18 Replies to “New You Can Lose”

  1. Obviously, being imbecile is their strong suit.
    These people are too stupid to celebrate Christmas.
    Psalm 98
    4 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!
    5 Sing praises to the LORD with the lyre, with the lyre and the sound of melody!
    6 With trumpets and the sound of the horn make a joyful noise before the King, the LORD!
    Cheers
    Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
    1st Saint Nicolaas Army
    Army Group ‘True North’

  2. Its satire “Commander in Chief” or whoever the hell you are! Its the National Review!
    Lets see who else gets stung!

  7. When it’s the Politically Correct Police one instinctively goes in the opposite direction; if for nothing else than self preservation.
    And who in their right mind is going to accept INSANE shopping tips?
    Cheers
    Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
    1st Saint Nicolaas Army
    Army Group ‘True North’

  9. I don’t know what’s going on, but none of the store clerks here are saying anything, except “thank you have a nice day”.
    Last year almost all of them were saying,”Merry Christmas” to which I replied the same,but this year, not even a “happy holidays”.
    Maybe they’re all waiting for the Climate Change meeting in Peru to be over so we can figure out if we’re going to survive to the Dec.25th Holiday before they go wishing anyone anything.

  10. Tim; I guess they did follow the Kim Butt flashing meme. They would certainly recognized the Barbie dimensions as appropriate for a Kim Doll.

  11. Well said Hans.
    We go out of the way to purchase non PC Christmas gifts for our grandchildren and Don, we wish all the clerks a Merry Christmas.

  13. The best part of that story/article was the comment section beneath it…absolutely hilarious…
    check it out you guys…
    Laughed My (_i_) off..!!
    Merry Christmas to you all..!!

  14. The Christmas Shopping Season has arrived..Here is a gift idea…
    Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
    Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 20th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
    The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety……??
    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
    AWESOME!!!
    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
    Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
    All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in diameter (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’
    I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ………
    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ….!!!
    I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
    Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!
    A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
    Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!
    P.s… My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
    If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

  16. From the link,
    ” …1. Toys like army men promote aggression in boys and can lead them to abuse women later in life. … ”
    Actually if you deprive a boy from normal toys for boys, he may become so frustrated that this may promote aggression in hi

  17. I am not too proud or sexist to receive a beer gift.
    btw, Snagglepus, you owe me a new keyboard and a pair of shorts…

  18. I am not too proud or sexist to receive a beer gift.
    btw, Snagglepus, you owe me a new keyboard and a pair of shorts…

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