25 Replies to “Honey, I Finished The Internet”

  2. I can attest, that CBC makes each local and global crisis news story, with the same deliberation and care.

  3. I’m up in the bush in NW Ontario at the moment. Hanging out with an old friend in the outfitting business. He’s been busy most days so I’m on the chainsaw cutting him some winter’s wood

    I’m from the ranch country out in Alberta where we know bullshit when we see it but more important we know bullshit when we hear it.

    What a crock of BS this guy is selling. I too saw that $1200 price tag and that lovingly hand delivered bundle of kindling…..arrrrugh.

    Solid dry wood burns best. Buffalo chips burn as well. Jesse is selling buffalo chips.

    1. Free range, gluten free, non-GMO, hatred-free trees that were hugged weekly.

      Not like the tree I fell and bucked in the backyard that is now dry enough to cook hot-dogs over. That tree isn’t for sale. Either post or pre-splitting, it’s not for sale. I’m gonna burn it to make my kids happy.

      And I’ll feel good about the extra CO2 because I’m helping to feed subsistence farmers in the poorest places in the world, by giving them free fertilizer that their governments can’t steal. As Bugs Bunny would say, “Ain’t I a stinker?”

    2. AB – Wow … now … I … feel like I’m YOUR apprentice. I am one of the very last residents of N.CA who still clings to his 1947 brick fireplace. I am not afraid of soot on my designer furniture, and burn actual wood in my fireplace. Why? Because I like it. It must be in my DNA … inherited from my (white) Swedish ancestors.

      My first AMAZING tutorial from you!? … “Solid, dry, wood burns best” … Only a Canadian Mountain Man could offer such sage advice. Or do you hail from the cold windswept prairies? Either way … wood burning is mostly an “atmospheric” thing for me … but for you … it sounds like survival!! You NEED to be a wood/fire EXPERT! Me? I’m just a doosh with an iPad surfing Instagram for a wood fire expert so I can brag to my hipster neighbors about my Google knowledge

      I’m gonna ponder your advice for another month before I answer the craigslist advertisement for a cord of “mixed oak” for only $450.00/cord + fuel surcharge. This season? I will not accept anything other than .. “solid” … “dry” … “wood”. Thank you, Master.

    1. Really funny or CBC funny (meaning rates a “meh” response for scenes where the laugh track is wetting itself)?

  5. This is the year spouse decided the fence on the north side of our lot absolutely had to be replaced. It was an original (think close to 60 years) and had been held up for many years by some piping spouse had pounded into posts to keep things going back in the day when original owners lived there (they were married in 1940 so one can guess how along ago that was). Anyway, pushing the new fence through showed how much debris (and, to be honest, junk) was on our side along with a lot of wood. Have hived off a fair bit to family and friends, but still have enough for the fireplace.

    The fence required cutting out of extraneous trees, etc., on both sides. Fence looks great, and neighbour to north has taken the opportunity to really make a new garden. Spouse has helped with taking out unwanted bushes, etc., on their side so all happy.

  6. Well, excuse my lack of sense of humour in this instance, but that is dated humour.
    That was your CBC tax dollars at work, trying to be hip and funny with a trope that some guy from Michigan long ago already made funny on his own fucking dime, or was it a dude in Tennessee?
    Really, Kate, I sure hope that was your sarc button on to demonstrate why we should defund the derivative CBC.
    If not, then I just don’t know what to say.
    Oh, how about….piss on the CBC. They can’t even get irony really funny. Just watch it again to know what I mean. Complete with some CBC exec’s nephew pretending to be the knowing sarcastic firewood dude. Piss on them. Peace.

    1. I get the distinct impression that the CBC could produce the greatest work of entertainment known to man, and you would still hate it just on principle. Recognizing your biases is the first step towards overcoming them.

      1. Andrew: If a rancher or farmer from Alberta or Saskatchewan decided to sell old fence posts or recycled rail ties for firewood, the CBC would bring in Dr. Suzuki. In a week, Suzuki would be on the air raving and ranting about the destruction of the planet. Burning wood in Vancouver however is acceptable. Yup!! We’re gonna protest the pipelines! Damned Co2 !!

      2. We’ll never know since CBC is far from producing great works of entertainment. I wait with baited breath for the tenth or eleventh version of Anne of Green Gables! Or not.

  7. Not likely they could produce the greatest work of entertainment known to man even with double the money they steal from Canadians!
    1.7 billion dollars and I get get ‘Schitts Creek’ and ‘Little mosque on the Prairie’ and Curling and Olympics?
    No! Even with paltry competition like CTV and Global, they can pull in only 5 or 6% of the viewers.
    Go away Andrew.

  8. I feel sorry for you guys who can’t appreciate the humour in this because it’s from the CBC or something.

    I heat my house totally with firewood that I fall, cut, haul, split and stack, and then haul and burn myself because it’s the best way to clean up the property, it’s great exercise and there’s nothing like tax-free heat.

    Knowing the work it takes to make my 7 1/2 cords per year happen, and how any old piece is good enough so long as it’ll add to the pile is what makes me find it funny to look at it in a totally different way. So thanks, Kate, I guess only those who actually have done this can really appreciate it.

    1. Rick in BC – I believe that This is That is performed (was performed) in BC. I too have lots of hardwood-for-firewood experience and agree that this episode was great. Thanks Kate.

      A “This is That” episode from 2015 was good enough for me to send to my then Australian GVP – “Australian politician says use of the word ‘Canadian’ as derogatory term will no longer be tolerated”. I think there are readers here who would like to keep it as a derogatory term.

      https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thisisthat/montreal-hard-hats-meatme-canadian-in-australia-running-of-the-bulls-1.3293190/australian-politician-says-use-of-the-word-canadian-as-derogatory-term-will-no-longer-be-tolerated-1.3293251

  9. Ok I missed the farce in this piece.

    As a lifer in the wood-burning game my first impression was reductio ad absurdum. Pass me the chain oil…..

  11. Mildly amusing satire.
    This idea could work in some of the hipper parts of coastal America. I have been inside a real store in Brooklyn that sold sets of four mason jars for $34.99 (USD).

  13. This could pass for the work of first year SAIT students of Radio and Television Arts which could be inexpensively viewed without it being a part of the political monstrosity known as the CBC.

  14. No wood shall be burned before its time. Once cut, fire-wood has to be seasoned. Hy’s works grate. (yes I know how to spell). Next it should be smoked over an open fire. Pass the rolling papers. Throw in some wet hickory chips for additional flavor or if you prefer ersatz coffee, try chicory. After the wood is thoroughly smoked it may burst into flames. Have an extinguisher ready. Four grown men with a keg of beer will suffice, but ensure your gear is all packed and you are ready to leave the fire unattended. At this point, if you wanted the wood for indoor heating your wife will rake you over the coals, which are prime for cooking the rabbit your daughter called Thumper. Or is it Bambi? Anywhooo, for indoor heating an airtight wood-burner, when stoked to capacity, and the rowdy friends/family aren’t, will burn all night. Next morning simply throw in your pot-pourri of wood, seasoning and any incriminating bones, open the air-draft and let her roar. If it sounds more like a kitten pour on the used motor oil. Oh and when in the woods? Cut only DEAD standing trees. There’s lots of them. Where’s my $1.6 billion?

  15. I hate my dead space gas fireplace, except in September and April/May, when I can heat my home cheaply and not pay ever-increasing hydro bills. Also good when electricity fails. Actually, I think they are now verbotten for new construction in Vancouver, home of eco-freaks and city council activists.

    I will enjoy my gas stove while I can. Electric stoves suck. Nothing better than a real wood-burning stove, and I will accept the risk of cancer??

    When I cleaned my mom’s house in Calgary, she had tons of very dry wood in the garage. It was wonderful to enjoy before we sold.

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