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November 14, 2009

World Rabbit Shortage Narrowly Averted

Researchers create working penises for rabbits from cells

Related: As winter approaches, new hope for a nervous Sweden.

(Next on the research horizon: wings for flies)

Triggered memories in the comments:

I'm having a PTSD moment.

When I was in high school, my sister had a pet bunny called Hershey. He would ambush me every morning as I stumbled, half-asleep, blurry-visioned and vulnerable, down the hall to the bathroom to have a pee, and, despite my increasingly frantic and determined evasive maneuvers, he far too often succeeded in locking his little paws around my ankle and lightning-humping one or the other of my bare and defenseless feet, leaving me to start the day feeling violated, defiled, and mildly disturbed, with warm bunny sploo between my toes.

Why didn't you just wear slippers, you might ask. Well, I tried wearing slippers, but found that the shameful effluent was easier to fully rinse from a naked foot than to remove from a fabric or sheepskin slipper. Further, the bunny gunk had a distinctive and lingering odour which I found strident and unpleasant - might merely have been associative, but the aversive quality of the smell was, for me, very real - and I always felt that a phantom whiff of it hovered around even the most scrupulously cleaned slipper, and so many otherwise perfectly good slippers were discarded for a perceived rabbit-jack miasma during that trying time.

To this day, whenever I smell rabbit semen, I am transported back to that dimly-lit hallway and the confusing and stressful period during which I was treated as a masturbation aid by that predatory, conscienceless, nasty little lagomorph.

Posted by Kate at November 14, 2009 12:42 AM
Comments

Next, could they work on one for me?

Posted by: KevinB at November 14, 2009 12:46 AM

Kevin; hopefully your a Male? Don't want to go wild with this!

Posted by: Gunney99 at November 14, 2009 12:58 AM

Researchers create working penises for rabbits from cells

lol lol lol Your certainly in tune Kate with the manic horse race. Of certain insecure Men, for an extended party favor to impress the Ladies.
I hope they all get the Bugs Bunny Special.

Posted by: Revnant Dream at November 14, 2009 1:08 AM

Something tells me that Alvin Toffler didn't see this one "coming", as it were.

Posted by: ∞² at November 14, 2009 1:25 AM

I think the next step is to see if they can extend this technique to growing balls. The fact that Jennifer Lynch is still employed is evidence of a testicular shortage in Ottawa.

Posted by: Sean at November 14, 2009 1:34 AM

KevinB, don't despair. Just reply to a few of those strangely-spelled emails in your inbox, that'll fix you right up.

Oh, wait, did you mean that you wanted a rabbit with an enhanced penis? If that's the case, I apologize. To each his own, not that there's anything wrong with that, etc.

Posted by: PiperPaul at November 14, 2009 2:09 AM

Gunney:

Can't you tell I'm gender neutral?

Posted by: KevinB at November 14, 2009 2:09 AM

Good grief, this is just like Idiocracy

Posted by: Edward Teach at November 14, 2009 2:14 AM

No rabbit shortage on my front lawn.

Posted by: foobert at November 14, 2009 2:45 AM

Which brings us to the question - if we could channel Shirley Maclaine ... would you want to come back as a rabbit or a bat?

http://tinyurl.com/ygza2bq

bat pron is available in the the last line or the article.

Posted by: ∞² at November 14, 2009 3:01 AM

Bugs Bunny is shaking his penis in anger about this.

Posted by: Elmer at November 14, 2009 3:54 AM

Rabbits. Perhaps the good scientists should read this, http://madpadre.blogspot.com/2008/08/peter-rabbit-tank-killer.html.

Posted by: Kimw at November 14, 2009 4:40 AM

I'm having a PTSD moment.

When I was in high school, my sister had a pet bunny called Hershey. He would ambush me every morning as I stumbled, half-asleep, blurry-visioned and vulnerable, down the hall to the bathroom to have a pee, and, despite my increasingly frantic and determined evasive maneuvers, he far too often succeeded in locking his little paws around my ankle and lightning-humping one or the other of my bare and defenseless feet, leaving me to start the day feeling violated, defiled, and mildly disturbed, with warm bunny sploo between my toes.

Why didn't you just wear slippers, you might ask. Well, I tried wearing slippers, but found that the shameful effluent was easier to fully rinse from a naked foot than to remove from a fabric or sheepskin slipper. Further, the bunny gunk had a distinctive and lingering odour which I found strident and unpleasant - might merely have been associative, but the aversive quality of the smell was, for me, very real - and I always felt that a phantom whiff of it hovered around even the most scrupulously cleaned slipper, and so many otherwise perfectly good slippers were discarded for a perceived rabbit-jack miasma during that trying time.

To this day, whenever I smell rabbit semen, I am transported back to that dimly-lit hallway and the confusing and stressful period during which I was treated as a masturbation aid by that predatory, conscienceless, nasty little lagomorph.

Posted by: exetaz at November 14, 2009 4:50 AM

Elmer, that was hilarious.

Posted by: PiperPaul at November 14, 2009 6:11 AM

exetaz, that was disturbing.

Posted by: PiperPaul at November 14, 2009 6:16 AM

Could this eventually lead to that elusive character we refer to on ocassion? The three peckered billy-goat?

Posted by: atric at November 14, 2009 7:10 AM

This is really great news because my rabbit just lost his member last week in a lawnmower accident. I told him to be careful while cutting the lawn.

Posted by: PhilM at November 14, 2009 7:15 AM

They are calling them Jack Rabbits.

Posted by: PistonBroke at November 14, 2009 8:21 AM

Seems to me rabbits are doing just fine with what the good Lord gave them; seems like the Muslims are also doing well. Time for more wee ones, less sex for fun only. (By wee ones, I mean, babies)

Posted by: larben at November 14, 2009 8:50 AM

Think of the possibilities for . . .

Iggy . . . a pair that work

Obamasiah . . . a spine

Layton . . . a second brain cell

Kinsella . . . a vagina (well he is a pussy)

Posted by: Fred at November 14, 2009 9:12 AM

Ahhh, I love the smell of burning bunny rabbits in the morning. Related: the guy in the picture is a great shot: 2 bunnies with one shot!

Posted by: Orlin Bowman at November 14, 2009 9:21 AM

I would bet that this research is being funded by Lesbian groups.

Posted by: Jake at November 14, 2009 9:45 AM

A good way to start the day, with a chuckle.

Surely there cannot be much energy in rabbit corpses. I'm sure that, like other animals, the greater part of their mass is water, so a large energy input would be necessary to boil off the water before the rest of the material could be burned.

Now if they allowed the fluffy bunnies to naturally freeze-dry before pitching them into the furnace, they might have something.

Posted by: gordinkneehill at November 14, 2009 10:06 AM

Wabbit season!!!

Posted by: andycanuck at November 14, 2009 10:08 AM

A boy, mother and father at at the circus. While the father was away the son asked the mother what that "big thing" was hanging from the elephant. The mother said "that's the trunk son". "No mom" said the son, "not that thing". "Oh" said the mom, "I guess you mean the tail". "No mom, not the tail, the other big thing" said the boy. Then the mom, embarrassed said "oh that, that's nothing".

When the dad returned, the boy unsatisfied with his mother's answer asked his father the same question. The father said "well son, that's the trunk" and the pattern resumed, then the father said " that's the tail" to which the son finally said " I know what a tail and a trunk is, I want to know that that other big thing is". Then the father asked "what did your mother say about it?" and the boy said "Mom said it is nothing"; to which the father replied " boy, I've spoiled your mother!"

Posted by: Indiana Homez at November 14, 2009 10:46 AM

Warm Dead Animals. How appropriate.

Posted by: shaken at November 14, 2009 10:49 AM


Is Prince Chucker home yet? Tally Ho!
...-

"British gardeners told: go green, pee outdoors ("pee green" ?)"

http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/archives/012654.html#comments

Posted by: maz2 at November 14, 2009 11:11 AM
They put the cells in 3-D scaffolds shaped like penises ....

So when this gets out to humans and goes beyond therapeutic repair, will guys be able to order and specify the dimensions of the scaffold?

Posted by: MikeM at November 14, 2009 11:27 AM

To this day, whenever I smell rabbit semen, I am transported back to that dimly-lit hallway

Why do you continue to smell rabbit semen. Where do you do this? You need to get help with this.

Posted by: Jake at November 14, 2009 11:41 AM

This just proves what I have suspected for a long time about researchers. Some of them could be better employed building a four lane divided highway along the Arctic circle.

At least Hershey has good taste and in this day and age, the right gender.

Posted by: Ken (Kulak) at November 14, 2009 11:51 AM

"wings for flies" -- about equal in stupidity.
Now, if they could grow new feet, there would be no shortage of lucky rabbit's feet.

Posted by: gobi desert at November 14, 2009 11:55 AM

"Lucky rabbit's feet" is something of an oxymoron, at least for the rabbit...

Posted by: Skip at November 14, 2009 12:07 PM

That's hilarious, exetaz. It's hard to find good deadpan these days.

Posted by: EBD at November 14, 2009 1:02 PM

exetaz - did ya ever try washing yer feet afore ya went to bed?

Posted by: kakola at November 14, 2009 1:28 PM

Wabbit season!!!

Oh dear, is that a troll or challenge?

http://www.macombdaily.com/articles/2009/09/05/news/srv0000006312395.txt

Posted by: PiperPaul at November 14, 2009 1:45 PM

not all animals as mean as bunnies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxa6P73Awcg&feature=popular

Posted by: cal2 at November 14, 2009 2:36 PM

That was so funnily and beautifully written by exetaz. I'm always amazed by the talent out there - which would remain unrecognized and unknown except for blogs!

Posted by: Erik Larsen at November 14, 2009 2:43 PM

Why is the author smelling rabit spunk now? That's just wierd. Kate, that's just a little wierd, if you ask me.

Posted by: TimothyJ at November 14, 2009 2:55 PM

This sounds like a job for that waskally Barney Frank.

Posted by: Jake at November 14, 2009 3:07 PM

wabbit spawn smells like hops...or so i've been told...


and as yeats commented...

'how could those vague terrified foots
push that furry glory from her loosening toes'?

Posted by: john begley at November 14, 2009 3:07 PM

"That was so funnily and beautifully written by exetaz." posted by Erik Larson. I 2nd this sentiment - exetaz, I am thinking if you took the Meyers-Briggs personality assessment that you would likely be deemed an INFP.

Posted by: Well written at November 14, 2009 3:27 PM

Fortunately, we don't have rabbits in Edmonton, only hares (there is a difference). They are very useful in keeping the grass on the U of A campus short, so that the university doesn't have to maintain a herd of goats and thus have to pay to accommodate them in the winter.

Posted by: albertaclipper at November 14, 2009 4:09 PM

"wabbit spawn smells like hops.."
ROFL!! Bunny hops?

'Hare of the dog that spit you...?'
;)

Posted by: DaninVan at November 14, 2009 4:41 PM

Well exetaz that was, as another poster pointed out earlier...disturbing. But really funny and well written. I'm still laughing.

Posted by: Terry Anderson at November 14, 2009 5:13 PM

Think da climatemonger a global threat?
keep an eye out for gangbanging 3peckered radioactive bunnies! Think of the possibilities!!

You're walking home from work like its midnight at 5pm and thinking only of your supper--probably rabbit stew scavenged by your wife-and weirdly you realize from last week that the stew pot is made for boiling corncob 40 ears a time and the meat isnt skimpy it's moosesteak thick with a taste of vibrating concrete and leather. It doesn't really matter cuz your gut holds sway. Your willing to take on Hannibal& his hordes for your supper.
There's a semi-secluded spot a couple doors down surrounded by fruittrees and bushes and that's where they get you. Innocent at first, as you smirk with mild amusement at rabbits hopping all around the sidewalk, tho big they're still rabbits and it's still no concern when they look at you and your mid areas with a glint like spark and even commence to thrusting your legs. A quick boot and thats that. But they don't stop. Pretty soon 15or so are climbing your legs and the pants are ripped. You're still in gut mode and don't realize the ones behind you! In 3or4 minutes it's all over.
Crawling home the last 90ft is torture and ultimate embarassment to face the kids and wifey.


Posted by: bugs at November 14, 2009 7:12 PM

a-clipper:

so that the university doesn't have to maintain a herd of goats

That's really no way to refer to the faculty..

Posted by: KevinB at November 14, 2009 8:11 PM

"To this day, whenever I smell rabbit semen, I am transported back to that dimly-lit hallway and the confusing and stressful period during which I was treated as a masturbation aid by that predatory, conscienceless, nasty little lagomorph."

Now there's a sentence you don't read every day.

Posted by: rabbit at November 14, 2009 8:33 PM

"When I was in high school, my sister had a pet bunny called Hershey. He would ambush me every morning as I stumbled, half-asleep, blurry-visioned and vulnerable, down the hall to the bathroom to have a pee, and, despite my increasingly frantic and determined evasive maneuvers, he far too often succeeded in locking his little paws around my ankle and lightning-humping one or the other of my bare and defenseless feet, leaving me to start the day feeling violated, defiled, and mildly disturbed, with warm bunny sploo between my toes.?

Who says footballs need only be made of pigskin?

Posted by: Edward Teach at November 14, 2009 8:35 PM

Now I feel Cheap running down the best Bunny that ever lived. Bugs Bunny.
My apologies to all offended.
The HRC doesn't need to hear about this does it?
I would not like to be labeled with cuniculusphobia.

If this sounds hare brained just think of people willing to send a 5 year old to reform school for showing a cub scout knife.

exetaz

Disturbing . Sure. Funny as hell? You bet. Hilarious story. I used to have a dog named Tripper(1975). Who for some odd reason would piss on the leg of anyone I disliked. The mystery was? How did the dog know? I miss that animal fiercely.
JMO

Posted by: Revnant Dream at November 14, 2009 8:48 PM

rabbit @8:33 - really, haven't you done enough?

Posted by: Black Mamba at November 14, 2009 8:53 PM

I think someone needs to explain rabbit cycles to these people, before they waste too much time and money.

When I was a very young boy, we had a few tame rabbits. They mostly stayed in the yard, but weren't penned in. We had a big tomcat, and my brothers used to put rum in his milk. I didn't know at the time, but he'd try to breed the rabbits, after having a few too many. One day, a big buck rabbit had enough of him, and landed a running dropkick with both hind feet, right in that tomcat's ribs. The cat rolled about 10 feet, and didn't even offer a counter attack. I guess that particular rabbit didn't need any help with his manhood.

Posted by: dp at November 14, 2009 10:12 PM

I've never trusted rabbits after seeing Watership Down.
Vicious little blighters.

Posted by: Oz at November 14, 2009 10:44 PM

Oz -
Tell them to "silflay hraka". It works.

I am still wondering about the circumstances under which exetaz experiences the smell of rabbit semen. I can not recall ever having had the, um, pleasure.

Posted by: Halfwise at November 14, 2009 11:29 PM

vff thread. God bless all of you for your silly, outrageous, irresponsible and crazy comments.

exetaz - hope to see more of you around these parts

Posted by: jlc at November 15, 2009 3:38 AM

I am still wondering about the circumstances under which exetaz experiences the smell of rabbit semen.
I can not recall ever having had the, um, pleasure.

Perhaps when she (I assume) holds them to her chest,
and tenderly looks into their eyes.

Posted by: Bunny Love at November 15, 2009 12:03 PM

I'd say this research lab needs a catchy slogan. Something like, "The buck starts here"...

Posted by: ebt at November 15, 2009 4:28 PM
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