An American sports writer pokes a little fun at his fellow countrymen, praising Canada in the process:
As of Wednesday morning here, the U.S. was in fourth place with just seven medals, a mere two gold. Canada has nine and four, respectively. The United States is also trailing Norway – which leads all nations in medals – and the Netherlands – which is in third behind Canada – but who knows anyone from Norway? Who even knows where it is? And the Dutch are too nice to hate. Or so everyone says.
Canada is a different story. They’ve been waiting for this for years, the chance to get all politely smug up there – “team’s doing well, eh?” – quietly mocking us over mogul races and dreaming that their ridiculous bastardized version of football will somehow gain supremacy.
The province of Quebec has six medals alone, so maybe the solution is simple: 51st state. The Canadians will warn that Quebec is a handful. It’s a little nutty, too prideful and always threatening to secede. This is no problem for us; it’s just Texas with poutine rather than Frito Pie.
Whiner…more maple syrup for my Belgian waffles!
Only now, I’ll load up on blueberries, strawberries and whip cream to celebrate.
Send the man a snowcone from the “Great White North” to salve his poor national ego…
Cheers
Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”
Now I have to look up frito pie.
Just looked at the gold medal standings and Germany is in 1st place with 6, 3 gold in the luge.
So the Germans will make it down the hill in record time to get to the pub for a beer.
Now the American writer will have more to cry in his pretzels about…
Cheers
Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”
Hah, the American writer will get a case of the ‘vapours’ as the US goes down to defeat in women’s hockey with Agusto-Marciano and Wickenheiser scoring 3 unanswered goals in the third period.
Result: Canadian Women advance to the semi-finals.
Can’t wait for the next column, should the writer awaken in time…before the Olympics are over.
Gee, I knew we were “Putin” up with a lot of nonsense!
Cheers
Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”
Frito pie is chili,cheese,and Fritos mixed together and tossed down. Poutine for the discerning palate.
Calgary co-op carries Fritos. Avoid the ‘hoops’, though for the pie it would not matter. If you wash it all down with a can of Vernor’s, you will have reached hangover nirvana. Stroh’s can be substituted for the hard to find Vernor’s, but even though it is beer and really good, it is not the same.
Vernor’s and vanilla ice cream makes a float that should be tried by all.
Quebec like Texas ….. snicker ….
To wash down Frito pie y’all need some Shiner Bock, Dos Equis or at the very least some MGD.
Quebec like Texas is fightin’ words. Only good thing about Quebec is y’all can get your beer at the corner store, unlike them socialist b*stards in Ontscario.
I am the Texas Canuck and I approve this here comment reply.
I think the USA did answer one of those goals in the final period, Canada was up 3-1 at one point and won 3-2.
Both Canada and the USA will advance to the next round, the format calls for all 4 teams in the upper tier to advance against the top 4 of 8 teams in the lower tier. I’m unsure of the format after that, but don’t doubt that Canada / USA will play for gold / silver then.
Canada and the USA are really in a class of their own in women’s hockey, so much so that a few years ago, the IOC considered dropping women’s hockey as there really isn’t competition for them.
” so maybe the solution is simple: 51st state ”
No,no, a thousand times no.
Canada needs Quebec because the province fulfils us all by …
OK, straight up, Texas for Quebec. They get more land and the French/Indian/Metis/socialist hybrid, and we get a gateway to warm weather with a mixed population that values hard work and common sense.
OK,that ain’t fair. Perhaps we should toss in Toronto and the two Justins also.
Darn, that only makes it worse.
OK, we will give them Quebec, Toronto, the two Justins, and Nickelbavril.
Lets talk America.
Texas for Quebec? Done! Cheers;
Ah,the U.S. will feel better after their men’s hockey team smokes about six past Roberto (The Sieve) Luongo. As his team mate Ryan Kesler said,” we just have to keep shootin’ at Lou and eventually a few will get through”.
Tomorrow, Team Canada gets to beat up on the Ugandan team,oh ….wait… Norway,who are slightly better than Uganda in hockey.
In Olympic men’s hockey,nothing would make my heart “sing” more than a finish like so: Gold: Switzerland, Silver:Austria, Bronze: Slovakia, just for the pleasure of hearing the TV shills who KNOW everything there is to know about hockey, try to explain WHY!
And if Quebec can continue to produce medal winners like the Lapointe’s, they’re welcome to stay as part of Canada.
Everything south of the 47th for Alaska?
Texas has a real economy and doesn’t expect handouts.
Quebec is more like Detroit.
The post refers to Dan Wetzel as an “American sports writer”. He’s from Massachusetts, which is American in much the same sense that Quebec is Canadian.
Quebec is nothing like Texas……Texas carries its own weight unlike Quebec.
Eh, them thar Texans have much in common with the French, I can’t understand either when they talk, so give them both to Mexico!!!!
Quebec is like…..ah wait a minute. Who cares?
OK, we will give them Quebec, Toronto, the two Justins, and Nickelbavril.
but we get Alaska, much better deal !!!
Most Alaskans I know would happily join Canada.
How about a trade America, you can have Quebec and we’ll take North Dakota.
“…who knows anyone from Norway? Who even knows where it is?”
Half of Minnesota and North Dakota would argue with this. Dan Wetzel’s also never heard of the great American organization “The Sons of Norway”.
Quebec is really good at hockey, Texas no thanks.
I propose Toronto for Florida or Las vegas.
Better idea…
You take California, and you keep Quebec.
Here is a surefire way to start a fist fight – go to a bar in Texas, find a local who’s had a few, tell him that Ontario is bigger than Texas. WHAT?! NO!! Texas IS the biggest state. KaPOW. Guaranteed fisticuffs. Enjoy.
Quebec as 51st state?
If only……..
You end it well.
They didn’t halt the Olympics for the Syracuse basketball game?
We’ve aleady got Britsh Columbia, so thanks but no thanks
Barter?
I’ll trade you one small Texas town (with or without a stray dog) for the whole Province of Quebec.
Years ago we found ourselves a two-person U.S. minority at a dive resort in Cozumel. The place was inundated with Quebecois. You know exactly what I mean. It was like being dropped in the midst of a Paris strike except the people were better looking. The Mexican staff was on the verge of mental, physical and emotional collapse. This was during the last, I believe, major secession push in the early ’90s. That’s all they were talking about and it was quite heated. Although my husband and I have been known to carry big spoons at times, we didn’t engage except through ordinary polite interaction on an as required basis. My husband wasn’t political at the time and asked me what was up. I explained Quebec to him with the closing comment that they should get over themselves since the U.S. would probably annex them at some point anyway. I was being funny. I took longer to get ready so followed him down a few minutes later only to honest to dog hear him drop that very phrase to this gallery of French Canucks several of whom we discovered later were RCMPs. That outrageous statement was greeted with a roar of laughter and our general adoption by the group. While entirely grateful for it, I have never understood that reaction.
Why don’t we make the US the eleventh province? It could use our help right now.
Quebec should join Vermont, and both should cede from Union and Confederation.
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