Soccer Is Gay

Not Quite News 49 Comments

Honey, we already knew.

Soccer’s decision to come out of the closet ahead of the World Cup, and to live as its authentic self, was met with shrugs of “well, obviously” and “I always thought soccer might be gay since that time I caught soccer trying on my make-up and lipsyncing to Donna Summer.” The practice of “diving” in the sport — feigning being fouled to gain an unfair advantage usually accompanied by theatrical wailing and other histrionics — also never helped soccer’s heterosexual bona fides.

49 Replies to “Soccer Is Gay”

  3. That’s kind of cruel talk after the recent tragedy. Apparently, an entire soccer team died after their bus hit a speed bump.
    Don’t look at me, I stole it.

  4. This kind of take is symptomatic of how far the west has fallen as a culture.
    Now people think sports only happen on TV, heaven forbid that anyone might actually, you know, play a sport instead of watching one on TV.
    TV is gay. If you pay for cable, you are gay too.

  5. In the English Premier League each team commits 100 unforced errors per match. That’s how many turnovers there are because
    you are using your feet instead of your hands. They may be good athletes but the sport is stupid. Then again in the entire earth only Latin America an Europe have ever won a World Cup and we all know they both suck. So lousy game for lousy nations.

    1. Really, every EPL club commits 100 unforced errors every match?
      Where did you get that stat? Source?

      You don’t have the mental facilities to judge any sport, sport.

      Then again, only North America has ever won a Stanley Cup, small, unwatchable, ice diving, interlude between endless commercials.
      So, a “sport” that apparently is the rapiest in the world. Sorta fitting it’s yours.

    2. 98.9% of the time the player with the ball retains it. How is that a turnover? (I pulled the 98.9% out of my ass just like your 100 unforced errors)

  6. No doubt Qatar will house all these players in a nice high-rise hotel … to make it easier for the locals to toss them off the roof.

  8. If Western nations really believed this diversity and inclusion crap, they wouldn’t participate. But they are. Now I’ve got to go burn rubber on some rainbow crosswalks.

  9. Everything’s turning gay, sports, education, the military, TV commercials, sitcoms, parades, even the churches. It’s sickening.

  11. Played soccer til I was 9, then realized it was gay.

    Football is way less gay, even though it’s a bunch of dudes tackling each other.

    Don’t understand? Probably a soccer player

  16. Soccer is gay and it’s also corrupt.

    FIFA is arguably the most corrupt sport organization in the world.

    2. Can’t wait till you hear about all the rape scandals, and abuse of minors in Canadian hockey.

  17. The British are consumed with soccer
    As Archie Bunker once said.
    England is a fag country.
    I rest my case.

  18. The rolling around on the pitch to embellish a minor knock in the hopes of drawing a foul or a card against an opponent is something soccer fans associate with Latin and possibly some other low-latitude teams, it is seen as unmanly by north European fans and most players although nowadays it seems to be encouraged more and more (probably by managers seeking an advantage). It has nothing to do with being gay. The soccer governing bodies have recently gone all in on globalist agendas of all kinds, so you hear a lot of rhetoric about gays in sport from them, but that doesn’t mean a lot of soccer players are gay.

    Embellishing a foul is really more of an entitlement issue than a sexuality issue, that should be obvious. The player wants to disadvantage the other team, if he can get a yellow card to be issued against the other player then that other player won’t tackle him as vigorously in the future, fearing a second yellow card which turns into a red and expulsion from the game. Hope this helps you understand what’s actually going on, two separate agendas altogether, the cheating aspect and the governing bodies hoping to get favours from governments by jumping on the gay bandwagon.

  21. You know what else is gay? Spending your whole day reading Craigslist, er, um, Reddit, for bias confirmation on hating Russians.

    Instead, you could find out the truth by watching a comedian that’s not totally brainwashed.

    https://youtu.be/YHSN-s68HAo

  22. So many experts on thigs gay, must be some “gobohomo” convention, got to remember to buy stock in Astroglide, with that much demand, it will only go up.

  23. I’d love to hear the wailing n moaning if some star soccer player took a hit like McDavid did last night in their game against LA….

    The whining and screams of anger would be heard planet wide…criminal charges laid and banishment from ever playing again for such a heinous crime..!!

    Nothing but a bunch of overpaid pussified wankers..IMO.

  25. I like the odds on Canada advancing out of the first round of the upcoming World cup.

    +275

    Worth a flutter of $100.

      1. A goal? Asking a lot when most games end in a 0 0 tie. Kind of how a French civil war would end – with both sides surrendering.

  27. If I want to watch a bunch of guys run around for 90 minutes and not score, I’ll take my friends to a nightclub.

    IDK if soccer has a sexual preference, but the fans definitely have to be drunk to watch it. This match, whatever it is called, will go down as a bigger disaster than the Taylor Swift/Ticketmaster debacle.

  28. I know how to fix soccer. If players A and B have an incident causing player A to go down, writhing in pain, B gets a yellow card. Player A must then be removed from the field on a stretcher and may not return for the remainder of the game.

    That’d separate the men from the pansies. It would also make such incidents rare.

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