Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries

11 Replies to “Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries”

1. Ötzi lived the ultimate net zero lifestyle. He gives us a glimpse in our dirty, smelly, difficult and short carbon neutral future.

   1. ah yes, but unlike Otzi’s day, they didn’t have an uber privileged elite demographic that keep all the conveniences and comforts invented and discovered thru those 100,000s of years. the best one can hope for is to be skilled in something they like, want and must have, so you eck out a subsistence existence, kept around only as long as you can produce for them then discarded like a used battery. (the non-rechargeable kind. still lots of those)

      1. Nothing is stopping us from killing them if we chose to.

2. Recent study has determined that Ötzi was trans.

3. What do they call a dead, carbon-neutral Ötzi?
   A NÖtzi.
   Ha! I slay myself sometimes.

4. Ohhhhhhhhhh mommmaaaaaaa … we’d have never discovered Og if not for global warming uncovering his icy grave! Does he have any indigenous relatives who can get PAID $$$ by Exxon? Shouldn’t we re-interment this noble savage? Find a deeper glacier and drill his carcass into it?

   1. Hello I am Yuhtzi great grandson of Otzi to the 191st power. Please send big screen TV`s and all reparations to
      Dethawed Climate Change Action Healing Slush Fund
      PO Box 152
      Attawapiskat, Ontario, Canada
      POL-1A0

      1. I think the Attawapiskat reserve should sponsor the Ottawa CFL team, and they should change their name to the Ottawa Piss Cats. Give the Tiger Cats a run for their money!

         1. You’d think there’d be a bar band called the Ottawa Piss Cats, perhaps there will be now?

5. The “fern” that was found in his stomach is commonly known as a fiddlehead, or the young, tightly coiled frond of a fern. They are edible, and are still eaten by many when in season. My question is: How is it that Otzi’s stomach contained fully intact, undigested fiddleheads? Ferns grow in mostly rainforest type areas. Where would he find them in the alps, in winter?

   1. Gym is preparing to blame time-travelling fiddlehead-smuggling bible thumpers. I myself am forming my next band, the Fiddlehead Smugglers.