Are You on My Shit-list?

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Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Lots more @ Cjunk

29 Replies to “Are You on My Shit-list?”

  4. Marajuana Party:Shit,I’m hungry!(sorry,couldn’t resist)
    I find it interesting every saying sounds like something George Carlin would say…Thanks Cjunk for the entertaining diversion!

  5. Honest, I hadn’t read Cjunks’ whole list when I posted “Canadian Liberals: What shit?”.
    Way down the list it says, Atheism: What shit?
    So does this mean that Canadian Liberals = Atheism = Belief in Nothing?
    If the foo shits, wear it, I always say.

  6. How about — “All have sinned and fallen short…” therefore, we’re all in deep s–t?
    The post is real time comic relief. Side-splitting, can’t breathe comedy. Should be passed around to heavy duty hate groups, no?

  9. Chretienism: My shit don’t stink.
    P.Martinism: Should I shit or go blind?
    Harperism: Time to clean up this shit.

  12. Foghorn Leghorn: “I say, I say boy, that ain’t shit, it’s a watermelon!”
    : )
    Cheers!
    Leto

  13. If **it really happens, it is recommended to flush twice.
    Should **it hit the fan, deploy umbrella and duck.
    Under no circumstance engage a scat cat, unless in a jazz bar.
    Old joke from Germany:
    There is an insane asylum surrounded by a fence.
    One of the inmates is leaning against the fence staring out and engages the farmer working in his field:
    Inmate: Hey farmer what are you doing there?
    Farmer: I am putting dung on my field.
    Inmate 30 minutes later: Hey farmer what are you doing there?
    Farmer: I am putting dung on my field.
    Inmate 30 minutes later: Hey farmer what are you doing there?
    Farmer now replying with some irritation: Dammit all man, I’ve told you twice what I am doing here.
    I can express this another way: I AM PUTTING SHIT ON MY STRAWBERRIES!!
    Inmate replies: Gee, you know that is funny, I put whip cream on my strawberries; but I’ve been ruled insane.

  14. Judaism – Why does shit keep happening to us?
    Satanism – Sneppah tihs
    Randianism – This is MY shit

  17. Liberals-if shit happens in Canada, somehow it’s America’s fault or Bush’s fault.
    NDP-the fact that the Castro dictatorship treats the Cuban people like shit is America’s fault.
    Public Employee Unions-“More shit, less work, no accountability!”

  19. By the time the I.D.F. and Mossad, get through with Isreal’s enemies, the are in a world of s..t. Then, to damn their souls to hell, they should be forced to eat pig s..t. Then when they reach heaven it will not be 72 virgins, but 72 Virginians they well deal with. They will then be introduced to Specialized High Intensity Training. The likes of George Washington, Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson and Generals Lee and Jackson, thrown in for good measure, will see to it these s..theads have more Specialized High Intensity Training than they can handle. The 72 Virginians will have all of eternity to revamp this program at the expense of the s..theads. Then they can be tossed in the lower ring of Dante’s inferno to be with the Arch S..thead himself. Either way you slice it, they are in deep kimchi for all eternity!
    Theo
    P.S. So our Canadian and British friends are not left out of the program, we can have Gen. Wolfe be the Master at Arms and he may buttstroke these s..t for brains terrorists with a Brown Bess Musket. I hope the musket is not broken because that is a hard head you are attempting to smash!

  21. If you havent been to where the goats shit in the market place, you have not yet seen shit.

  24. Some of the things we don’r hear of in MSM.
    Watch People and the Land
    Award-winning filmmaker Tom Hayes crosses borders and check-points to uncover the conflicting opinions and policies of the people who seem unwilling to share this land-and yet are unable to let go. Created at great personal risk by Tom Hayes and his crew. Zionists have lobbied to prevent PBS from showing the film.
    If you haven’t seen it they’re doing their job.
    Read about the amazing story that took place during the filming of this PBS documentary and learn first-hand about censorship in modern day America. A gripping account as told by the films’ producer Tom Hayes.

  25. For some time many of us have
    wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
    find ourselves at a loss when someone
    says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt!”
    Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
    you can now respond in an intellectual way.
    Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
    Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married
    O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
    They had one son, Jack.
    In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
    The deeply religious couple produced
    six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,
    Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
    Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
    parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married
    Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
    After being married 15 years, Jack and
    Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
    married Ted Sherlock, and, because her
    kids were living with them, she wanted to
    keep her previous name. She was then known
    as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
    Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
    and they produced a son with a rather
    nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
    Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
    and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
    childhood and subsequently married the
    Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
    The wedding announcement in the newspaper
    announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
    The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
    Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal
    son, left home to tour the world. He recently
    returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
    Schitt.
    Now, when someone says, *You don’t know Jack Schitt*, you can correct them.
    Thank you CS, These university level geneology and history lectures are very worthwhile. TG

  26. CPC = NO Shit,
    as opposed to the list’s Nihilism which is No Shit.
    The CPC mean business.

  28. SHITLIST L7
    When i get mad
    And i get pissed
    I grab my pen
    And i write out a list
    Of all the people
    That won’t be missed
    You’ve made my shitlist
    For all the ones
    Who bum me out
    Shitlist
    For all the ones
    Who fill my head with doubt
    Shitlist
    For all the squares who get me pissed
    Shitlist
    You’ve made my shitlist
    Shitlist
    Shitlist
    When i get mad
    And i get pissed
    Shitlist
    I grab my pen
    And write out a list
    Shitlist
    Of all you assholes
    Who won’t be missed
    Shitlist
    You’ve made my shitlist
    Shitlist
    Shitlist

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