Among the many reasons to cut the bull on global warming, it turns out a
staggering 24 million tonnes of annual greenhouse gas emissions are coming
from the exhaust pipes of Canadian cattle and other farting farm animals.In the overall ecological scheme of things, that means farmyard flatulence
is contributing as much to heating the planet as half of all the regular
passenger cars on Canadian roads today.Exactly how one coaxes Bessie into a raspberry reduction to help save the
Earth is a problem we are happy to leave to Canada’s enthusiastic new
environment minister, John Baird (although we do hope there will be pictures)…
— Greg Weston / Ottawa Sun
So does this mean that I should stop feeding the cows nachos and refried
beans when I invite my father-in-law’s cattle herd over to watch Monday Night
Football?
Beef makes me do the same as the cows – so there is a real food chain. Now if we can counter the reaction with an eco-friendly red wine the world shall over come. God bless eco warming and the BBQ.
What a great project for “The Milkman” to work on before the next election 🙂
I *like* global warming. Ever tried to install a satellite dish at -25? It sucks! Pardon me while I go eat some beef and idle a few of the vehicles for half an hour in order to get some more carbon into the atmosphere.
I wonder how Mother Earth ever managed when not all that long ago hundreds of millions of wild bison roamed the Great Plains and Russian Siberia, along with innumerable herbivorous animals of the African savannhahs?
Answer: I suspect just fine.
Sean your brain is working over time today LOL!
I’m thinking that we really need to be teaching our farm animals better manners. Right now I am walking down main street in “anywhere” sk with a bag over my head ’cause I just can’t bear (bare?) to look folks in the eye knowing that ma cows is fartin an’ all. Puleeeeeeese Jack – cud ja jus this one time see yor way clear to fugivin me?
Please everyone, only eat beef from herds that have been cured of SARS. What do cows eat-grass, plants etc. They eat no meat, so does that mean we must plug all those vegans and PETA people. At least we should thank Greg for finally making fun of global warming. And to think thousands of people who are y2kyoto freaks, are the same ones out there protecting a species that is causing it ghg. What will the Wildlife sp interests to, when we tell them we can no longer donate as they are a major cause of global warming. Buy shares in Beano, ranchers will be forced to give it to their herds. OT, but notice the crowds were much smaller for Robert Kennedy’s wkend in Banff. Maybe all those stars didn’t have a passport to get home.
COWS DONT FLATULATE ! Thats what their four(4) stomaches are for.Horses do,cows dont.My brother in law (a doctor) once told me that there was a great hole in the ozone layer over the great plains from the methane gas produced by the millions of buffalo.I asked him where he was raised as it was the same place that I was and that was in southern Sask.I said that with the nearly constant wind that blows over these great plains that there may have been a hole but it sure as Hell wasnt over here.
Mary T! I had me a real good “SARS” free steak tonite. I have it on good authority that the animal that produced this steak was completely “Sars” and “Fart” free. It just doesn’t get any better than that for me or the rest of the world.
We should make better use of this natural resource that is being wasted. Start by getting rid of the cars and moving the cattle into cities. People could ride their cows to work and in the process provide a large supply of natural fuel for the homeless (hey it works in India). Food might be a bit of a problem, but cows can be fed on cellulose and urea which means that the daily paper might actually be good for something after all. In the evening, after riding the cow home, hook it up to a gas stove and hope that bacterial fermentation has produced enough gas to cook supper. Overnight, the cow could provide heat and negate the need to produce greenhouse gasses to heat homes in winter. There might be a few problems like getting cows into highrise elevators, but I’m sure they can be solved.
“Necessity is the mother of invention”, right? I have just invented the one thing that will bring me fame AND fortune! I am the SOLE distributor of “FART FREE” steak!!!!!!!!!!!!! No longer will you have to pay outrageous prices in restaurants for steaks that come from cows that have actually farted! Well, actually, if you want to have a steak that comes from “fart free” cows, you may have to pay a little more, BUT, so what! At least you can have the satisfaction that your steak has never been “part of a fart.” Mon Dieu! At long last – there is sanity – or at least fantasy!
Coming to a meat counter near you, transfart free beef. We raised cattle for 35 yrs, and whenever our son come in from cleaning the barn, and his sister complained of the smell he just replied, hmm, smells like money to me. How much methane do dogs produce.
As funny as Weston’s prose is, his point is somewhat scarier. If you accept his figure of 200 Megatonnes in reductions needed to meet Kyoto and add up his major polluters you come to some interesting conclusions. For starters, his low end high polluters include the domestic airline at only 8 Megatonnes so realistically the 10 or so biggest polluters are the most likely targets of reductions. Adding all those big polluters up gives us 695 Megatonnes. To make the reduction of 200 Megatonnes we would need to lose over 28% of GHG emissions. Do the math and that’s one hell of a lot of economic activity gone. Dion’s fancy that we can make up the concurrent 28% loss in output with un-invented new technologies is beyond ridiculous. And the time frame is five years, so there’s now way we can invent, market, and realize enough profit from his imaginary “green economy” in time to offset the damage Kyoto will cause. Dion’s plan only works if we accept a MASSIVE recession, massive job loss, reductions in home heating that may require a re-definition of “Room Temperature” and bans on car use. That’s the truth about Kyoto. When can we expect a politician to tell it?
Doubtless someone will soon think of instituting a fart-tax on all beef purchases.
…cows don’t fart as much as they belch methane.
But still it must be funny watching these prestine white coat scientists running around on a cow pasture with garbage bags to measure the volume of exhaust a cow does…
Think of the opportunities here folks. Mega-millions to be made on “flatulence filters”! 😉
”Belgian researchers have found that adding fish oil to fodder reduced methane emissions in cattle by up to 80%, while the Australians are even experimenting with a flatulence-reducing vaccine.
And the UK, too, is finally falling into line. In a parliamentary answer politely entitled “Bovine Emissions” last week, farming minister Ian Pearson said “recent research suggests that substantial methane reductions could be achieved by changes to feed regimes”.”
http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1834432006
China still does not have emmission targets. between their regular high veg. diet and the new taste for western beef, Canaduh’s gas emissions will pale into insignificance.
As my son said once many years ago when coming home from Grade 1, ‘Chinese kids are smart in math but they sure fart alot’
I understand that rain forrests produce about 30% of the GHG emissions in the world. Time to get the chainsaws out!
*ahem*
Well I’m pleased to announce that I am doing my part to protect the environment, inspired by Citoyen Dion and his affinity towards ecologically-friendly canines.
I have now encased my beloved golden retriever in a carbon-filter infused, plastic vapour barrier-encased envelope, to ensure that his rare bouts of flatulence do not plunge us into global catastrophe.
Although I must say that his normally loving and devoted facial expression has been replaced by a pit-bull like permanent snarl. Oh well, it’s the least that I can do to ensure that the citizens of the world are protected from ecological disaster.
I feel very satisfied with myself now…much like I felt after I spent thousands of dollars to protect my business’ computer systems from the dreaded impending Y2K catastrophe, as predicted by a multitude of eminent scientists…
Oh wait…the whole Y2K threat turned out to be bullshit, didn’t it…
LOL, good one Gunney99! I heard that the largest most powerful tribe in the world, is the Tribe of Idiots. And a person need only have to believe even a little of this GW nonsense being literaly spewed forth to be a member.
Alright Gunney. Now you’re just making shit up. Trees absorb carbon. That’s why the Libs were pushing for a Kyoto “credit” for our forests. I think maybe what you heard is something about the rainforest getting chopped down and replaced with cattle farms.
I’m not going to stop eating my steak, so hopefully that fish oil thing works.
chernkov; not making this up. A rain forest has vast quantities of rotting or decaying vegitation; a natural compost heap. I also understand plants do not intake co2 in the dark, sunlight being needed for the processes in the leaves, but i’m not a biologist. Perhaps someone who is can explain the process.
Just finishing up the drawings for my patent application now. I think the “FartFilter Bovine Butt Plug” is going places, folks…
Maybe I can get some of that fat development cash from Paco Enterprises…
In discussion (critical by libs & May) it was stated we need to get 1 million cars off the road to meet targets. They blasted the minister for not using the word kyoto in his announcement today. How many are surprised that the energuide program was not cancelled, until March 2007. Just Mercer was eliminated. Seems a lot of those getting audited for energy never carried thru with the necessary work. This time, you have to do the changes before getting the money. Listen to the libs complain, first about stealing their ideas, then telling us it wont work.
The important thing is that the truth about kyoto and what it will mean to meet the targets is getting out, and people are making fun of it. It was mentioned today that it will cost about 15,000/home to retrofit for cutting ghg. The announcement was made today to the building industry, as they are the ones who have to do most of the work, and build more efficient houses. At least the money is staying in the canadian ecomony instead of sticking to liberal hands in China. There is quite an industry in europe now, with brokerages etc buying and selling permits to emit. Many were given out free to start, and the ones paying 66% increases in utility costs are schools and hospitals as they never had the money to start with. Chaos over there. Bet by the time the election comes cdns will be against spending 15,000/house, and getting rid of their cars, and reducing temps in the winter, to make dion/layton/may happy.
I want the fart-vaccine franchise. I know many men that need it. Maybe AVON would be interested.
Maybe we should fwd copies of all these ideas to dion, or Jason.
Hard to believe how big this hoax has begun. Maurice should be happy and Goebbels is smiling down there in hell, because of the big lie called global warming. When people are so stupid as to believe cows are farting the world away it is time to see a therapist, there were 100 million bison on these plains at one time, did they not let a few rippers go, how could this earth survive 5 billion years without these super heros the Lieberals New Dopers etal. Maybe it is time us ranchers quit working for nothing supplying these morons with food, f. off you stinking liberals and grow something of your own if your so smart you certainly don’t need to buy fertilizer, you generate tons.
“I think the “FartFilter Bovine Butt Plug” is going places, folks…”
Just try not to look too surprised when you see it being modelled by several husky young men during the next gay pride parade held in Toronto.
Hey folks, in one of my former lives I had a cow-calf operation. Cows DON’T FART, except for a little extra propulsion while they’re crapping. They do BELCH a lot though. Perhaps if we cut their beer rations …
I’m not an expert, Gunney, but intuitively it didn’t seem to make any sense. In the end, the truth is probably somewhere in between. The first hit on my Google search came up with this:
“It appears that tropical forests that have been thought of as large sources of greenhouse gasses may be neutral,” http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/01/000125053133.htm
cherenkov; My source is a journalist whose source in turn I don’t know. You are probably right. It would seem natural that a rainforest (not a boreal forest) would generate most of the required co2 in a symbonic or self-supplying manner. There is no question though this “Greenhouse”/”Global Warming” story is, just that, a good story. In my search I came up with this site: http://www.junkscience.com/.
A quote from junkscience: “Since February 16, 2005, the Kyoto Protocol has cost US$ 289,692,497,412 while potentially saving an undetectable 0.003004218 °C by the year 2050.
Malaria cost US$ 253,812,053,760 in lost GDP and 5,214,464 lives over the same time period.
”
Hmmm, wonder what the workaround could be? There must be some bureaucratic fix to this. Could we make all of our cows foreign nationals? Or herd them all into an area and form an independent bovine nation, in order to leave Canada off the hook for the GHG production. We may be simply lacking a creative solution here.
Better yet, cover the cows with a burka, and call them an endangered species. And, the diaper for cows was invented, and shown on tv years ago on This Hour has 7 days. Wonder where that woman is now.
Rest assured, citizens, when the Nuremberg-style trials for Eco-Criminals are finally held, these miscreant cows will be brought to justice.
… Preferably with a side of roast potatoes and grilled vegetables.
I find the defendants … delicious!
Lets see. US share of the world’s GHCis 20%, China’s is 14 %, Russia is 5.7% and India is another 5%, while Canada is at a mare 2 % of the world’s output. Neither China, India, Russia nor the US will be required to reduce their GHC’s and they are actually increasing them and building new plants and industries. So their increased output will easily negate any reductions by Canada and the EU, even if they make their Kyoto targets in the next 5 years.
Another thing that those environmentalists do not say is that the reason why Russia has a surplus in emission credits was because they were bankrupt in 1990. The Kyoto protocol included the emissions from all of those factories and industries that Russia would have built, but could not because it was bankrupt. Because of this, Russia is considered under the target and free to sell this phantom difference in emissions to other gullible countries like Canada for billions of dollars. In other words, these third world countries will be getting free money for doing absolutely nothing.
I cannot believe the folly of these environmentalists. Their action would result in Canadians losing thousands of jobs and billions of our hard earned dollars sent overseas to countries like Russia, India and other countries to buy emission credits instead of it being spent to improve Canada.
Funny, back in the 70s I used to joke about all the wasted energy going up in gas. I thought about a device to collect the gas into cannisters for re-use. Even had a slogan parodying the govt ads at the time:
‘Think about saving energy and can your own gas’
I’d probably be rich if I’d followed up on that fantabulous idea, eh?
what is it about dog farts they are so repulsively rancid? is it the meat in their diet?
Chooch here really makes her presence known that way about 3 times a week.
This is a self-correcting problem. Relax everyone.
Either we do nothing, in which case we all die, in which case there is no need for cows, so who cares?
Or, Uncle Mo’s vision comes true and we collapse our western civilization (because it’s sooo wrong and sooo unfair), so we can’t support our population, so there is no need for cows, so who cares?
they forced my 12 yr old to watch gore’s movie in school….”daddy, are we all going to die” was her first question to me…on the phone to the school, “why are you brainwashing my daughter with your left-wing crap”?…’please hold’ was the response….time to bring it up a notch, I called the board…same question, no answer….ok, let’s go to the board office in person, and see what response I get….”If you do not leave right now, the police will be called”….my parting remark, “drop the commie crap, or we shall see you in court”….next thing you know, they will be telling my daughters it is ok to marry a muslim….MOONBAT IDIOTS!
Cows are not the problem. It’s all the bullshit being shot by the Lefturds who signed Kyoto, shipped a few million bucks offshore, and did nothing for ten years.Now they’re saying its an “urgent” matter. After a year in office the Conservatives are trying to take action in the only way possible, implementing changes very gradually but DOING something.
In spite of all the hype we still have to survive economically while we are clearing the air!
Brace yourselves for all the phony “experts” from the Dippers and Libranos with critics like McGoonty’s brother David , now that’s where the pollution starts.
We may have to pay a pooper scooper on the Hill as part of the Environment budget.
Posted by: The Rat
When can we expect a politician to tell it?
Rona Ambrose already tried that, and she was mobbed by the opposition and the environmentalists. Making the cows targets and the “bad guys” falls in with Uncle Mo’s plans of eliminating meat from our diet. It should be just about time for the UN’s paid policy advisors to discover a mysterious fatal desease emanating from air conditioners, also falling in line with Uncle Mo’s plans. Uncle Mo also thinks the only way to save the earth is to destroy western civilization. Ain’t Kyoto a great tool to accomplish both, and make himself and his Power Corp. buddies extremely wealthy at the same time.
showing Al Gore propaganda to kids is a crime.
Local weekend TV news folks were going ga-ga over it as well . . . must see, watch with your children, blah, blah, blah .
here’s the answer
http://ff.org/centers/csspp/pdf/20061121_gore.pdf
Maybe we should equip Mo Strong with a fart catcher when he visits us from his long spells in China, every little bit counts. Gotta work up a good bit of steam with all those sprouts.
Take a leaf from my book:
To do my bit to further Kyoto, I collect farts in a bottle.
Everyone here is joking about this. But, there are real consequences coming out of this lunacy. Britain is already “taking action.”
Check out:
3w.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-1903311,00.html
and
news.independent.co.uk/environment/article2062484.ece
Expect them to start taxing farmers and beef. If their craziness has been swallowed by the public this far…they’ll go farther.
Wimpy,
It appears you have invented some important ” CAP ” technology to help all Canadians comply with Kyoto . Personally , ” Trading ” these emissions , while environmentally correct , is just plain gross . I suggest donating them to the LPC .
Question
24 million tonnes of annual greenhouse gas emissions from cattle.
130 million tonnes from power generation.
And on and on.
How do they measure these things?
Who is doing the measuring?
Why do we take it for granted-apparently-that the numbers are factual, and accurate?
I’d like an answer to the cattle emissions for starters.
Could there be a little “BS” involved with these numbers?
Kyoto is a fraud…its a kleptocrat’s wet dream…I’m through debating it with soft heads and corrupt political axegriders and polis…I just refuse to comply with any part of it which pulls a penney from my pocket.
Just say no to flatulent taxes.
I have wondered about an answer for gordonm’s question since rick mercer started spouting about the one ton challange.Could never get one.
kingstonlad
The National Association of Science Teachers in the U.S. is being hammered by the Church of Climatology crowd for refusing to assist in the distribution of 50,000 copies of Gore’s opus to junior high schools. The level of vilification for NAST simply not wanting to give the impression that it endorses the film has been extreme, and I’m afraid that it will cave.
this explains the cycle better than most scientists.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loPhDNWyWJo