Trapped in the Closet�

More Money Than Brains 47 Comments

How foolish! Tom Cruise should know, given his years in Hollywood, that banning something just makes it that much more popular. And I’m proof.
I don’t think I’ve EVER made it through an entire episode of South Park until today. I particularly enjoyed Nicole’s cameo appearance.
h/t Daimnation
crossposted

47 Replies to “Trapped in the Closet�”

  1. Wow,Isaac Hayes did such a great job voicing Chef,too bad he’s given up on it.He took part in lampooning countless others on that show,find it hard to believe that after approving of the concept he would then turn around and quit over it.If so,he surely is a hypocrite.
    Also,I’m surprised to see Comedy Central cave-in so completely.In this world of 100’s of cable selections(and with this show’s contraversial nature)you would think they would jump all over the publicity this could generate.But not only that,they put the gag order on the show’s creators.
    Does Cruise have compromising pictures of C.C. management with some goats?Sounds like some heavy scare tactics were used here.

  2. I guess removal of advertising revenues for a show with a big budget, like Mission Impossible, is at a nuclear level? I was disappointed in them, too. Although I can see why Tom didn’t like it! That was pretty funny “I’m not IN the closet” “yes you are, come out” – this could become the equivalent of “Dave’s not here” – Cheech & Chong.
    I just seriously dated myself, didn’t I?

  3. Would you feel better if I said I understood the reference you made?BTW…No,THIS is Dave,man!

  4. Candace…yeah but I know where your comminfrom!
    BTW scientologists are a SCAM cult not a religion.
    Invention of demented Sci Fi writer L.Ron Hubbard with the idea taken from a book he wrote and decided to put into action. The premise being that if you really want to get rich start your own religion.
    Through in some psycho-technobabble.
    I have personally witnessed the minions of this cult take advantage of vulnerable people who I knew and bleed them for every penny they had.
    They have a paranoic outlook on public scrutiny of their operations ( for good reason ) and a in house security force that ( although is laughably over serious about itself ) is very keen to keep the secrets in and the nosey outsider out.
    Having a high profile celebrity as a known practicioner is one really valuable propaganda tool for them. So just watch how close they keep the handlers with Cruise and the like. I guess the over the top ego stroking positive reinforcement and emotional stringpulling really works on the celebrity egos!
    And if bloggers start getting on their case just watch the attacks from the creepy legal and PR flacks these dingbats employ.

  6. Scientology doesn’t sue to win, Candace, they sue to deter, overwhelm, and intimidate.
    If you watch the reference in the video to Elron Hubbard being on a boat with only young boys and being busted by the feds you’ll learn a little bit about him.
    You’ll learn more by understanding what his son feels about him including his profound Satan worship, physical abusiveness, and even the abortions which he personally performed and his son observed – and survived.

  7. So is this the good kind of making fun of religion, like the Danish cartoons? Or is this the bad kind, like capitalist piglet?

  9. Freedom of religion means that people are free to practice their religion, which I support.
    It does not mean that religions are free from criticism.
    Heck, they almost all criticize each other implicitly if not explicitly while competing for souls and converts. And they have every right to.
    There are solid grounds to criticize scientology… not just as untrue or a fraud, but as destructive, cynical, manipulative and founded by a child-loving (not in the best sense of the word) psychopath.

  10. Tom Cruise-the-plumber, that was a very interesting link, thank you. I’ve never been a huge sci-fi fan but have enjoyed some of Hubbard’s work. In the unlikely event I find some on my bookshelf, I’ll burn them.
    That is one sick f*ck. Even if you take 25-50% of what his son says to be true, that is a sick man. And the reaction to South Park (of all things, jeez, what DON’T they trash?) is anything to go by, I wouldn’t be surprised to see scientologists justifying the rioting in reaction to the cartoons.
    Seriously, what’s the difference? (other than the fact that the only ‘church’ that recognizes Hubbard as anything is the Church of Scientology? At least Mohammed is recognized by Christians (and I think by the Jewish religion, can’t say for sure) and Islam recognizes Jesus as a prophet if not the son of God).
    I have to assume that Hubbard is officially dead & what ever happened to the estate? Man, the lawyers probably had a field day.
    There’s a clip entitled “…Madman” which is, I think, the BBC interview referred to in the Penthouse interview with Hubbard Jr. Wow, he makes exPMPM’s rantings in the election seem somewhat sane. Very obsessed with the figure “$13 million” wasn’t he?

  11. Sorry Candace Christians only recognize Mohammed as the founder of another heretical religion in the same vein as Mormonism, JWs, Scientologists, Buddist etc etc etc. In fact the Muslim faith is the result of one man listening to an “angel” like Mormonism a practice Christians are warned about in the Bible and the fact that both the Muslim, Mormon and JW religions began by trying to supplant,add on or take away from the canon of Scripture after the Canon of Scripture as accepted by Christians was closed shows why none of them are recognized by Christians as having any authority whatsoever.

  12. Candace:
    MI3 is a Paramount movie. Paramount is a Viacom company, as is Comedy Central. Sounds to me like he threatened to stay away from promoting his own movie–threatening one arm of Viacom to get the other arm to cave in.
    It’s not about the advertising dollars.

  13. Thanks for the clarification. Out of curiousity (I haven’t a clue) what difference would it make if he promotes it or not? He promoted War of the Worlds (I seem to recall it not doing as well as expected) so what difference would it make to the bottom line?
    Has he lost credibility everywhere EXCEPT Hollywood? If so, what’s the loss? If not, then I get it.
    Joe: I think I got your comment, but punctuation would help. I was raised in 2 different churches so have a pretty confused view of what’s ‘good’ and what isn’t.

  15. “And so…..he finally did something smart-he paid a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover- and THE FIRST CHURCH OF APPLIANTOLOGY!”
    -Frank Zappa
    (Let us prey!?!)

  17. It’s interesting reading both Kate’s original commentary and the comments above. Since I rarely watch “commercial” TV, I’ve managed to miss things like “South Park” and “The Simpsons” and other drek of that nature. As for Tom Cruise, another guy who believes his own press clippings. There’s lots of them around. They’re harmless for the most part, unless they can get some poor idiot to pay attention to them.
    Ignore them, and they’ll wither on the cold TV.

  18. I’d really like for scientologists to come out and openly discuss their beliefs, but for many of them that wouldn’t be good for box office sales. If it happened though I think people would quickly realize that this is not valid religion, its about as whacked out as a cult can get.

  19. Christians do recognize Mohammad and have for centuries….. as a type of Antichrist.

  20. Television is a medium that allows people to spend time in your home that you wouldn’t allow in the front door if they showed up in person. Well, I can think of a few that would be welcome. I can think of many would would not be. Tom Cruise would be in the latter. I probably could finish one cup of coffee with him. A person should be able to do that with almost anyone, right?
    Tom is one strange and very weird puppy. He is fortunate that his career boomed when he is younger as he is just plan weird now, and maybe that is why I find his acting second class now as well. My mind may be a little prejusticed. As for this Scientology sect, it is more of a cult than a religion. If you want a good home study, do some reading on this so called religion and it will wake you up and you will smell the coffee. This is definitely a group who are using so called religion to front more than just worldly gain.
    I, for one am not so narrow minded that I have no place for religion. It is one of the social fabrics that has built our country… and our world. Many times these various religions conflict. It is unfortunate that there are always a bunch of groups ( aka. scientologists) who hide under the religion umbrella so as to conduct their brain washing and scams.

  21. Ryan,
    There’s a simple way to differentiate a religion and a cult. A religion openly advertises what it believes in. For example the loonies peddling copies of Watchtower are upfront about the whole Jehovah thing. Whereas Scientologists start their sales pitch with Dianetics informercials or kiosks in the street offering free “stress” tests.
    The real pitch only comes much, much later. It starts as a program of deciet then moves on to control.
    That’s what makes such a group a “cult”. It isn’t the quality of the beliefs themselves because on the face of it Scientology isn’t any more illogical than say the Old Testament. The old testament is fully of wacky stuff but with the exception of Intelligent Design the people who believe in it don’t try to camoflague it as something else in order to gain converts.

  22. The real pitch only comes much, much later. It starts as a program of deciet then moves on to control.
    Fits leftist ideology to a tee. Promise utopia, deliver death. 100 million murdered by leftists in the 20th century.

  24. Jose… you must have got a good nights sleep. You actually made some sense and you completed an entire post without blaming something on the US. Actually, your post made very good sense, so much in fact that I had to read it twice to make sure I hadn’t read it wrong.
    Congrats! It was nice to see the other side ( as opposed to the left side) of you.

  26. Jose
    Yes we know your feelings about religion, especially Christianity (I know its the cause of all the worlds problems, or maybe the left just has a “take out the head and the body will fall” strategy toward religion), but to say that the Watchtower is upfront about their ideology and dealings is laughable. They are a cult, not a denomination of Christianity. Period. Next time a Witness knocks on your door, see how up front they want to be about the traditions, history, and concepts of thier “faith”.
    Many, scientists, (and yes they are scientists, they have the same degrees) who believe ID better explains the creation of the universe and life itself, do hold religious beliefs, but ID does not try to show that the Genesis account of creation is literal in all details, simply that the mega theme (a higher intelligence created the universe/life) seems to be true, based on scientific findings.

  27. I have a theory, which states you know someone in Hollywood is making way too much money, when they suddenly profess devotion to the Church of Scientology.
    Regardless, arguing over religion is self-defeating and no one wins in the end. I’m a piss-poor Catholic myself (As far as I know, I’m still the only guy in Alberta whoever failed Grade 12 religion 4 times, back to back, due to an apparent lack of willingness to accept things on faith. A quirk I guess).
    There’s something to it that others find which I have yet to completely understand. Having read the Bilble at least a dozen times, I’m still told repeatedly that I haven’t actually READ the bilble. Okay.
    Anyway, technically Christianity would be considered a false religion to a Jew wouldn’t, given that to the Hebrew’s Jesus was simply another prophet.
    All way to confusing for me. Although it seems to me that Scientology rely’s on ones purchasing of the knowledge of God to climb successive levels of enlightenment.
    Somehow I just can’t see God as needing the money.

  28. “Somehow I just can’t see God as needing the money.”
    Excellent point. I wonder what good works the Church of Scientology can point to, i.e. supporting Habitat for Humanity, feeding the starving in Africa, etc?
    Tomax, I’d forgotten about Sister Mary Elephant. Let me know if you find her.
    Chris, thanks for the link

  29. Intelligent design… that’s an oxymoron if ever there was one. At least in relation to Humans.

  30. Ryan “I know its the cause of all the worlds problems, or maybe the left just has a “take out the head and the body will fall” strategy toward religion)”
    I don’t have a problem with christianity as a religion. I’ve got a problem with certain sets of christian dogma and that’s a different kettle of fish entirely.
    ID is a savvier replay of the creation science farce of the late 80s. You have scientists there claiming they had proof that the world was 6,000 years old. They even produced fake dinosaur footprints. They’re still at it to, coming up with all sorts of evidence that they won’t let anyone else examine.
    I don’t have a problem with creationism or ID other than to say they don’t belong in science class in public schools.

  32. Chris, it’s no less wacked out then the Church of Latter Day Saints… but look how many followers they have.

  35. Chris, did you not notice the little caption during the “Evil Lord Xenu” montage? It read “this is what scientologists actually believe” and there wasn’t a word of lie in it.
    The same facts about Scientology that have been fought tooth and nail in court to be surpressed.

  37. Well Chris… what does one say about a religion like the Mormons, when their bible says God came down and turned all the evil white people into Indians, so all the good white people would know who the evil doers were.
    Or something to that effect, it’s been a while since I read the Book of Mormon.
    I seem to recall telling my Mormon friend, who begged me to read the damn thing before I judged his religion to harshly, that as a work of fiction, the book of Mormon paled somewhat in comparison to others I’d read.
    Funny how all these funky religions are based on events that leave zero evidence behind of them ever happening. At least with the principle religions, you can actually point to specific events… whether they’ve been interpreted properly or not, I am certainly not qualified to say.
    Course, what do I know. As I understand it from the family priest, I’m on a one way ticket to hell anyways. I suppose the good news is I won’t have to worry about Winter anymore.
    Guess I’ll do like the main character in Dante’s “Divine Comedy”… “Jesus Save Me”!!
    I like to think that we’ll all be wrong and find out God is a Mulatto lesbian Shemale, who likes to wear goldfish bowl pumps under it’s bellbottom jeans.
    Wouldn’t that just fuck Pat Buchanans day. “No love for you”.

  38. Hey Dave-thanks for the FZ reference! Great way to cap off a Friday with a Zappa-ism!
    Cheers,
    Nanook

  39. “…find out God is a Mulatto lesbian Shemale, who likes to wear goldfish bowl pumps under it’s bellbottom jeans”
    Gee thanks! Damn it!
    Now I’m going to have that image in my head for the rest of the day.

  40. Least I could do.:) Cheers all, I’m off to drink Green Beer. I’d rather Scotch, and Robbie Burns day… well, any excuse will right?

  41. Other South Park episodes right-wing bloggers may enjoy if they’ve never been properly introduced to the series — warning, these are only 5th-9th season…many of the first 4 seasons have good material, but I don’t have access to the DVDs and don’t remember most of them:
    502 – It Hits the Fan – A popular TV show breaks decades of censorship and the stifling of free speech when it finally dares to speak one of the words you can’t say on TV on TV.
    507 – Proper Condom Use – When is it too early to teach sex ed? When 6th grade becomes far too late for the apparent sexual activities of 4th graders, sex education is brought into the schools. Soon even kindergarten is a proper forum to discuss the Dirty Sanchez. Its too bad that the only people the children can learn from is somebody with a bad opinion of sex, somebody who knows nothing without it, and a complete pervert.
    512 – Here Comes the Neighbourhood – Oprah, Will Smith, Kobe Bryant, Snoop Dogg, Puffy Daddy, and Michael Jordan all move into South Park. The locals are upset: their white bread town can’t possibly handle the arrival of “those” sort of people. And so begins the campaign to rid South Park of the rich.
    513 – Kenny Dies – Its one of the hardest things for a child to ever deal with: the death of a friend. Even adults aren’t sure. Do you go to see him one last time? Do you stay away, knowing that you’ll always be haunted by that last sickly image of someone you love? Do you start harvesting fetuses and coercing women to get abortions to force Congress to take the medical action to save him? It’s a dilemna best agonized over a delicious Shakey’s Pizza.
    514 – Butters’ Very Own Episode – When your sweet cherub son discovers that his father is freqenting gay bathhouses and movie theatres, what is a concerned parent to do? Luckily there’s O.J. Simpson, the Ramseys, and Gary Condit to help you deal with the messy aftermath of your final solution.
    609 – Free Hat – George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are destroying their own classic movies. Nobody can stop them, until the boys start a campaign that looks to have the momentum they need. Of coure, Hat McCormick is a bigger worry: he was framed by police for murdering 23 toddlers (in self-defense).
    615 – The Death Camp of Tolerance – The boys old teacher returns to school to teach them, but his sadomasochistic homosexual teaching assistant is maybe just a little bit over the top. Wait! I dont’ mean it! I don’t mind anal insertions as a teaching tool, really! Whatever you do, don’t misinterpret what I said as intolerance! I’ll never servive the gulag which is….TOLERANCE CAMP.
    806 – Goobacks – “Time Immigrants” are flooding South Park. Are they stealing jobs from modern-day Americans? Should they have to learn the English language, or should the schools and fast food restaurants adapt to meet their demands? And is it really the only way to keep American jobs for all the men in town to get naked in a giant pile?
    807 – The Jeffersons – He’s just coming to escape the L.A. scene in rural Colorado. So why are the parents freaked out by Mr. Jefferson’s weird repore with children? Is it really so wrong for a man whose childhood was stolen by fame to seek it later in life? And how far will the police go to frame African-Americans for crimes they didn’t commit?
    808 – Douche and Turd – School elections are a great time to teach kids about democracy. But what happens when a little boy is apathetic about the system? PETA, Rock the Vote, and Puff Daddy all aim to make sure that voting is understood as completely and utterly important: even if the only two choices you are given are a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich.
    809 – Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes – A huge superstore has moved into town. Its low low bargains and easy employment quickly make it a huge hit amoungst the locals. But can South Park’s other businesses survive their new competitor? What will happen to the townspeople? And how do you defeat a worldwide monolithic company who’s buildings have come alive?
    901 – Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina – When the townspeople have finally stopped harassing you about being gay as a fruitcake with a leather-clad slave as a teaching assistant? You take the next logical step and let them be freaked out by being trans-gendered. But its a slippery slope: should short Jewish boys be genetically altered into tall black men? Can a man really become half-dolphin? Do sports arenas have to give them their own bathroom? And what shall we do with the doctor who refuses to give the transvestite an abortion?
    902 – Die Hippie, Die – The next generation of flower children are infesting South Park. Only one brave young boy knows how to stop them… and “The Man” has already put him in jail! Music can and will save the world, any day now, as soon as we finish this toke we’ll change the world, pump up the good tunes man, what’s with that freaky tunnelling vehicle with heavy metal stickers?
    908 – Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow – One of the best South Parks of all time. The nearby town of Beaverton has been struck by catastrophe: flooding is crippling the town. The nation is immediately gripped by their story, and moves into immediate action: trying to figure out whether its FEMA, George Bush, or the townspeople themselves to blame for this catastrophe. But is there even time to assign blame? Global warming is coming! Yes, its real, and we just didn’t listen. Due to strike the Day After Tomorrow — or maybe a couple days before that — no one in town can survive the harsh arctic winds that global warming will bring. But, er, will anybody ever get around to rescuing people from the flood? And how many bags of gold do Jews carry around their necks?
    914 – Bloody Mary – We can all agree that alcoholism is a vicious disease, except for one poor South Park resident who refuses to believe he’s an alcoholic just because he drove drunk once. However the disease of alcoholism is brutal and dangerous: once you’re trapped in it you can never escape it. Never. Don’t even try. The new pope might hold promise for your future, but thats only if you visit the blessed Virgin Mary statue before the disease of alcoholism seizes you forever.

  42. Er, I didn’t finish the first one, did I?
    502 – It Hits the Fan – A popular TV show breaks decades of censorship and the stifling of free speech when it finally dares to speak one of the words you can’t say on TV on TV. The huge ratings can mean only one thing: its time to say the word twice. Those huge ratings can only mean one more thing: its time to say nothing but that word all the time. So why are these so many British knights coming alive and trying to stop it? Any coincidence that the Black Death comes to those who say the forbidden words on TV? Most importantly, though, it is proven once and for all that God has decreed Meekrob tastes like shit.

  43. Feynman and Coulter’s Love Child:
    Don’t forget the All About Mormon’s episode (not sure of the episode name. )
    Not a perfect analysis of the Mormon faith’s history, but actually does a pretty good job. With a catchy soundtrack to boot! Dum, Dum, Dum…

  44. hey Jose
    I’m not fanatical about this but…
    At various times Darwinists have faked skeletons, withheld findings, been unable to reproduce experiments, and omitted contradictory evidence.
    Do you think evolution should be taught in public schools?

  46. If I may chime in here.

    Evolution is still an unproven theory.

    There is NO proof of “evolution” occuring between two species., i.e. monkeys to men.

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