49 Replies to “Reader Tips”

  1. Whatever Trump has said on immigration is not more dismaying than the fact that the U.S. has for decades paid no respect to its own borders. A nation that does not respect its own territorial integrity, and protect the idea and status of citizenship as its first value, cannot expect others to respect it.
    Don’t look too close to home, Rex.

  2. Well, if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, well, it just might be a DUCK!
    (Sorry! Couldn’t resist.)

  3. And the Little white duck and the little green frog and the little black bug took our concealed handguns and blew away the little red snake becuase they lived in the pond of Indiana Jones and were trained by Rambo

  4. I recently discovered duck fat. It’s really good for roasting things, and for sauces.

  5. Duck 1: I identify as a pig.
    Duck 2: Why?
    Duck 1: I want to fly.
    Duck 2: Pigs can’t fly!
    Duck 1: Oh, yes, they can. Haven’t you heard the saying, “When pigs fly …”?
    Duck 2: But you can fly without identifying as a pig! You’re a duck.
    Duck 1: No, I’m a pig. You cut that out now, or you’ll go home in an ambulance.

  6. Redneck Joke
    An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands. The old timer asks the kid, “Hey son. Whatcha got there?” The kid replies, “I got me some chicken wire. I’m gonna catch me some chickens.” The old timer responds, “Oh son, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.” A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire. “Well, I’ll be…'” says the old timer scratching his head. The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands. The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?” The kid responds, “I got me some duct tape. I’m gonna catch me some ducks.” The old timer laughs, “Son, you can’t catch no ducks using duct tape.” A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape.” The old man cannot believe his eyes. The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in his hands. The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?” The kid shouts back to the old timer, “I got me some pussy willow.”
    The old timer shouts out, “Hold on son…while I get my hat!”

  7. Any difficulties native born English speaking Canadians may have with unfettered immigration from the muslim world can be solved by bombing the Middle East.

  8. A little humour I found surfing the net, just for Kate…
    Dead Duck
    A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian’s office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away.”
    The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.
    “How can you be so sure,” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
    As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
    The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat.
    The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
    Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
    The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, “$150.00!” “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
    The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it’s now $150.00.”
    Cheers
    Hans Rupprecht, Commander in Chief
    1st Saint Nicolaas Army
    Army Group ‘True North’

  9. Rex is like the Canadian Yoda!
    “His campaign is, by all wise people, deplored. ”
    Only a Newf can write like that.

  10. Another redneck joke:
    The Philadelphia zoo had sent it’s male Gorilla, Spike, out on a fund raising tour and the female, Dolores, was getting agitated. Zoo veterinarians figured it was from a lack of sexual contact. They decided to ask Bubba, a giant of redneck who was a work hand at the zoo, if he might help them out by getting friendly with the female gorilla.
    The chief veterinarian asked Bubba, “Bubba would you consider making whopee with Deloris the gorilla for $1000?”
    Bubba thought and said, “on 3 conditions”.
    1. You can’t tell anyone.
    2. I won’t kiss her.
    3. I’ll need a couple of weeks to raise the money.

  11. Hilarious –
    Really Red Neck Joke..
    Dirt farmer in the mountains of NC decided to raise ducks.
    Old man and his wife loved Duck eggs, and Duck Soup, with Chinese Noodles.
    Anyway, with credit from the Farmers and Merchants bank, and a letter of approval from the North Carolina Agriculture Dept,
    He bought 25,000 duck chicks at the duck hatchery.
    About two weeks later the old dirt farmer came back and asked for 25,000 more duck hatching’s.
    The Farmers and Merchants bank approved the credit and the North Carolina Agriculture Dept. approved the hatchling purchase.
    Month later the Old dirt farmer came into the Agriculture Dept and started complaining about the defective duck hatching’s.
    Well, an Academia nut from the University of North Carolina said-
    “Why do you need so many ducks?”
    “Tell me how you are feeding/growing them?”
    The poor old dirt farmer replied:
    “Well, the first 25,000 ducks I planted up to their necks in the best red dirt clay soil we have, I watered and fertilized the ducks, but about 14 hours later they all died.
    The next 25,000 I planted head first because my wife could not stand all that quacking and screaming.
    Anyway, all the 50,000 ducks died.”
    “Can you please help me?”
    The Academia nut from the University of North Carolina said-
    “You just calm down, go back to the farm, and then bring me a soil sample,
    And we will help you solve this problem.”

  12. Rex scores again. The US needs to hear truths, not sugar coated PC rhetoric, this is what Trump is delivering but the liberal/left media will ensure he holds onto the cartoon image. Trump is posing as a Republican, he has the Democrats and Republicans in a frenzy. This is no joke, this is a run for the top job of the Western World’s superpower, it needs to be taken seriously. Is Trump serious or just playing a game because he can? Is he using his wealth to stoke his ego or stir things up hoping it will result in promoting new ideas for the betterment of the country?

  13. Before you can bomb the middle east,you have to have airplanes. A handful of old CF’nA-18s don’t count as airplanes. Canada has great pilots but doesn’t have really modern airplanes, and are several iterations behind. Maybe you can talk your native born English speaking Canadians into wearing some snazzy special vests and take care of the problem that way.

  14. and there’s lots of it. I have had great success on the bbq with duck and goose, but you have to do them slow to get the fat out.

  15. Thanks for that one, Al in Cranbrook. Why, it was only the other day that Rob Ford was tellin’ me that Turdo la Doo represents everything that’s wrong with Canadian society…

  16. Q. What do you get when you cross a crokked lawyer witha coked politician? A. A demacrat

  17. EMP: Hmm I think most Military Electronics has protection and I “know” that the protection works. Any foolish Country that thinks that developing a DC pulse system (simulator) as a secret defense… is in for a huge surprise…
    You may have protection, but not know it!

  18. Enter stage-left: NDP MP Bozo Cullen.
    …-
    “Glavin: Left-wing bozo eruptions haven’t plagued NDP — yet”
    “The left in Canada might just sabotage itself. These things happen, with weird regularity.” (calgaryherald)
    …-
    “B.C. MP Nathan Cullen talks NDP-Liberal coalition to end Stephen Harper government”
    “If the upcoming federal election results in Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s Conservatives winning a plurality of the seats in the House of Commons, NDP MP Nathan Cullen says his party will look to team up with the Liberals to form a coalition government.”
    http://www.straight.com/news/494681/bc-mp-nathan-cullen-talks-ndp-liberal-coalition-end-stephen-harper-government

  19. I think the Donald is shaking things up, it’s all good IMO.
    Meanwhile the second and third parties along with their Media buddies in Canada are just making shit up.
    Seems a single Mom named “Ella” feels “dity” after getting her cheque.
    Gets this old guy wondering , is her first name “Salmon”? Just askin’.
    Mr Muclair wants her to donate it to the NDP they don’t seem to be able to get donations?
    I guess dry humping Duffy isn’t a crowd pleaser.

  20. Agree Bubba, The Donald is doing the $hit disturber routine, it’s got ’em all shook up, he knows it and he’s loving it.
    IMO it’s what they need in Obamaland right now.
    Here in Canada the media are going to become increasingly unglued as they see their efforts to oust the best PM we’ve had in memory go up in smoke.

  21. San Francisco urine resistant walls shoot pee backhttp://kron4.com/2015/07/24/new-urine-resistant-walls-in-san-francisco-shoot-pee-back/

  22. AGW RIP.
    “Today’s location. Still rescuing the trapped ships.”
    …-
    “Day 14: In the ice”
    http://blogs.ubc.ca/geotraces2015/2015/07/23/day14/
    …-
    “Arctic research expedition put on hold after vessel diverted to break ice”
    “An Arctic science expedition planned with all the precision of a space mission has been knocked off track by a federal government decision to reassign a Coast Guard research vessel to do urgent ice breaking duties.
    Instead of carrying 40 scientists deep into the Arctic to research climate change, the Amundsen has been temporarily reassigned to break ice for several commercial supply ships trying to reach remote communities on the Hudson Bay coast.”
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/arctic-research-expedition-put-on-hold-after-vessel-diverted-to-break-ice/article25618672/

  23. Read in your best Eastern canadian twang:
    CD ducks?
    MR not ducks!
    O S A R!
    CD EDBD wings?
    LIB!!
    MR ducks!!

  24. Call out to my fellow BC’ers here at SDA. The Premier is making all kinds of noises about reining in our disastrous greenhouse gasses and preparing for impending climate change disasters such as forest fires,which Christy Clark is expoliting in photo ops with PM Harper.
    It’s pretty obvious they’re going to raise the hated carbon tax,but they say we peasants can have a say in it through this survey:
    http://engage.gov.bc.ca/climateleadership/
    Please,go there and do the survey.

  25. Premiers like Clark and Wynne of Ontario are big on climate change, it’s an excuse to make a buck on the backs of the already taxed to poverty citizens with a carbon tax.
    I notice old whiner Neil Young is doing a gig or two in Canada, last night he was in Toronto area doing a Hippy-Dippy concert.
    Have to assume the old coot came by horse and buggy and did the poop and scoop, he’s against oil, specifically our oil and of course the pipeline.

  26. “Europe’s Existence Threatened by Influx of Migrants, Says Hungary’s Orban
    Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban said Saturday that Europe’s existence is under threat from the huge influx of migrants to the region, but that granting Brussels more power isn’t the way to solve the bloc’s problems.” (wsj)
    …-
    “Spanish newspaper: Europe got Muslims for Jews”
    “The truth must be told! All European life died in Auschwitz
    By Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez
    I walked down the street in Barcelona, and suddenly discovered a terrible truth – Europe died in Auschwitz.
    We killed six million Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we burned a culture, thought, creativity, and talent. We destroyed the chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and wonderful people who changed the world.”
    http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1531607/posts

  27. The questionnaire is mostly skewed but Kate’s post about the Alberta inhuman rights commission came in handy for the comment sections.

  28. My frist job after graduating was working on a helicopter autopilot. At first, I was puzzled by the requirement to withstand a nuclear EMP. I had visions of the helicopter crew flying on while knowing their death was imminent. But later I realized that the crew would be in a bunker but the aircraft outside.

  29. AGW RIP: Update.
    “Sea ice in at least three Eastern Canadian polar bear subpopulations is well above normal for this time of year, which means many bears are likely not ashore yet.”
    …-
    “Polar bear habitat update: Eastern Canada well above normal, lots of sea ice worldwide”
    “Hudson Bay ice levels are particularly striking: the anomaly map below (“departure from normal”) is almost entirely blue (positive), showing how far it is above average. No wonder supply ships needed icebreaker help yesterday to get into Inukjuak on the eastern shore.”
    http://polarbearscience.com/2015/07/23/polar-bear-habitat-update-eastern-canada-well-above-normal-lots-of-sea-ice-worldwide/

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