I used to think that the most annoying sound on earth is a mosquito hovering in the dark near my ear, but that was before I heard the “bellowing and enduring screech” of the vuvuzela, a one-note plastic trumpet that mindless African fans at the World Cup have been playing nonstop. Anyone who’s ever been kept awake by a bunch of braying, idiotic drunks knows that fully half of of the annoyance comes not from the volume but from having to hear such stupidity; similarly, the problem with the ungodly din of the vuvuzela isn’t just the decibel level – a single vuvezela is capable of 120 decibels – it’s hearing the audible evidence of the damnable stupidity of the IQ-challenged African fans who think it’s a good idea to make that sound nonstop for hours on end during a soccer match.
It’s little wonder that Cape Town shops are “running out of ‘vuvu-stopper’ earplugs. Spanish player Xabi Alonso’s description of the noise as “unbearable” is almost an understatement. To my ears it sounds like a giant swarm of metre-long robotic mosquitos with mechanical problems hovering six inches above my deathbed, but everyone’s got their own description: Martin Parry of AFP thinks it sounds like “a swarm of angry bees,” while Germany’s The Local describes it as being like a swarm of angry hornets.
Calls to have the vuvuzela banned from the World Cup – “the incessant single-note tooting drives me to distraction” – are widely shared. If you want to know why, listen to the stadium sound at around the 30 second mark in this video. Are you ready to confess yet?
Causing discomfort and annoyance might actually be the whole point: “To foreign coaches and players they could be a curse, (but) to South Africans they might yet be the secret weapon…” The South African coach says “We have to reinforce that advantage. We want it
Whatever works…. this is after all kickball.
Syncro
I’ve watched a couple of the games, and the horns don’t bother me, probably because the noise doesn’t come over loud enough on the TV. If it were higher-pitched like a trumpet it would be worse. It really does sound like a swarm of bees though.
The video sort of shoots itself in the foot when it brings on the bagpipes as an example of Scottish culture. So whose culture includes the accordion?
South African coach: “To hell with fair play, we’ll take every cheat we can get!”
Kind of misses the point of sport, don’t you think?
The horns are cut to random lengths. The shorter they are the more shrill.
Discordance is the result and that’s whats wrong with many places in Africa.
Their rhythms are a different matter. Tune the VuVus and join in the beat… problem solved. NOW ya got a cheering section.
I’d be pretty upset if I had spent a few hundred dollars on a ticket to a World Cup match, only to have some savage blow one of those constantly in my ear.
As I understand it, FIFA wanted to ban the things, but as is so often the case, political correctness ruled the day. FIFA didn’t want to be seen as interfering with the culture and traditions of the host nation, so they backed off.
Funny thing is Africans can, when they want to, create really good music, and they can sing beautifully.
But I think for the majority of black South Africans the World Cup is really just an excuse to go wild. I suspect the majority of them attending the games are not there to appreciate the soccer.
“Funny thing is, Africans can…create really good music…”
Exactly, TJ. It would be great to hear Africans singing in the stands; they could easily put Manchester United fans (for example) to shame. Instead, we’re hearing this obnoxious, appallingly stupid plastic toy, suggestive of a 60’s era Hong Kong suburban fad-knockoff, which makes the worst sound ever in the history of the universe.
It’s just so very, very, very dumb. Africa’s been described as the cradle of civilization; well, now we know what 60,000 wailing plastic babies who can’t feed themselves sound like.
To me, the most annoying noise of human origin is the ululation of muslim women in celebration. It makes me want to cut out their tongues.
The second most annoying noise of human origin is the “woo hoo” celebrations of American women in their teens or 20s. That sound makes me want to beat them.
These are followed in close third place is the snapping sound illegal aliens make with their hooker cards to get your attention before attempting to pass them out on the Vegas strip. That sound makes me want to break their fingers. I always wonder why, after observing the first half dozen fail to hand out their cards to me, that the other dozen or believe their attempt will be successful.
I found Robert Green’s gaff much more annoying.
To tell the truth, the incessant whistling the mindless European soccer nuts engage in needed something to succeed it.
The vuvuzela or whatever its called is welcome relief from the whistling, as long as it stays in Africa.
The NP covered this last week, indicating that FIFA had no intention on banning the instrument. The column also quoted many players, non SA’s of course, who hate the things.
Speaking of other oddities wrt the WC, has anyone noticed any weird behaviour on the part of the new balls Adidas introduced? I understand that many forwards as well as goalies hate the new ball (Adidas introduces a new ball before each WC) because it has ‘action’ similiar to that of a knuckleball pitch in baseball. FIFA had no intention of changing that decision either.
And keeping with the soccer theme, the Gloucester Dragon minor soccer association here in Ottawa recinded its ludicrous rule of penalizing the team who scored +5 goals by awarding victory to the vanquished. Now, if a team goes +8 the game is, wait for it, over! At least they get to keep the win.
TG if those things are 120dB, you don’t want 60 thousand of them establishing a beat frequency. It would probably shake the stadium to the ground like a Roman legion marching in unison over a bridge… images of the Tacoma Narrows bridge in a slight breeze come to mind.
PhilM, regarding the Ottawa soccer league and the max scoring issue…I missed the previous discussion, but I wanted to point out that in local hockey leagues around Toronto, the routinely only DISPLAY ON THE SCOREBOARDS a score that is a maximum of 5 point lead.
The score may actually be 20-2, but the scoreboard would only read 7-2. As the weaker team scores goals, they just keep adding goals on the scoreboard for the stronger team while keeping the 5 goal max differential.
Every parent that I’ve talked to agrees that this is a fair approach…its only house-league…no need to embarrass the kids. Why couldn’t something like this work? Why stop the game? The point (for house-league) is to have fun and play…not NECESSARILY to win.
Dumbing down seems to be the curse of many sports, professional or otherwise. Something like the outfits from failed Italian fashion designers bicyclists around here apparently are forced to wear each time they get on a bike.
The traditional South African vuvuzela: extruded in bright-coloured plastic for centuries by Zulu tribesmen. No, wait. It’s a piece of dollar-store, Chinese-made junk. What would be the cultural insentivity of banning it?
EBD: “Causing discomfort and annoyance might actually be the whole point …”
Halfway into your description of the incessant and annoying playing of the vuvuzela, I thought, “ah ha! The perfect way to drive your opponents to utter distraction and an early grave … point-wise, that is.”
‘Much like the drone-like playing of steel drums during the Dia des Razas in the Caribbean, where the drummers march like zombies and the listeners are lulled into a lugubrious trance.
It’s pretty clear that the vuvuzela is designed to create an altered state of consciousness, aka, craziness.
Shouldn’t the officials be blowing the whistle on that?
I’m just wondering if the Israelites might have used vuvuzelas when they brought down the Walls of Jericho?
It’s a very annoying noise and I’ sure it’s worse when the person sitting beside you is doing it constantly. It would be hard not to punch them in the head.
Thank God nobody is doing “the wave” like they used to. It may have looked good on tv but to be at a game it was terrible.
Could be worse, it could be cowbells. I used to go to the games of the West Palm Beach Blades (yes there was minor league hockey in Florida), and there was a guy at ever game with a cowbell. Made wonder, how hard would it be to smuggle a rifle in here with a scope, and what are the odds that anybody would tell anybody anything other than “I didn’t see nuttin.”
If the goal was to remove all semblance of atmosphere and thrill if the game, the vuvu horns are the perfect weapon. This will go down as the least enjoyable World Cup I’ve witnessed so far.
I’ve been to London twice to watch my favorite club team and the crowd is 70% of the experience. Now, we’re forced to concentrate on the boorishness of teams like Nigeria and the tactical ignorance of England.
the ultimate torture! A sound so annoying, you couldn’t possibly snooze, coupled with a sport so boring, you couldn’t possibly keep from snoozing…
Can’t believe all the B.S. reporting coming out of South Africa. There was one shot of some park in Johannesberg and the story was that in the dark past no blacks were allowed in the park and what great progress had been made. Only problem was now there are no white people in the park.
A trained embouchure can do wonders.
click on “Abafana”.
The vuvuzela is South Africa’s answer to Millwall. And you know what has to be done with both of them.
“A sound so annoying, you couldn’t possibly snooze, coupled with a sport so boring, you couldn’t possibly keep from snoozing…”
Exactly. I forgive the third worlders for enjoying this activity, but lately I’ve noticed a growing interest from north american men, even the usually sensible guys at Power Line blog. I suspect this is a sport for guys who want to discuss sports in a semi-macho way, but like an air of sophistication. It’s kinda like wine tasting, as opposed to drinking.
I watched a couple of games last night and thought there was a swarm of mosquitoes in the house. It was totally annoying if you ask me. At least Canadian football fans try to play a tune or sound the charge with their noisemakers.
btw, when I first read about the vuvuzela, I though “How in heaven’s name can you make noises like that blowing through a vulva?” Talk about your Freudian slip…
I agree with Homer soccer is B-O-R-I-N-G!
Overheard in a South Florida bar: “Let’s face it, almost everything about soccer is annoying.”
Don’t forget, the Scottish Bagpipe was used as an instrument of war, to demoralize and panic the enemy,it must have worked.
Bannock and whiskey are two more Scots inventions perhaps enjoyed after a day of Piping.
Natives have embraced the former, and unfortunately, the latter .
The “traditional” vuvuzela bears close resemblance to an obnoxious toy that was the rage here ,about 20 years ago.
It is about as traditional for Africans as the Cree bagpipe,and that might well be a blessing.
Okay, Nick, I won’t forget.
I’m watching as many of the games as I can (lots), and yes, it’s annoying. But remember, it’s not that any one person is incessantly blowing it, it’s that in a full stadium, even if any one person blows the horn once every few minutes, it’ll be a non-stop sound.
” I suspect this is a sport for guys who want to discuss sports in a semi-macho way, but like an air of sophistication. It’s kinda like wine tasting, as opposed to drinking.”
Posted by: hudson duster at June 13, 2010 10:43 AM
I think you nailed it.
When did soccer get onto North American TV? And the more relevent question, why?
If in a game where one uses their feet to propel the ball – we call it soccer, then it must be the same logic that in a game where one uses their hands to propel a ball – we call it football.
No wonder we’re a confused society.
I went to a fight once and a soccer game broke out.
It sounds like it might be an effective moose call.
The South African coach says “We have to reinforce that advantage. We want it louder and louder…”
Poor sportsmanship and being a terrible host. Nice.
That sound was the first thing I noticed. the networks have to find a way to filter it out, I can’t watch with that horrible racket.
Does anyone doubt this? If the horn-blowing fans happened to be white:
1. the media would be relentless in their attacks, basically calling them white trash;
2. the guest teams would have made formal complaints to FIFA;
3. FIFA would have taken steps, using local police and security people to ban the horns from the stadium;
4 there would be mandatory police and security horn seizures at the gate and in the stadium of any furtive horns brought out to blow.
And I don’t even want to imagine the consequences if the stadium horn-blowers were both white and Jewish…
Yeah, it gets annoying. But try to ban it and it will just get louder.
These things, or something very similar, are long time fixtures at NHL and CFL games. People also make noise when the visiting QB is trying to call audibles.
The difference is that, unlike the World Cup, people don’t blow them non-stop. It’s like their maturity was arrested at age 10.
I hate it when the Canucks play in Calgary…….many Calgary fans blow on a similar device, a plastic trumpet-like deal, and it’s annoying as f*ck.
Lot’s of very good, and in some cases very humorous comments. Thanks EBD for starting the conversation.
The only thing I would add is that based on my visits to South Africa over the years, the country is slowly falling apart, yet everyone seems to be unaware of it. A bit like a frog in water that is slowly being heated.
The sheer number of idiots playing those annoying vuvuzelas suggests that the average citizen is rather unsophisticated, and I suspect the voters will eventually elect a genuine dictator – after all, they are already toying with the idea via the ANC.
Grown men butting balls with their heads and no fighting; what a waste of time.
Hey, don’t any of you realize this is not much different than those stupid “thundersticks” given out for CFL games? Stop making this about race.
I used to think the Zulu showed courage to attack rifles with spears….on reflection it was just stupidity…that succeeded only when gross stupidity occurred on the other side…..Roorkes Drift proved that.
ACORN at the World Cup?
Never cared much for massed pipebands…close up.
Nothing compares to the sound of a lone piper, a mile or so hence, in the still of the evening.
Pity the man, who hears the pipes, that wasn’t born in Scotland.
Comparing thundersticks to vuvuzelas. Now that is funny!
Stop making this about race.- wendy.g
Pssssst….agreed, but don’t feed the troll.
“Nothing compares to the sound of a lone piper, a mile or so hence, in the still of the evening.”
Agreed, but a lone piper at 5:00 am going up and down the tent lines tends to garner him a collection of boots.
The reason this sound doesn’t bother the locals is that it replicates one of their major continental exports of terror…African Killer Bees!!!
Nothing like the sights and sounds of HOME!
…based on my visits to South Africa over the years, the country is slowly falling apart…
Like many African countries you can tell how long ago they obtained their “independence from the white-man” by observing how far their infrastructure has run down.
I guess no one is old enough to remember the din of these annoying fan toys at NHL games – made popular by the broad street bullies fans in the Shero days.
Then there was the purist nutter who brought their frikkin’ bugle to the game.
Yeah..but if the whites had the horns, they would be capped at both ends and filled with beer..!
I used to have one of those things that my brother in law borrowed to take to Eskimo games. It only had one note unlike the pipes and their 9 note range.
Of course the pipes only prove the Scots lack a sense of humour. The Irish gave the Scots the pipes as a joke and the Scots haven’t caught on yet.
Soccer, like golf and baseball is a boring game to watch. Being at a baseball game or a soccer match on the other hand is an enjoyable event. There is always something happening even if on the field the only thing happening is the scratching of testicular appendages.
I took in a soccer match in Vancouver a long time ago and it was more of a Woodstock type of gathering. Crowds were either singing or chanting and dancing about only to try and be outdone by the opposition’s fans. CFL football used to be that way too. I remember being in the east side stands of Bomber games chanting “West side sucks”. Not having the afternoon shade and copious amounts of amber beverage does that to folks 😉