15 Replies to “Honey, I Finished The Internet”

  1. Wanna bet that the next thing that’ll happen is that “climate change” and Trump will be blamed?

  3. This opens the floodgates for snail jokes. I was hoping for a speedy recovery, but hopefully the end was quick.

  4. Here ya go noddy…not great but an honest attempt.

    A cop sees a snail going into a bar when it opens. Later at the end of his shift as he’s driving back to the precinct he observes the same snail slowly slithering out of the same bar. He immediately pulls over in front of the hapless snail and tells him that he wants the snail to give him a breath sample. When the snail asks him why, the cop replies that he figures the snail has been in the bar all day cause he saw him going into the establishment when it opened.
    The snail professes his innocence but to no avail.
    “Look here sir,” says the cop, ” I know you’ve been in there all day, so what else does one do in a bar? …”and besides the new rules for suspected drinkers in Canada allows me to detain you if I have reason to suspect a violation.”
    “Honestly officer,” replies the snail, I only went in there to use the phone and besides I had nothing to drink.”
    “Do you really expect me to believe that.” snarls the irate cop. “Nobody takes all day to use the phone.

    To which the snail patiently replied, “You do if you’re a snail.”

  6. They probably didn’t know how to breed snails because the University of Hawaii thought there were 72 snail genders, they told it was snail splaining and berated it for its toxic slugulinity.

    Seriously if it wasn’t for the combined forces of Government and Academia Scooping up wild snail species I’m sure they’d still be out in the wild.

  7. So Nancy I’m reading the snail poem and I’m thinking hey this is pretty good but then it turns all political and climate changy:
    “And in this labyrinth of greed and strife
    Polluted by gasses and animals alike”
    Pttt. I’m beginning to think that some poets are like snails; a bit slow and plodding.

    1. So nold, bravo, you picked up on that! That is very astute of you. I looked for something that might inspire the reader. Missed the boat!

      Having lived in a city of 4 million people and then 18 years in a small town of 500 with the surrounding area under 20,000, and, having read the book “Small is Beautiful” back in the 1970s, I completely missed what you’ve pointed out. But, you are right. You qualify your statement, pointing out the nasty part of the poem. Ha!

      It goes to show you, these poets like many other writers, get paid in grants to lecture us through their work. Thanks for pointing that out.
      Not a bad poem if you miss home and you’ve moved to the big city, though.

  8. I was just kidding around Nancy, but have you noticed how the Green Agenda informs everything we read or see now, even an otherwise good poem?
    “We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails” George Carlin

    1. Yes how true. You should see me separating out my garbage! It’s very poetic, with me singing it’s praises, ya right, …under my breath.
      And George Carlin was ahead of his time. I always liked him.

      1. gawd, I remember George on the ed sullivan show, 2 thoughts:
        this guy is friggin hilarious, I hope he stays in the business, and
        waaaaay before his time with the subject matter.
        me brudder the plumber moved to L.A. for a time and wound up doing work in George’s home. very down to earth unpretentious.
        I miss him too.

  9. George Carlin will be missed….
    I remember and absolutely Loved his bit on Religion..
    “…and all they want is Money, lots and lots of Money…”

    How prescient of him….one look to the Eco-Loons, ENGO’s & the Climate pandering Politicians world wide that enable them to see how absolutely true that statement was..

    Socialist thieving BASTARDS the lot..

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