In a stinging retort to criticisms levied by the lowlife Swift Boat Veterans, who claim that John Kerry-Heinz’s heroic Vietnam record is fabricated, the Massachusetts-based Wealthy Swift Yacht Veterans will unveil a commercial in which they maintain that Kerry-Heinz is a “jolly good fellow” and a “dapper gentleman indeed.”
The ad features three white-haired men dressed in sailor hats, cravats, gold chains, gold Rollex watches, with blue, anchor-lapelled blazers; all of the men are sipping cognac, and two of them smoke pipes. They all claim to be Wealthy Swift Yacht Veterans who knew Kerry-Heinz during his “uproarious” days at their exclusive yacht club.
Highlights from the ad include:
“I had the pleasure of making Master Kerry-Heinz�s acquaintance on many a jovial occasion,” claims Beauregard Kendalson, ” and I say with full confidence that Kerry-Heinz cares about the little people, even Negroes.”
“In the summer of �72 John and I took the yacht to Lisbon,” says Jacob Allen Reimschneider in between sips of cognac, “we were alone … at sea … for three months … and there was … surprisingly little … homosexual activity. That bespeaks … determination and leadership to me.”
[…]
A spokesman for President Bush says that the ad is “disingenuous,” and that, “John Kerry-Heinz is letting the Wealthy Swift Yacht Captains do his blue-blood work for him.”

Heh.
Go read the whole thread.
Added to the Traffic Jam

Quotations in Courage

FDR: “Yesterday, December 7, 1941 – a date which will live in infamy – the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. In response, I am despatching a triple amputee with an extremely angry letter to Tokyo.”
Nathan Hale: “I regret that I have but one limb — belonging to some other guy — to give for my country.”

“Masquerading as a Republican staffer, Wippo approached more than twenty celebrities with a variety of outlandish requests…”

I’m calling from the Republican National Convention. We are interested in having Mr. Knievel make an appearance while the convention is going on here in New York.
No kidding!
Yeah. Is that something Mr. Knievel would be interested in? I mean, given his whole red-white-and- blue motif . . .
Oh, yeah. I don�t know if you have heard, but Robbie has publicly supported the president on a couple of issues, just out of the goodness of his heart, just because that is his belief.
How wonderful. Has he ever jumped elephants before?
[Long pause] No.
Because elephants are the symbol of the Republican Party. We’re thinking twenty elephants. You know, prime time, outside Madison Square Garden.
Robbie is jumping on the deck of the Intrepid here Saturday night. Did you know he was on the Today show this morning?
[…]
Yeah, well, I mean, there’s no money involved.
[Long pause] No money? What about production costs?
That would be covered by the campaign. But this will basically be a good-faith gesture to the party. We may be able to work out some small donation. Is that essential?
Yeah! He risks his life for what he does.
His insurance bills must be very high.
Yeah. I mean, he’s never jumped for free in his entire life.
But he loves his work, doesn’t he?
He does, but unlike a concert singer, he risks his life when he performs.
Right. But he�d be risking his life for the Republican Party. It�s not a bad PR angle for him.
[Dubiously] Yeah . . .

Via Wizbang

May’s mother died two years ago. She brought her ashes to the match to spread on the court.
The previous night, May tossed just a few out there.
“This is probably just her right arm or leg,” she told reporters.

“Who’s there?”

A few years ago I ripped up a patch of lawn with the intention of turning it into garden. Success has been well…. uneven. I’ve actually given much of it over to a tangle of wild flowers, the most successful of which are the volunteer descendants of Brown-eyed Susan seeds I plucked from a roadside several years ago. Otherwise, things have not been worth writing home about. My corn grows to 16″ in height. I have had failed potato crops. Failed potato crops. Imagine.

(Yes, I grabbed a tire iron to stake some flowers. Deal with it.)
But this year, a turnaround. I have romaine and spinach on my plate every night, there is celery and purple, green and yellow beans that will be ready in about a week. The beets are actually growing, I may get carrots and I’ve had my first feed of baby red gourmet style potatoes.
The tomatoes will still be a while yet, but they’re healthy and flowering. There’s even hope for the corn.
And snap peas! Peas with edible pods.. who knew? I’m cooking more of them tonight. Delicious little things raw or steamed. Why would anybody grow the labour intensive inedible pod varieties at all?
This wasn’t so hard, after all. All it took was some rain and a bit of planning to take better advantage of sun exposure. My thumb may be showing a hint of green after all.
I’m hooked.
Next year, I’m planting chickens.

“The driver, I found out later, was drunk, from Texas, and had only one arm.”

Hey lady, what are you complaining about? You bought the kid the Horny Garfield Humping Inanimate Object Toy [tm].

(Added to today’s traffic jam)

Yum!

As I’ve noted in the past, Matt Drudge is so funny.
And so is the Governator.

“If they don’t have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, ‘I don’t want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers … if they don’t have the guts, I call them girlie men,” Schwarzenegger said to the cheering crowd at a mall food court in Ontario.
The governor lifted the term from a long-running “Saturday Night Live” skit in which two pompous, Schwarzenegger-worshipping weightlifters repeatedly use it to mock those who don’t meet their standards of physical perfection.
Democrats said Schwarzenegger’s remarks were insulting to women and gays and distracted from budget negotiations. State Sen. Sheila Kuehl said the governor had resorted to “blatant homophobia.”
“It uses an image that is associated with gay men in an insulting way, and it was supposed to be an insult. That’s very troubling that he would use such a homophobic way of trying to put down legislative leadership,” said Kuehl, one of five members of the Legislature’s five-member Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Caucus.

Oh, boo hoo, ya whiney bunch of pansies.

I’ve been sick all day. Migraine.
Update. Saturday. Still sick. Went to the city and got some medication and a couple litres of fluids by IV. I feel a little better, but not up to staring at a screen and thinking coherent thoughts.
Not too sick to delete a troll, though.

On the scale of stupidity where a “one” is walking out the door with your shoelaces untied… and “ten” is lobbing oxyacetelene-filled party balloons into a bonfire – this is a twelve.
hat tip Flea

A cold, windy spring, interrupted by travel and a fairly heavy work schedule. Then, rain and more rain. But the wind has stopped, the streets have dried and the sun has broken out.
Tonight I pushed her out of the corner of the garage, rinsed and filled the tank, reinstalled the battery and cleaned and tightened down the plugs…
“Alive, she cried.”

I positively reek of gasoline. It’s better than perfume.

Come to think of it … I don’t own any perfume.

Now, this is my idea of a speed date.

“Ayn Rand, 100%”
Not entirely surprising. Take the philosophy quiz for yourself.

Western premiers and their northern counterparts just wrapped up a two day meeting.
On the agenda – BSE and the continuing border closure, health care funding and a midnight fling with the locals…

According to Saskatchewan premier Lorne Calvert, he and several others signed up for the blanket toss. He did concede his wife was concerned about the availability of radiologists in Inuvik.

update – while you read it here first, The Globe now has the story and a photo of BC premier Gordon Campbell in mid-air.

Kevin Libin is watching the Calgary Stampede parade.

Strange that parade planners didn’t seem concerned about the fact that they have the Muslim Council of Calgary float being followed by the Edmonton Crusaders Marching Band.

ASSISTANCE REQUIRED FOR ACQUISITION OF PRESIDENCY

Dear sir,
I write to inform you of my desire to acquire the White House in our country on behalf of a legislator in the Senate.
Considering his very strategic and influential position, he would want the transaction to be strictly confidential as possible. He further want his identity to remain undisclosed at least for now, until the completion of the transaction.
I was deprived of my rightful position as President of our country, through the nefarious actions of a criminal right-wing coup and corrupt court officials. Before they deposed me, I secretly deposited money and declared it with diplomatic security company that transports valuable goods/consignment through diplomatic courier service to their offshore offices.
To regain my rightful place, we need the assistance of an honest person like yourself. I wish to discuss how much I will offer you if you will be willing to assist me claim the money to invest in our quest to regain the Presidency. I want to assure you that all modalities are put in place and it is a risk free transaction. I’m trusting you as a God fearing person who will not sit on my lifesaving fund. This business demands absolute secrecy and confidentiality, thus all communications for now should be through e-mail because all my phone lines are connected to the country’s telecommunication network services. I will furnish you with more details when I receive your positive response.
You are requested to communicate your acceptance or otherwise of this proposal, through my direct email: algore@hotmail.com After which we shall discuss in details the modalities for seeing this transaction through. If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly destroy this letter in view of the confidentiality of the proposed transaction and interest of personalities involved.
Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation.
Best Regards,
Al G.

Breaking News:

ESR OBTAINS SCRIPT FOR NEXT MICHAEL MOORE MOVIE: It’s apparently entitled “Pig at the Trough” and it blows apart conventional thinking about the Oil for Food scandal that has conservatives salivating at the prospect of embarrassing the United Nations. According to Moore’s next movie, the villain behind the scandal isn’t who you think it is.

hat tip – Flea

The Canadian Kennel Club is a self-important, politically infected, management-heavy little non-profit organization with delusions of grandeur, completely reflective of the incestuous nature of the Canadian dog show otherworld.
The organization is currently in political crisis and flirting with financial collapse.
With an annual gross income of around $6 million (CDN), half paid out in “human resources”, last year they lost about a quarter million dollars – the third straight year of loss.
The CEO is reportedly paid in the neighborhood of $600 dollars a day – with non-performance related bonuses. It’s hard to be sure – it’s a self-renewing contract with a “confidentiality clause” that meant for years, board members could not get access to details of that contract, including how much he was being paid.
The last time I wrote something about him, he called the Ontario Provincial Police to charge me with issuing a “threat”. Funny little man.
Anyhow, none of this flood of red ink seems to have any effect on encouraging business efficiency. Today, on an email list, someone noted the following;

“This is not CKC bashing…..just facts. Yesterday I received a large brown envelope from the CKC…it said ‘DO NOT FOLD OR BEND” across the face of it. Postage was .98 cents.
Upon opening, it revealed a letter saying enclosed was a new form. The new form was an “invoice/record of transaction which was informing me of the cost of transferring a dog to the new owner.”

I replied;

I wondered about that – a full sized business envelope, covering letter and full colour invoice. I got one too, just yesterday. I thought it was a freak mistake. Apparently not.
Idiots.
That’s not CKC bashing, mind you. Idiots.
And, it wasn’t actually directed at anyone idiots in particular.
It wasn’t idiots even intentional.
I have idiots the typing variation of tourette’s syndrome��.
It’s a struggle idiots to control the problem, whenever I’m subjected to the stress of dealing with idiots the CKC.
It’s completely involuntary.
Idiots.

Like I said, I wouldn’t want idiots anyone to feel threatened or bashed.
Idiots.