The Internet: Today’s Winner

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22 Replies to “The Internet: Today’s Winner”

  1. It gets worse, later he transitions to ejection seats.
    It’s not just evil corporations that are cost averse, I wouldn’t pay even $25 extra for a parachute option.
    If you show up at check-in with your own parachute I don’t think they will let you on the plane. At the very least they are going to ask you a long string of questions . . .

  4. I don’t need power generation, I get my electricity from the wall.

    Don’t kill animals , buy your meat from the super markets

  5. I don’t think that it is possible to parachute from an airliner that is on the way down at 32 feet per second squared.

  6. Oh my, where to begin. Number one, it takes a lot of training to successfully jump out of an airplane and pull the D-ring. That’s why newbies jump in a double harness with an instructor and then make static line jumps with a dummy D-ring. Two, recreational parachutists jump over nice flat fields on summer days when the winds are calm. An emergency jump from a crippled airliner would up end with parachutists hung up in trees, hydro lines, etc or drowned in water. If the wind is high they will dragged along the ground. If the weather is inclement they will die from exposure. Three, what are you going to do with the children, geezers and obese?

    The fellow describes himself as a political journalist. Enough said.

    1. what are you gonna do with the obese ? give them TWO parachutes…or three! hahaha!

  7. In my younger days, I traveled quite a few times in C-130 Hercs and DHC Caribous.

    Not a lot of parachutes in evidence for passengers or crew.

    Unless the wings fall off (like the famous video of the over-loaded and over-stressed C-130 water-bomber), it is actually safer for the pilot to control the aircraft to whatever landing can be achieved.

    According to my professional pilot friends:

    Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

    It’s only a “crash” if somebody on board dies. Everything less is a “heavy landing”.

    Any landing in which you can re-use the aircraft is a bonus.

  8. – It’s even simpler than that; at issue is not (so much) the expense, it’s the weight. A parachute-for-every-passenger would be a LOT of expense (and remember, they need periodic inspection), and a LOT of weight; and the aircraft can only carry so much weight. Two tons of parachutes = two fewer tons of paying passengers. Likewise, commercial aircraft carry JUST enough fuel to get there, plus a small margin for (very rare) unseen events at the other end – like an aircraft immobile on the runway, they gotta’ go around or divert. Every ton of fuel they carry, is a ton of paying passengers they can’t, so they fill ‘er up only when they must – or if they’re somewhere fuel is cheaper and they can afford to carry the weight. Plus, the more weight they carry, the sooner their engines need vastly-expensive overhauls; it’s a slim margin.

    So let’s look at the practical aspects of “a parachute per passenger”. Ever put one of those on? I have – if you know what you’re doing, it takes about five minutes – and a lot of space to stand-in is a bonus. In the aisle of a crowded jet with everybody else trying to do it, and half of them out-of-their-mind panicking ( – and at least a few of them deciding they don’t trust their parachute, they want yours?) – yeah, good luck with that. And it’s easy – dead easy, if I may crack wise – to put it on wrong, guaranteeing you’ll cripple yourself when it opens, or make-it to the ground long before your parachute does. By the way, you DO have fifteen minutes, good lighting and no turbulence for donning your ‘chute? Considering most aircraft accidents happen on takeoff or landing, no; you most likely don’t.

    The only way this could be done would be to put a ‘chute in the back of the seats, and require all passengers to remain in their seats, strapped-in – TIGHT – while airborne; yeah, that’ll be REAL popular, and in an era of teenagers being given antibiotics for acne and then not bothering to take them all, breeding antibiotic-resistant microbes as a result, I bet the passengers won’t do it. And how do you get the seats out of the ‘plane? – yeah, we’re talking ejector seats now; lots more cost, lots more weight. You’re far better riding the aircraft in, even over water; Sully showed us that it works, and the ‘plane floats long enough for you to get in a raft. And it’s Canada’s proud boast that no crash survivor that we knew about, has waited more than fifteen hours to hear wings overhead and see the SAR techs on the way down to you – and they’ll see the wreckage of your aircraft long before they see a lot of little individuals on the ground below. Incidentally, if you’re flying a polar route – you ARE wearing a full outfit of heavy furs on the aircraft? Because if not, you’ll freeze to death in a lot less than fifteen hours.

    In sum, it’s unworkable – and the circumstances where it’d be useable are so rare that you mi’se well carry an elephant gun in downtown Manhattan just in case one escapes from the Bronx zoo and comes looking for you. If we’re really going to get serious about risk-aversion, shouldn’t we outlaw cellphones instead? – they’re killing 11 teens a day in the U.S. just now…

  9. Personally I like the idea of lining up 250 calm passengers for the jump through those little doors. No chance of raving panic ever taking over.

    1. Bear in-mind that in just about all commercial airliners, the port-side horizontal stabilizer lines-up with the cabin door?

  10. I can add little to the chorus above, but yeah, no. As the saying goes, that guy’s “not even wrong”.

    I’ve done a tandem jump in decent weather in Hawaii. It was amazing. But unless an airliner is on fire, I’ll take my chances aloft until the pilot can control us down. There are just so many ways this idea can go horribly, horribly wrong.

  11. barf bag?
    I thought THAT was the ‘compact’ safety parachute. whaallllll sheeee-it.
    p.s., I once parachuted from a plane in 1972.
    we did the jump from some private landing strip near Centralia. I could see Lake Huron hugely on the horizon. naturally when I told an acquaintance they denied it was the lake I was seeing from 3000 feet.
    it was a static line jump. the jump master was with the Israeli army. Igal Holtzer his name. he congratulated me on my jump.

  12. I’ll pass on the parachutes: the most dangerous part of air travel is STILL the cab ride to the airport…

  13. Obviously, this individual failed econ 101. Back in the 90s, it was discovered that Kangeroo meat found its way
    into some Australian beef that was bought by Jack In The Box. Ever the smart-ass, I went to a Jack In The Box
    and ordered a Kangaroo burger. Their stock prices dropped like a rock in the weeks after the story was
    published. The same would go for an agricultural company linked to an E-Coli outbreak. The airlines are no
    different. Bad news is bad for business. If the FAA shredded every safety regulation on the books, there would
    be no discernable difference in maintenance procedures. No airline company wants a reputation for being
    unsafe. If Southwest Airlines put out a slogan that said “We’ll get you there in one piece if we can,” they would
    be bankrupt overnight.

    In my yout, I was a dishwasher. Within six months, I was making the “big bucks” as a cook. No restaurant will
    long stay in business if they serve crappy food, feature lousy service, have insect infestations or serve up Ptomaine
    poisoning with their food. This is the beauty of capitalism. This is especially true in the age of online restaurant
    reviews. The customer may always be right, but a small percentage of customers are jack-holes who will complain
    about everything! My rule of thumb is that 4 or better out of 5 is most likely an exceptional eatery. Satisfying your
    customers, and keeping them safe is job one. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an economic illiterate who probably
    studied economics at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow.

    1. As an Australian, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with Kangaroo meat, except maybe its annoying habit of jumping up and down on the grill, Phil.

      Lean but not stringy, see also; Asian water buffalo.

      You are absolutely correct about service. I used to do a lot of business flying in Asia. BEST airline, by far, was Thai. It almost seemed that, to help you sort out ticketing, lost luggage, etc., they would crawl over broken glass, all the while smiling politely. For ANY airline, railway, shipping company etc., being reliably and consistently able to deliver customers to their destinations in one piece is a pretty good selling point as well.

      1. I was in the hotel in LAX, there was a Thai flight crew staying there. BEAUTIFUL stews – sharp, classy, knew how to dress – but seeing them muster at the desk next morning was painful. Traditional Thai costume – I think they call them Saris – they could barely walk, and flat-out, I doubt they could’ve done 3 mph with those kneecap-hugging skirts.

        Give me an Air Canada stew anytime – dressed in fire-retardant boiler suits, and yes, they CAN throw you over their backs and walk off the ‘plane with you in an emergency. Of course, it being Air Calamada, they’ve had real-world practice…

  16. How do you get the door open on a jet when it’s pressurized? You’ll never have time between 8,000 ft and the ground if you are on your way down. Dunning-Kruger effect may apply to this fellow.

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