A sinister conspiracy

Little Known Facts 31 Comments

We were trying to keep this plot secret, but the Wall Street Journal has figured it out:

Think about it. Canadian officials send women across the border, smuggling in “anchor babies” cleverly disguised as clumps of tissue. The women give birth inside the U.S., which means their Canadian offspring are entitled to U.S. citizenship. As these “children” grow and mature, they receive instructions from their masters in Ottawa about how to undermine American culture.
Before you know it, your kids are stuffing themselves with litres of back bacon, downing kilogram after kilogram of Crown Royal and Labatt Blue, and belting out “God Save the Queen” as they watch hockey on TV.

Okay, so now they know. But do they dare stop us? They seem to leave the Mexicans alone, why pick on us?

31 Replies to “A sinister conspiracy”

  1. That metric thingy seems to be giving him a little trouble, too. BTW, anybody else get hungry and thirsty from that?

  2. That was priceless. I loved the “News you can use” feature as well — a great wrap up to the day.

  4. Just make sure when they curse that they do so in BOTH official languages!
    Bwahahahahahaha!

  5. What’s black bacon, please don’t tell me it is related to black pudding?

  7. From the article:
    “It’s all so horrible to contemplate, but it can be stopped. All we need to do is make America as inhospitable as Canada for expectant Canadian mothers. Hillary Clinton has the right idea: The U.S. needs socialized medicine.”

  8. The ‘Wall Street Journal’? Not typicaly known for satire, I’ll admit. Oh well, nice to see them assuming a less serious attitude anyway.
    On second thought, maybe by ‘Ottawa’ they mean the CBC. That kind of casts things in a different light, I think. Undermining American culture seems to be a mandate of many CBC mandarins.

  9. Add this to the list of quotes from Pastor Jeremiah Wright:

    Before you know it, your kids are stuffing themselves with litres of back bacon, downing kilogram after kilogram of Crown Royal and Labatt Blue, and belting out “God Save the Queen” as they watch hockey on TV.
    But, but of course you must have taken it out of context…
    you “Cracker A$$ HONKEY”

  12. This can bite back. In the 40’s & 50’s the women at the Tulsequah Mine in northern BC were sent to Alaska to give birth. Come the Vietnam War, and the boys were being drafted. On the other hand, women from the Northport area in Washington state used to come up to B C to give birth. No word as to whether the Canadians wanted their boys for combat.

  13. Penny, I couldn’t resist enlightening you to the joys of back bacon (not black bacon). Usually we eat what the English call (lower class) streaky bacon, but back bacon is from the meat on the back of the pig. Have you had a full English breakfast in Britain? It includes a streaky tail, which is removed on the Canadian bacon, giving it an ovoid shape.
    It was so highly prized by the Americans that in the 30s and 40s they used to take home entire rolls of it.
    P.S. Don’t be fooled by peameal bacon, which is cured not smoked.

  16. “Before you know it, your kids are stuffing themselves with litres of back bacon, downing kilogram after kilogram of Crown Royal and Labatt Blue, and belting out “God Save the Queen” as they watch hockey on TV.”
    Typical yanks – they messed up the units for mass and volume!
    😀


  18. Best of The Web    , written by James Taranto, is a daily dose of satire of the highest order (although every once in awhile he’s serious) and is on my list of must-reads up there with the Great Steyn.

    Taranto, Steyn, P.J. O’Rourke, and, yes, Catherine McMillan are among those who confirm the fact that conservatives are intelligent and humorous.

  19. I love both back bacon and Crown Royal (ya, a little too much) but I do it differently. I down litres and litres of Crown Royal and kilograms and kilograms of back bacon. I don’t know – just call me different.

  20. All kidding aside, sounds like the provinces of BC and Ontario have their health care issue all ironed out and working great. Did I mention that those provinces are governed by LIBERALS!!!!!!

  21. Yep, there’s nothing like sitting down to a huge plate of back bacon and fried eggs (easy over) and washing it all down with a litre or two of Crown Royal. Then off to work so you can bring home more back bacon.
    Beats that fatty side bacon with Tennessee sour mash all to heck!

  22. Why pick on you? Three simple reasons: you can’t play baseball like the Latinos do, your football field is the wrong size, and you won’t do gardening for ridiculously low wages. 😉
    But we like your beer.

  24. I would sacrifice a Liberal to get my hands on a copy of “The Canadian Conspiracy,” from 1985 starring Eugene Levy, John Candy, Leslie Nielsen, Lorne Green, and slew of other Canadian entertainers.

  25. Ya big dummy. Everybody knows it was my Puerto Rican neighbor and Esther that brought down the 9-11 Twin Towers.

  26. Thank for educating me on back bacon. Now I know what it is. I’ve had it at breakfast in Ireland. I swore I saw a “L” in the word.
    Just give us a Tim Hortons in Florida is all that I ask.

  29. Remember Rudy’s and many other politicians commenting on health care in the US. Where would cdns go to get health care if the US adoped national health care.

  30. [quote]Just give us a Tim Hortons in Florida is all that I ask. [/quote]
    Penny,
    Tim Hortons is US owned…..

  31. On those units of weight and volume – it wasn’t us that changed, it was you.
    However, that Imperial gallon and metric ton business was cheating. I think it’s just a plot. We think we speak the same language, but we don’t. I know, we can’t spell either.

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