Via Canadianna, a Toronto Sun item that raised my hackles. Abuse ruins life of girl, 7
– An Oshawa trucker was sentenced to 17 months in jail yesterday for ruining a young girl’s life with “despicable” sexual abuse….
How dare they?
When is society going to stand up and demand an end to this reprehensible behavior?
When are we going to demand that people stop declaring to young victims of sexually based crime that their lives are ruined before they begin?
“So sorry dear – you’re spoiled goods. Going to be a long 80 years….”
A few years ago a friend revealed, almost matter-of-factly, that as a young teenager she had been the victim of a gang rape. She jumped through the counselling hoops of conventional psychological wisdom until the day she realized that she was still wallowing in the event, stretching a brief trauma into an extended one. She decided instead to accept what happened, put it behind her and get on with her life. She never looked back.
While not everyone has that type of strength, her story does tell us something. If we want to help victims of sexual crimes regain normalcy, it’s time that society and the justice system stop sending mixed messages. We claim there is no shame in being a victim of sexually based crime, then try the cases in courts that “protect” identities and ban publication of testimony. We applaud their courage, then use “fate worse than” hyperbole equating rape with murder, as though the truly couragous victim would have choosen death over submission.
We tell small children that the crime is “not their fault” – but that their lives are ruined and childhoods at an end, placing before them the additional hurdle of self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sexual assault is a heinous, traumatic crime that deserves the full force of the law – additionally so, because of the predatory nature of offenders and the threat they pose to others.
It often requires a good deal of medical and emotional support for survivors to recover their health and their lives – but this is also true of drunk driving victims, those who survive beatings or robbery, survivors of spousal abuse – all of whom we expect to pick up the pieces and move on. Elevating the victim of sex crime to special status as the ruined perpetual “survivor” may be as damaging a societal response – perhaps more so – than that of 50 years ago, when they were told to shut up and get on with their lives in silence.