSAGES, ALL ALIKE.
    repeat as necessary.

  26. I don’t know if it’s better or worse that B. Hussien doesn’t get satire. Is that a cultural thing? Can I still say that?
    Rush saying yesterday that B. Hussien and Michelle are having marital problems because they are both in love with the same person…. more please.

  27. It’s nice to see a tactic used extensively by the left turned against them and done so much better.

  28. Iowahawk! Iowahawk! Iowahawk! lol
    When the man gets on a tear just get out of his way and let him go. He is reason enough to join Twitter, he can fit more into 140 characters than most pundits can fit into a full page column!
    Select tweets,
    Parker Spitzer 2-part special! Parker & Spitzer find cursed tiki head in haunted Hawaiian cave. With Paul Begala as tiki head.
    Unemployment. National malaise. Now, streakers. And they laughed last year when I moved my 401k into pet rocks and polyester.
    Headed to L.A. Nov 3. Where’s the best place to watch distraught post election Hollywood liberals self-immolate?
    For what it’s worth: Obama’s first major decision was to select Joe Biden.
    31-y/o Ohio Woman Posed as Boy to Date Teenage Girl; Sentenced to 6 Month Prime Time Anchor Job at MSNBC
    #whyimvotingdemocrat because they create policies to help grow small businesses, like Acme Foreclosure Signs & A-1 Window Boarding

  29. Why hasn’t Iowahawk won a Pulitzer, or, better yet, the Nobel Prize for literature (which is worth a whole lot more money)? He’s as funny as P.G. Wodehouse, who, come to think of it, didn’t win any awards, either. Something is very wrong with the process by which the award committees make their decisions.

  32. I played all of the Infocom games — Planetfall was one of my favorites. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was my #1 though. 🙂
    Text adventures are alive and well. Do a Google search for Inform. I’ve dabbled with this programming environment that makes it very easy to create your own text adventures. I think I could turn Iowahawk’s brilliant writing into an actual game using it! Hmmmmm…

  33. I’m taking Nov 2 off to stay local and watch the the US media coverage of Armageddon Day for Obozo.
    With a well stocked fridge of beer and leftover pizza, it will be like watching the Stanley Cup final game, the Grey Cup, the Superbowl and the World Series Game 7 all on one day.

  34. CTL-DELETE: “CZAR”.
    ENTER: COMMISSAR.
    That’s better. “Czar” is a reference to the Czarist Romanov Russian Empire.
    Use of “CZAR” allows the left-liberals/socialists to elide/flyover the commissars of communist Lenin/Trotsky/Stalin/lberia, et al.
    Here are neo-communist O’s commissars:
    “>JONES, JENNINGS, HOLBROOK, CROWLEY, RATTNER, MONTGOMERY, BERSIN, HAYES, ROSS, STERN, ROSENTHAL, VOLKER, BROWNER, DUBOIS, DAVIS, FRIED, DEPARLE, KUNDRA, BLAIR, MITCHELL, FEINBERG, SUNSTEIN, HOLDREN, DEVANEY, GRATION, ALLISON, CHOPRA, BRENNAN, CARRION, CARTER, SAMORE”
    (op cit)

  35. Iowahawk rules, indeed!
    Peter O’Donnell – you’ve made my quote of the day 🙂

  36. Great! Iowahawk is one of the best satirists. My favorite. He describes Obama’s comic tragedy perfectly.
    This one reminded me of my friend’s old Commodore computer game. When my parents went over for coffee, I’d play an old type-in adventure like this one on his computer and completely ignore him. Oddly, the game eventually disappeared and could not be found – I was heartbroken at not being able to finish. I might have to look up this Inform thingy.

  37. Originally called ‘Hunt the Wumpus’ if I’m not mistaken. I played the game on a single board computer attached to an ASR33 teletype machine.
    None of this new fangled Commodore stuff for me! 😉

  38. Oh my, that was delicious. An excellent satiric piece against The One, and a harken back to my old text adventure days. I recall Hitchhikers Guide was the first text adventure I finished through to the end.

  39. Love this re-visit to one of the classic computer games of the eighties!
    One glaring omission – A hopelessly lost player always had the option of keying in XYZZY in response to any question – a final desperate & irrevocable action to extricate himself from his predicament. The result was unpredictable and often just as catastrophic. Been there, done that.

  40. BY “BASE”, DO YOU MEAN THAT REPULSIVE COLLECTION OF SNIDE f*ckWIT URBAN HIPSTER TWATS?
    LMFAO , made my day

  41. To Robert W. (Vancouver) at October 16, 2010 12:41 AM:
    I do confess to having a computer at an early age, it was one of those Sinclair ZX-80s.
    At the time I wasn’t enough of a geek or wealthy enough, so I ignored computers until 1995 (or thereabouts) when they became affordable. Who-hooo! 8 MB RAM, 40 MB HDD and a math co-processor to run AutoCad for three thousand dollars!
    First game I recall playing was either Doom or Warcraft.

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