Well, it wasn’t his intent, but Tony Guitar has posted a comment at the Shotgun that came this close to getting there on its own…
“So Albertans in the know will wait until the appropriate time and rattle the sabre of sepratism just when they need some big concession from Ottawa.”
“That’s what North Korea does every time it wants to bump up it’s foreign aid cheques.”
Man, oh man. Every so often, the penny drops with a thunderclap.
Alberta, are you listening?
You want to feel a little respect out of Ottawa and points east? And by “respect”, I don’t mean the eye-rolling, “put up with the oil cowboys” wafer-thin faux tolerance you’re been on the receiving end of for upwards of 40 years, but the heartfelt scramble-to-the-trenches “throw grandma to the wolves” kind of respect that leaves them feeling weak in the knees and damp in the panties…
When it comes to getting concessions, Quebec is decidedly bush league – take a page from the playbook of the acknowledged experts of the Big Bluff® .
In other words, to hell with separatism.
Announce that the province plans to “reinvest” those windfall billions by assuming responsibility for the defence of its own borders – by developing a nuclear weapons program.
Heh.
It’d be worth it just to see the front page of the Toronto Star the next morning.
Great idea except you couldn’t get a good hotel room in Edmonton with all of the UN people running around.
That’s pronounced nucular.
Exit, pursued by a Russian bear.
That made me laugh! Good one Kate.
No nukes needed. A couple of troops of US Boy Scouts should do the trick.
Simple advice to the Conservative Party of Canada for the imminent election.
-Advance the hidden agenda. As in, the agenda the MSM is hidding from Canadians.
-Get real on private healthcare in Canada. I mean, cmon! If public only healthcare(or public only anything, for that matter) was remotely effective, you’d think First World citizens NOT subjects of the British crown would be clamoring for it. It’s like comparing the healthcare systems of North and South Korea. Only less extreme.
-Tell Canadian citizens, straight up, that their economic vitality is a little more important than Kyoto.
-A broad, effective tax cut would be O.K.
-Talk frequently about David Dingwall.
-Talk even more frequently about Inky Mark, Gurmant Grewal, and Belinda Stronach. In that order.
-Pour a massive amount of (generously donated)money into the campaigns of Lois Brown, Laurie Hawn, Tarlok Sablok, and Gurmant Grewal.
-Let the Bloq attack on Gomery, and present a vision of a corrupt free government instead.
-Offer a foreign policy that involves, say, better relations with America; as opposed to whatever the hell the Liberals did to Canada-U.S relations. Also, remember that Softwood is not an issue the Liberals can talk about. These are all the same people that OPPOSED N.A.F.T.A back in the day…
-OWN the law and order issue. That should be an easy one.
-Expose the Liberal method of rewarding the most rewarding votes, by offering everyone the same deal… More privitization(i.e freedom), and a tax cut.
Well Kate I just charged a kilogram of uranium to my Mastercard. Cameco says they will have it to me in a jiffy.
I’d say Ottawa will “warm up” to us when we turn up the temperature to about 100 million degrees Kelvin.
Rumour mill has that there will one HELL of a turnout. Beelzebub himself will be attending and give new meaning to political roast.
Paul Martin once said that come HELL or HIGHWATER he was going to clean up corruption in Ottawa. Well we’ve had the Asia tsunami, New Orleans flooding after hurricane Katrina, flooding in Calgary and Sherbrooke, Quebec.
Perhaps we should consult PM Paul Martin about how he would like HELL delivered. UPS, Fedex or even more ominously CANADA POST?
But be real quiet, shh CSIS is watching, don’t let the secret out.
The Libs already deliver Hell by Fedex–remember the accidents with viruses when a Fedex truck was hit broadside. Remember the Fedex plane crash with viruses aboard? The Libs are doing their best to bring Hell to Canada–and they will succeed. We only have their lying words that nothing escaped in the accident. With idiots like this in charge, are you worried about the Bird Flu yet?
Bluffing? Who’s Bluffing?
Feelings in the province are more of the… “why are we still here? variety as opposed to the, “what concession can we get this week” variety prominent in Quebec.
Isn’t that what that new La Loche Road is for?
Kate that was a stuning retort.
TG’s rubbish followed by Kate’s brilliance made for one hell of a mental roller coaster ride this morning.
Kate, perhaps you should also consider speech writing, you would make a killing and it would be soooo refreshing.
Mike RoA
Oops,I meant “stunning”. Perhaps I should consider an English course.
Mike, RoA
Blogging English 101: A course designed for Blog commentors whose thought process loses something by the time it gets to their finger(s).
Sign me up please.
Texas Canuck, eh
of course we already have nuclear weapons in Alberta… what do you think “hidden agenda” has been code for all this time? back off from our oil Newfoundland, or we’ll vaporize your Screech factories. Better yet, give us all of your Screech or we’ll blow up the Ministry of Welfare.
Note to people who use predominantly black backgrounds with white text on their blogs – it’s not as cool as you think it is and is in fact very hard to read without developing seizures. More people would stick around to read your lovely work if you just make a simple format change… if you care about that.
Never mind Ottawa — can you imaging what the U.S. beef lobby will think?
“Now we KNOW how dangerous ‘mad cow’ is — them Albertans’re planning to nuke our cattle!”
Hoo yeah. Easy way to get a concession on softwood lumber.
Meursault, Nfld. doesn’t need Alta. oil; the Newfs have their own oil now.
Kate,
Don’t worry to much about offending Newfies. Some Newfies have made a mint writing jokes about themselves. Having been born and raised in Newfoundland makes me a Newfie. Having lived umpteen years in Alberta makes me a redneck. So, I’m a rednecked Newfie. Sorta puts me in the same boat as the Newfie comic who’s Mom is Newf and his Dad is Punjab. He calls himself a Poofie. Newfies have the greatest sense of humour in the world.
Two Newfies arrived in Edmonton last week on the way to Ft. MAc. On the bus ride up they saw an old bull laying in the field. One turned to the other and said,” Look at dat, me son. Grounded beef!”
Kate: Check THIS out. Something I wrote a while ago on this very topic.
I think Alberta should declare independance, annex B.C. (need a sea port) and the northern half of Saskatchewan (nukes/good fishing), deport all the lazy union deadwood to Toronto/Montreal and secure our new borders with trigger happy retired farmers/gopher hunters.
Comox and Cold Lake are two respectable airbases, oil and gas is plentiful as is a steady stream of customers, so why would we want to stick around? I’m through with sharing. Equalization is a joke. Eastern Canada can collectively piss up the proverbial rope. Want Alberta money? Move here and work for it you slack ass (generational) welfare cases.
So, here�s the Plan for Sasksatuween�Charge the border (USA) with pick-forks, Cultural Mosaic and Universal Health Care�oh yeah, Flag�in hand. Declare: �You Win�, then collect unlimited Affirmative Action Grants, Fully Paid Health Care for Those in Need and Yes, a flag that is United by the People. Plus 10-15% on your Socialistic Dollar that keeps dragging down Alberta.
Aaron…
Brilliant post. With the rising prices of fossil fuel, it’s seems like Fort Mac should have gone nuclear a long time ago. A few rods of Uranium here and there, could produce all of the energy needed to harvest the oilsands. Even better than your “gambling tax stadium” idea… 🙂
George: You should have ordered Plutonium instead(North Korea has a thriving market). It has a higher yield, and is MUCH more radioactive.
Alberta isn’t a tin pot marxist dictatorship like Korea. That analogy is closer to what Ottawa is. No saber rattling is reqired by Albertans. We nerver complain to Ottawa about the pathetic loose change the Liberal welfare state doles out through equilization. Hell we haven’t complained about being the major source of the nanny state swag that goes to the socialist basket case provinces. But we hate being ignored and villified while we are paying the bills. It has always been about having a place at the national policy table and NOT being brushed off. Alberta is not central Canada’s perennial welfare bitch. If you think so you will be paying your own welfare bills in the future and that is NOT an idle threat.
Alberta doesn’t “rattle sabers” it fires warning shots over the bows of pirate vessels ( under CSL flags) when it is about to be pillaged, ignored or villanized. Consider yourselves warned.
You want a real life example that matches your analogy Tony, look no father than Quebec for “saber rattling” with a distinct lack of testicular fortitude to back it up. Alberta is the wrong subject for your parable of intimidation for welfare.
You know, you guys sure are giving Ontario a run for its money for the title of “The Province That Everyone Loves To Hate.”
Ah, but Ontario remains unchallenged as “the Province WHERE Everyone Loves To Hate”.
As a Yank, I would much rather see Albertans buy some F-15E Strike Eagles and F/A-22 Raptors to defend your borders, some warships for your nation and oh, BTW, instead of a nuke bomb – just secede already.
Seriously.
If you study American history, you will learn that our South’s experiment in Confederacy in 1861-5 failed partially at the hands of better soldiers, better generals, and better ideas… but also at the hands of every state (in your case, province) for itself.
Frankly, B.C. should become its own nation-state (the mere thought of Premier Campbell w/ aircraft carriers should terrorize any thugocrat on the Pacific Rim – whether their last name is Sims or Jong-Il), Alberta should join with Manitoba and Sasketchewan – okay, buy them – and also Northern Ontario. Leave my friend Sandra Pupatello in the McGuinty-Pupatello government south Ontario to run and give the French – seriously, give the French Quebec – and let the Atlantic Provinces wither on the vine or coalesce behind Newfoundland & Labrador.