69 Replies to “Progressive Parenting”

  1. In 2004 the Supreme Court of Canada upheld the spanking law by 6-3.
    Since humans are rational beings, the most important task of a parent is to teach his child how to use his rational faculty. In other words, reasoning with them is the optimal method of child-rearing.
    However, small children can be wilful and capricious, and unwilling to listen to reason at certain times. This is when spanking might have to be resorted to.
    Valencia @ 2:07 p.m.:
    (quoting John Rosemond)
    5. … children have the right to hear their parents say “Because I said so” on a regular and frequent basis.
    This is child abuse. It is NOT an example of reasoning with kids. I’ve come across Rosemond before, and although not everything he says is bad or wrong (i.e., kids should learn to pitch in with household chores), his arrogant tone is appalling. Avoid him like the plague.
    LC Bennett @ 3:12 p,.m.:
    “SMOGs: The rise of the mums who think girls rule and only want daughters”
    Great! Maybe their extra daughters can fill in for the tens of millions of missing female children in Asia.

  2. 5. … children have the right to hear their parents say “Because I said so” on a regular and frequent basis.
    nv53: This is child abuse. It is NOT an example of reasoning with kids. I’ve come across Rosemond before, and although not everything he says is bad or wrong (i.e., kids should learn to pitch in with household chores), his arrogant tone is appalling. Avoid him like the plague.
    You’re kidding, right?
    Do you have kids, nv53? I’m guessing no. Children do not have the “right” to question ad nauseum their parents’ directives. I teach these insufferable children and have been at the end of their verbal abuse because they consider that they’re entitled to an explanation that they like every time an adult gives them instructions.
    In addition to being a bloody waste of teaching time, it’s arrogant and rude.

  3. However, small children can be wilful and capricious, and unwilling to listen to reason at certain times. This is when spanking might have to be resorted to.
    Posted by: nv53 at August 5, 2011 2:46 AM
    O.K. I’ll bite,
    Why, if you haven’t noticed you are bigger then them. Why not just pick them up and put them in their room giving them the power to come out when they have control of themselves?
    If you are at a restuarant why not just pick them up and one of you sit in the car while the other has their dinner in peace? Take out the partners dinner and when you get home put the child to bed? You don’t have to do this often for them to get “it”.
    If shopping, drop what you are doing and leave with your nasty begger. Go back by yourself and let them know that they will NOT be joining you again until they can DEMONSTRATE proper behaviour. Again this does not have to done often, kids learn life is boring if they behave badly, they learn they LOSE things and time with parents if they behave badly.
    Why do you have to hit them?

  4. The Grey Lady: A spanking is much more efficient and doesn’t inconvenience the adult, on top of which, your child gets the message pronto.
    Let’s remember something: Bullies are cowards and don’t like pain. Inside every child having a tantrum or being defiant is a bully: They don’t like pain, they’ll remember what a spanking feels like — bad — which means that they’re unlikely to repeat the offending behaviour with this in mind.
    It worked for my kids — and, now in their twenties, they don’t solve their problems by resorting to violence.
    In fact, I deeply resent loving parents who spank their children being accused of “violence.” That’s the abusive language of progressive thugs whose own children, BTW, seem truly abused because they’re so willfully rude and disruptive that nobody wants to have them around.

  5. I think the new -ban kids- movement is just more evidence that the number of intolerant wankers in our society is on the rise. Please remember friends, these are the same @-holes who ban guns and call the city on you for fixing your own car in your own driveway.
    May they all die childless.
    Incidentally, spanking didn’t work on me either. I may be a special case, but all it ever did was make me want to hit back. Took a long time and a lot of study before I wasn’t “hit back” looking for a place to happen. Nowadays I’m older and “mellower”, hitting has moved from Plan A to Plan B.
    So you young parents, Don’t Hit The Kid. Doesn’t work. If the kid won’t shut up, stick them in the car and go the hell home. You’re a parent now, you don’t get to have a life until they’re maybe seven or eight. Suck it up and soldier.
    Its none of my business what people do of course, that’s just a bit of hard won wisdom to make life easier. Save the hitting for when they walk out in front of a car.
    Another bit of hard won wisdom, taking your kid(s) -everywhere- works extremely well. When you go out, take the kid. The kid learns how to behave in public by being in public from birth. When they see some other kid freaking out, they’ll comment on what a dork that kid is.
    If it sounds like too much work, don’t have a kid. Get a dog. Dogs don’t grow up into giant @sskicker teenagers with poor impulse control.

  6. Thanks batb (you’re one of my favorites at sda, btw)
    nv53 must not have teenagers.
    They want explanations for everything and to be reasoned with. Sometimes, a parent needs to assert his/her authority and sometimes that means “because I said so”…..kind of like the 10 commandements, LOL.
    And I like #7 at lot too. Children (and I think many leftists) need to know we are not little gods, the centre of the universe, the fount of all knowledge etc etc, otherwise they do become unsufferable. Kinda like Obama, LOL.

  7. Thanks, Valencia! The Irish in me likes to speak up every once in awhile! 😉
    I’d really appreciate it, Phantom and Grey Lady, if you wouldn’t equate spanking with “hitting your kid.”
    A spanking isn’t “hitting,” IMO. Hitting means striking your child anywhere on their body; the arm, the face, the leg, the back, the stomach, the head. That’s what I call beating your child. Spanking is a swat or two on the butt to make a point, because you’ve tried reasoning with them and they’re saying “no deal.”
    When my kids did that (and it was usually a look on their face and in their eye that said to me FU, Mom), they got a swat on the bum. Frankly, it hurt their feelings much more than their bottoms — and they got the message: STOP or GET MOVING. Spanking my kids probably hurt me more than them, in every way.
    I never liked spanking my kids, but I sure felt obligated to discipline them. Spanking worked in our family. My girls are polite, responsible citizens and they don’t resort to violence to solve their problems.

  8. batb @ 9:21 a.m. and Grey Lady @ 9:24 a.m.:
    Maybe they should put you both in the same room and let you fight it out.
    batb: I am not joking. I didn’t say kids could question ad nauseam, nor that they have to like the explanation. But since they’re rational beings, giving a good explanation is the first step. And start doing it as early in life as possible. Parents still have the right to make the final decision.
    As for Rosemond, your 9:46 post denounces bullies, but his list (which Valencia posted yesterday) has a bullying tone from start to finish, plain as day. I didn’t say it’s all wrong, but having to submit to parental authority is not a “right”, it’s an obligation, and should never be referred to as a “right”. It’s like saying slaves had the “right” to work for their masters prior to emancipation.
    Grey Lady: I’m glad it all works for you; it sounds well thought out, and maybe is preferable to spanking. I was just giving a general observation.

  10. Equating spanking to child abuse serves only to marginalize the plight of legitimately abused children.

  11. batb,
    If you can split hairs so thinly that putting your hand on a child as correctionnis not to be considered hitting then more power to you.
    If you think teaching kids to keep their inner bully at bay by being physical with them and showing them who is more powerful? Well bully for you there too.

  12. So the grey lady and others….take your kids and go!Are you serious??/You are letting a little thug guide you? With “parents” like you group,no wonder our culture and world is so fecked up! Grow a pair and stand up to the little buggers.

  13. Equating spanking to child abuse serves only to marginalize the plight of legitimately abused children.
    Posted by: Anon at August 6, 2011 9:18 AM
    So let me ask you this question: If you adopted children that were abused, abused such as hung by the hands naked in the garage (at 2years old)and “spanked” with a belt.
    Would you as the parent, ever see a situation where you would lay your hands on that or any other child in your home? Or would you find different ways to teach proper behaviour and expectations from your children?

  14. batb said: “I’d really appreciate it, Phantom and Grey Lady, if you wouldn’t equate spanking with “hitting your kid.”
    Not wanting to be a jerk about it batb, but my personal experience of corporal punishment was it didn’t much matter where I was getting smacked. I was by no means a beaten or abused kid, just standard 1950’s child rearing. Wooden spoon applied to be butt in judiciously measured doses. Didn’t turn out well.
    Your mileage may vary.
    And no, spanking is not child abuse. Didn’t say it was, never implied it.
    Justthinkin’, one does not win by “standing up” to a kid. When the two year old is having a public melt down, its time to go home. A spanking ain’t going to fix that.
    When the six year old and the four year old are going at it in the back seat despite being warned a bunch of times, you are not going to enjoy your evening out. Its already over. Cut your losses.
    “Don’t make me turn this car around!” works like magic when they know you really will turn the car around.

  15. “So let me ask you this question: If you adopted children that were abused, abused such as hung by the hands naked in the garage (at 2years old)and “spanked” with a belt.”
    And if you had wheels, would that make you a wagon? Playing ‘what if’ games and trying to argue the exception does nothing to further the discussion. Cherry picking scenarios to make your preferred outcome the only acceptable one doesn’t make your arguments any less than the strawmen they are.
    Let me try to put this simply: There are cases where spanking works. There are cases where it does not. This last statement implies there are other things that will work. And, much the same way that a dentist knows that Novocaine and drills won’t fix 100% of patients, a decent parent will know that smashing his child into a pulp for the merest of infractions in a vacuum devoid of other considerations is equally stupid.
    To paraphrase His Yeezyness: I’m happy for you, and imma let you finish, but sometimes a common sense approach is the best parenting technique of all time.

  16. For me kids should not just be seen but most of all be heard. I encourage my kids to say how they feel about something and ask them what they want, in fact in that way I am able to control them that way.

  17. Anonw,
    I was not cherry picking a scenerio, that is the history of one of the children my hubby and I adopted.
    When you have children like that, one is forced to come up with other ways to discipline. I am not a spanker, I use other methods, but I am not interested in out lawing spanking. As i said in my original post, I think it just lacks imagination and more often then not, self control on a parent’s behalf.

  18. Grey Lady: ” …that is the history of one of the children my hubby and I adopted.”
    That is what I assumed in a comment that was held by the moderator and never made it to the post.
    ‘What Anonw said.
    Hard cases make bad law.

  19. batb,
    I do not know how to make it any clearer, as I have repeatedly stated that I am NOT INTERESTED in LAW AGAINST SPANKING.
    But I will defend my position, especialy when told that “my” non-spanked kids are the reason that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
    There are other methods of discipline, it takes work and persistence, but they do work just as effectively.

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