Theresa May’s Britain

Cold Dead Hands Great Moments In Socialism 50 Comments

Where the foxes caper unmolested, the government packs your school lunch and Onion… is that you?

A judge has called for a drastic rethink on the way we use knives in kitchens in a bid to reduce the number of young men dying on our streets because of knife crime.

 

And he has come up with an idea for a scheme that could be rolled out across the UK where members of the public could take their kitchen knives to be ‘modified’ and the points ground down into rounded ends.

Our civilization has been infiltrated by space aliens, and they’re just toying with us now.

50 Replies to “Theresa May’s Britain”

    2. Rocks. Sticks. Belts/shoelaces. Clenched fists. Furrowed brows. Laughter. Eye contact.
      It’s easy to imagine the progression.

  2. So the criminal, with a dozen or so rounded pointless(in more ways than one) knives, decides it’s time to go stab some rival or victim.

    He can drop them off at the nearest convict half-way house, where a real expert will sharpen them and re-file a point on them. Then pick them up later. I mean anyone who can turn a toothbrush into a deadly weapon is likely an expert at filing and sharpening.

    After his gang has attacked and stabbed their victims. Their half-way house mate can remove the points and dull the blades and give them back to him before he’s finished his cigarette.

    Meanwhile back in reality land, some scallywag will stand up in Parliament and ask: Did every husband and wife or couple stab/cut each other to death last night?

    No? Why not? They live in the same household. They all have kitchen knives, and as for opportunity. One of the two of them fell asleep first.

    Each couple didn’t have one of them kill the other last night because… they didn’t have the Mens Rea, the guilty intent to do so.

    That is the deciding factor in crime. A basic principle of Common-Law but ignored by the fantasylanders, who see an evil spirit lurking in every knife, axe, machete, cricket bat, firearm and … given the vehicle jihad, in every vehicle.

    To the fantasylander(utopian), we only have to revert back to the stone age and we’ll be back in paradise, the Garden of Eden.

    No, not true. We’d only be back in the stone age, and the wolves and boa constrictors would be fat.

  3. Oy mate you ‘ave a loisense for ‘at butter knife? The absolute state of the Britain.

      1. …AHH!!! NAHH!!!

        No knives required today, there’s only hugs and quiches on the menu today!

  6. The Thin Red Line is turning into an ugly yellow streak.

    There is a darkness approaching in the distance.

  7. OK … that takes care of the pointy end of a knife … now, how about the slicey edge(s) of a knife? Once the government has removed all the hazards associated with knives … then they will have to mandate all vegetables be factory sliced.

    They DO realize that slitting a throat with the slicey-side of a knife is perhaps the MOST deadly way to use a knife as a weapon? Idgiots.

    1. Slicing the femoral artery and femoral vein(inside front of each thigh) are the most deadly ways to cut with a knife. Hard to block.
      Stabbing can be done with many different types of sharp stiff objects.
      Shard of thick glass, fencing spike, tent peg, knitting needle, bone shard, thick stiff wire, hardwood etc.

      1. Perhaps a return to chainmail will make us all safe from Islam … again. When in the Dark Ages … ?

      2. all due to be regulated and banned and swept from existence.

        except in the dark corners, where they are actually used for the alternate purpose.
        did ms knifey sign on to metoo yet? yo, wuss, stand up so we cun see ya, dunneh cun stand up agin this waif.

    2. Kenji?

      Factory sliced? Stuff turns brownish, where cut!!!!

      I will pay a Knife Tax ( shhhh ) before buying factory sliced!

      P.S. I have a plastic, jagged-edged knife that prevents this, but it makes me feel like a 4 year old. After all, I’m not a female anymore they say, I’m just a “feeling” now. Heh, Heh!

    1. A former 2 year prison inmate told me that one of the best weapons is a sharpen fork.
      –
      Steal a dinner fork, bring it back to your cell wall, spend a few minutes scraping it knife sharp, then stab your adversity in the neck. Problem solved.

      Oh- The inhumanity! The judge should also consider banning Grill Forks and Metal Spatulas.

  10. when will they come for my fingers? I could really kill someone with them.

  11. I look forward to the future of mandatory prefrontal lobotomy for us all when this ‘knife control’ measure is definitively shown to fail. The elites, being of superior intellect and not subject to anger or envy, will of course be exempt. /sarc

  13. Too bad for the judge that they have no National Knife Association he can blame everything on.

  14. http://phantomsoapbox.blogspot.ca/2016/06/chopsticks-are-deadly-weapons-too.html

    And pencils.

    “All wooden pencils will be dulled to a rounded point, the eeeevile mechanical Assault Pencil is hereby banned and ten years in jail to the ones who don’t turn them in for destruction… pens are right out!”

    Of course the problem here is that the above is no longer a joke. It is now a prediction. It is only a matter of when they get around to it, not if they’re dumb enough to do it.

  15. Mandatory porridge for everyone. Coupons for yogurt offered in exchange for any sharp tool: knives, scissors, chisels, spearguns, etc..

  16. Is Unthing May’s new advisor? This type of thinking would b right up it’s alley>

    1. Feed his body to pigs then jail whoever is responsible for releasing him.

  18. dayum. Just being toyed with? Cannot argue with that.

    Just remember, it is not the con artists who get elected; eventually you just got to blame the people who keep casting the same vote. Sure, I can understand. You get fooled 435 times; not your fault, could happen to anyone. But that 5760th time, you have to catch that one, right?

  19. I was in a bar in Alberta when someone got stabbed with a spoon. Didn’t kill them but it did some damage before the fight was broke up

  22. 28 May 2018
    Stockton, California, Mayor Michael Tubbs (D) is proposing $1,000 for people considered “most likely to shoot somebody.”
    He would also offer potential shooters “18 months of counseling” and the money if they avoid getting into trouble.
    The Advance Peace program is being pushed along with a $500-a-month guaranteed basic income for “a select group of residents.”
    GO WEST YOUNG SERIAL KILLERS..
    California Crazy.

  23. a drastic rethink on the way we use knives in kitchens

    That line reminds me of a statement that the real PM of Canada in a TV interview. Buttshead said that we don’t need an alternate way of transporting oil, we need an alternate economy. I wonder how that’s been working out…..

  24. And outlaw grinders of course. We wouldn’t want the rounded knives to be re-shaped with pointy ends.

    1. To own both a dull knife and a rock will be construed as “constructive possession” of a sharp knife, to borrow a term from the ATF.

  25. At what point did the English become the stupidest people on earth? It wasn’t all that long ago they were pretty sharp.

    1. When they started to vote Labour Party, and allowed their educational system to be taken over by progressives.

    2. Stupidity is an inevitable result of urbanization, scar. Same thing is happening here.

  26. I…wow….

    He’s obviously never had to do his own cooking besides instant meals. My wife uses an 8″ knife every single day. I suspect most people who enjoy cooking do. It’s necessary as a kitchen tool.

    That aside, what does he think making the tip rounded/blunted will actually do? On a knife…nothing. It’ll still slide in. Just takes a bit more effort. And if someone is interested in stabbing you, that effort is already factored in.

    Calling him a twat is an insult to twats. But I now realise that being a judge in the UK court system requires a lobotomy, either before or after being appointed to the bench.

    1. “But I now realise that being a judge in the UK court system requires a lobotomy”

      True….but after the scrotomotomy and the peckerectomy.

      1. The John Reed videos are funny. I laughed my head off!

        I also recognized the tunes as Gilbert & Sullivan’s! In high school we did the musical H.M.S. Pinafore for the end of the year drama club special. All girls! We practiced for 2-3 months after school. I played a regular sailor repairing real fishing nets in and on our shop prop, the H.M.S. Pinafore. I still remember the tunes, the lyrics are terrific. Our drama teachers were so kind, you see I love music but can’t carry a tune if my life depended on it. To this day I’m surprised I didn’t get kicked off the play.

        I still TORTURE people when I sing, only they aren’t as charitable!

        Thank you for this! You rock my memory bank, without knowing it…….” La la la I’m called little Butter cup… la, laa, la!”

  27. “It wasn’t all that long ago they were pretty sharp.”

    Now cut that out!

  28. *
    Toronto Police were called to an altercation just before
    1 a.m. near Overlord Cr. and Hupfield Trail. “Initial reports
    were five people had been stabbed, but when police
    arrived only two were found    ,” said police spokesman
    Katrina Arrogante.

    i blame the “national cutlery association.”

    *

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