Dear Abby:
I am a crack dealer in Okotoks Alberta who has a steady flow of customers from the nearby junior high schools. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Cold Lake prostitute who lives in Smokey Lake and is still a part-time “working girl” in a brothel there. My parents live in a suburb of Ponoka, and one of my sisters, who lives in Hobbema (I can’t remember the new name), is married to a Native transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in Camrose, and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Calgary. I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Drumheller for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his children in Bowden.
All things considered, my main problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who is a member of the Liberal Party???
Signed
Concerned
Dear “Concerned”I
You’re better off trolling for snags at the local Liberal fundraisers in Edmonton, as there isn’t any in Okotoks.
They always find out, as proof I direct you to today’s earlier posting headlined with, “It’s all fun and games until…”
Her answer would be “Don’t worry about it. It was my Liberal parents who started pimping me out when I was a kid. Just don’t invite him over.”
LOL……….
Or worst, lives in downtown Toronto and works for the cbc.
Oh definately LOL
Don’t tell her! Nothing could be more disgusting than being a Liberal!
I’m stealing this!
Well, Robert, I may lack your subtle humour, but I fail to see the point of posting this.
On the face of it, I would say that it is unfairly stereotyping Alberta.
Context?
Signed,
A guy who lived in Alberta for many years and knew good people in all the towns you cited.
Merry Christmas to all who choose at this time to perhaps post some edifying things.
Stevie, I received it from an uncle who is from Alberta. No offense intended. Btw the place names could have been changed to refer to my once beloved Vancouver!
The names and descriptions are often changed… I’ve seen this format used for tonnes of Aussie places and entities, going way back…
I hear ya, Robert.
Peace, and thanks for all your SDA efforts, brother.
Merry.
It was funny. Made us laugh. Nice change of pace. No one thinks It’s a realistic portrait of Albertans.
Smile Stevie, your not on any video and your sense of humor will not be seen.
I wonder what John Prine would make of that letter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5js4ITJPXY
You could write lyrics for eternity for that Dear Abby song. I had forgotten about it. Thanks BAD.
You’re welcome.
Good lord no! Tell her your cousin is a member of the Wildrose Party. That should allow a little leeway under the heading of mental illness.
Dear Concerned,
You haven’t told me anything. All that matters is that everyone is vaxed and boosted and wearing a mask. You sound like a nice person so I’ll assume all of the above. Just make sure to avoid and disdain the unvaxed.
Abby
I remember first reading a similar joke like this back in the late 70’s.
la la la
“My mother peddles opium / my father’s on the dole,
My sister used to walk the streets / but now she’s on parole,
My brother runs a restaurant / with bedrooms in the rear,
And they won’t even speak to me / ’cause I’m an engineer
We are, we are, we are, we are, we are the Engineers,
We can, we can, we can, we can, demolish 40 beer
Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum and follow us,
For we won’t give a damn for any old man / Who don’t give a damn for us.”
1 verse, plus the chorus, from the UBC Engineering student’s society “Godiva Hymn”. Banned on UBC campus for about 30 years now. I still remember about 20-25 verses. Good times!
I don’t think I remembered more than the first verse, but I recall that there were at least half a dozen in the versions I was aware of.
During the time I was at UBC more than 40 years ago, Engineering Week caused a great deal of controversy, though I don’t recall it being any raunchier than what we had while I was an undergrad at the University of Alberta.
Later, when I returned to the U of A to finish my first master’s degree, and Engineering Week started, my fellow grad students and I looked at each other and I’m sure we all had the same thought: “Boy, am I glad I don’t have to do that any more.”
I think that had been tamed down by the time I started my second master’s 30 years ago.
Absolutely PRICELESS..!!
I’d be…LMAO if it weren’t so damned close to Flippin reality..
Good one Robert. Those places bring back memories from a long time ago.
Merry Christmas.
Barely satire.
I bet there are many people like those.
OK, more than we would care to mention.
It’s depressing.
I live in okotoks, not offended, and laughed!!!