33 Replies to “An Engineer’s Guide to Cats”

  2. How To Give A Cat A Pill
    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand whil e forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
    12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
    13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
    15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
    How To Give A Dog A Pill
    1. Wrap it in bacon.
    2. Toss it in the air.

  5. Kate,
    Is this an attempt to appease the gay community? Not that there is anything wrong with that.

  6. Trent
    Kate,
    Is this an attempt to appease the gay community? Not that there is anything wrong with that.
    This.

  9. Best video I’ve seen in a long time. I dated a software engineer and it was like An Evening With Glenn Gould for, like, two years. They really do eat the same thing every day, if they remember to eat at all.

  10. A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!

  11. tomax…I thought it was more of dig at software engineers.
    I love cats, and these 3 are adorable! However, too many allergic type people in my home, so we do without.
    Thanks for the fun Kate!

  12. My cat, Super Blue, loved the video. Especially the cat yodeling.

    My other cat, Diablo Elgotto, ignored it. What does he know, he’s a window licker!

  13. As a Professional Engineer myself, I just have to say . . .
    Dude! That was just embarrassing.
    Remember, Professiona Misconduct is usually defined as (depending on jurisdiction)
    conduct or an act relevant to the practice of professional engineering that, having regard to all the circumstances, would reasonably be regarded by the engineering profession as disgraceful, dishonourable or unprofessional

  14. I’m not an engineer but I have two cats and They own Me!!! Actually I also have a Yorkie and she owns the cats.

  16. No, I wasn’t serious at all!
    But I do confess to having a very odd sense of humour, in which my wife is always having to explain my jokes.
    Perhaps I should stop posting on the internets now.

  17. My dearly departed feral cat would of scratched my eyes out if I tried to pick it up and hug it. She lived for nine years and made my life miserable every single day, yet I miss her sort of.
    Cute video though.

  19. Point: Kathy Shaidle has a thing for Glen Gould types or is slow on the uptake.
    Point: Engineering types are more at ease with logic and science where as cats aren’t. Engineering types are still attracted to cats which only lends credence to the “opposites attract” theory. This explains Commander Data and Spot. (oh, engineering types are more likely to be Trekers than Operah fans)
    Point: I’ve had both cats & dogs and probably will again in spite of having to give a cat a pill.
    Point: Me No Dhimmi does not explain what happens the second day you have to give the cat a pill.
    Last Point: This video made my day although coworkers are wondering about my grin.

  20. Alternative steps for giving a cat a pill.
    1. get your friend to hold and comfort the cat.
    2. Place the pill in the chamber of the pill application device.
    3. get in a comfortable stance that will enable efficient use of the application device.
    4. Once comfortable, yell, “PULL”
    5. As the cat flies through the air, administer the “pill”
    Note: usually one successful pill administration is enough. If cat seems uncomfrtable after first application, continue appying “pills” until cat seems to be at rest.
    Note: Once cat is at rest, it should need no further pills ever.
    Note: if you are giving you neighbor’s cat a pill, it may be wise to limit the amount of witnesses.
    Note: calibre of the application device is the choice of the applicator usually based on personal preferece, availabitity and local laws

  21. Great video demonstrating the unexpectedly strong bond capable between anti-social types. With cats, as it is with most engineers, the primary connection is through the stomach.

  22. Didja see that cool calculator on the right at the beginning? That’s an HP-28C, I’ve got one but no cat.

  24. But I do confess to having a very odd sense of humour, in which my wife is always having to explain my jokes.
    Perhaps I should stop posting on the internets now.
    —DocBrown
    Stop posting?
    no,
    simply ask your wife to participate and explain the jokes to us…
    the more the merrier!

  25. 1. remove the cat’s normal food supply.
    2. crush the pill
    3. mix with tuna
    wait.
    maybe a day, maybe 2.
    don’t feel sorry for the cat, it’s already facing its life as a cat, and nothing could be worse.
    in a bit, all will be well again.
    and yes, I do like *some* cats.
    long hairs for example…

  26. I got to 3:26 before boredom overwhelmed me. Was there something that was actually interesting in the second half that I missed?

  27. Thanks for that video, Kate, when I laugh so hard I have to wipe tears off my beard and blow my nose multiple times, I know that’s a keeper. There are a couple dozen engineers I know who are going to have a treat in their mail in the morning.
    Winston Churchill said (more or less): I don’t like dogs because they look up to us, and I don’t like cats because they look down on us, but I like pigs, because they treat us as equals.

  28. Ha ha. Doc Brown. My engineer husband’s sense of humor is the same as yours.
    I’m sure you’ve heard this one:
    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
    Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
    Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude.
    Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.
    Priest: Hi George. Say, George, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow today, aren’t they?
    George: Oh yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge.
    SILENCE.
    Priest: That’s so sad, I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
    Doctor: Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything we can do for them.
    Engineer: Why can’t these guys play at night?

  29. Here’s another.
    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
    The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
    The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

  30. I dedicate this poem to Kathy Shaidle.
    Here’s Rudyard Kipling’s Sons of Martha.
    The Sons of Mary seldom bother, for they have inherited that good part;
    But the Sons of Martha favour their Mother of the careful soul and the troubled heart.
    And because she lost her temper once, and because she was rude to the Lord her Guest,
    Her Sons must wait upon Mary’s Sons, world without end, reprieve, or rest.
    It is their care in all the ages to take the buffet and cushion the shock.
    It is their care that the gear engages; it is their care that the switches lock.
    It is their care that the wheels run truly; it is their care to embark and entrain,
    Tally, transport, and deliver duly the Sons of Mary by land and main.
    They say to mountains “Be ye removèd.” They say to the lesser floods “Be dry.”
    Under their rods are the rocks reprovèd—they are not afraid of that which is high.
    Then do the hill-tops shake to the summit—then is the bed of the deep laid bare,
    That the Sons of Mary may overcome it, pleasantly sleeping and unaware.
    They finger Death at their gloves’ end where they piece and repiece the living wires.
    He rears against the gates they tend: they feed him hungry behind their fires.
    Early at dawn, ere men see clear, they stumble into his terrible stall,
    And hale him forth like a haltered steer, and goad and turn him till evenfall.
    To these from birth is Belief forbidden; from these till death is Relief afar.
    They are concerned with matters hidden—under the earthline their altars are—
    The secret fountains to follow up, waters withdrawn to restore to the mouth,
    And gather the floods as in a cup, and pour them again at a city’s drouth.
    They do not preach that their God will rouse them a little before the nuts work loose.
    They do not preach that His Pity allows them to drop their job when they damn-well choose.
    As in the thronged and the lighted ways, so in the dark and the desert they stand,
    Wary and watchful all their days that their brethren’s ways may be long in the land.
    Raise ye the stone or cleave the wood to make a path more fair or flat;
    Lo, it is black already with the blood some Son of Martha spilled for that!
    Not as a ladder from earth to Heaven, not as a witness to any creed,
    But simple service simply given to his own kind in their common need.
    And the Sons of Mary smile and are blessèd—they know the Angels are on their side.
    They know in them is the Grace confessèd, and for them are the Mercies multiplied.
    They sit at the feet—they hear the Word—they see how truly the Promise runs.
    They have cast their burden upon the Lord, and—the Lord He lays it on Martha’s Sons!

  32. Cats have the tendency to sleep in odd areas like we had a cat that slept in a big wooden salad bowl or in a plastic dishpan under the sink one of our cats even slept in a tree like one of those jaguars in south america do

  33. About the 5 minute mark I realized where bagpipes came from
    thanks Kate

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