In response to Iranian anger over the depiction of Persians in the movie version of the battle of Thermopylae, Jules Crittenden floats alternate plot scenerios to help "extoll the virtues of Iranian culture and its achievements."
“Chadorezade” … a clever Persian girl figures out how to beguile a blood-thirsty misogynist Persian mullah who likes to bed virgins and execute them.
"Brokeback Fatwa"
"Ahmednegeddon"
"Throw Israel From The Train"
"Indiana Jones & IN THE NAME OF ALLAH WE SHALL AVENGE THE LAST CRUSADE. Peace be upon you."
Comments are open for your own creative efforts.
Related - Aparently, not all Persian cultural customs are equally embraced.
Update John Hawkins' commentors at Right Wing News are now in on the fun.
"The Hitchhikers Guide To Smuggling Arms Into Iraq"
Update 2 - Honourable Mentions in the comments;
"Katushka-Rocket Man"
"Last Tango in Tehran"
"Dances with 72 Virgins"
"Honey, I Blew up the Kids"
"The Cursed Sound of Western Music"
"An Infidel Named Desire"
"Blazing Sandals"
"Full Metal Sucide Vest"
"4 beheadings and a funeral."
"The Burka Monologues"
"Laser Guided Missile Fight at the Tehran Corral."
"101 Damnations"
"The CAIR Bitch Project"
"Planet of the Apes and Pigs"
"Romancing the Stoning"
"Citizen Caned"
"Beheadin' 2: Electric Boogaloo"
"Eyes Wired Shut"
"It’s a Wonderful Strife"
"One jew over the cookoo's nest"
" Close Encounter Of The Kurd Kind"
"The Devil Wears Burqa"
"Fission:Impossible"
"Seventy Two Brides for Severed Brothers"
"Jewmanji"
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Not being creative how about "Dumb and Dumber"
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 12:40 AM"The World's Fastest Jihad"
www.worldsfastestindian.com
BTW: It's a good movie.
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 12:48 AMThe Virgin Suicides-Bomber.
Katushka-Rocket Man.
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle to behead the Infadels.
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 12:50 AMGone With the Detonation of My Suicide Belt
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 12:54 AMDhimmi Does Damascus
Posted by: andycanuck at March 14, 2007 12:56 AMDeath to Smoochy the infadel
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 12:56 AM(That's Syrian. Sorry.)
Posted by: andycanuck at March 14, 2007 12:57 AMFatwa Gump
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:00 AMAction film : Israel must Die (Romeo must Die)
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:01 AMDr. Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:04 AMPlanes, Trains and Automobiles...exploding
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:06 AMOh I dunno...Jihad For Eurabia? Or
Slaughter of the Lambs
Suicide is Painful (Theme from S*M*A*S*H)
In the Name of the Prophet
Oh Allah You Devil
The God Must Be Crazy
Are You There Allah? It's Me, Mohammed.
Slain Man
Dr. Strangeobsession Or: How I learned To Stop worrying and Love Martyrdom.
Sand DUNE
Aliens (Living in Dearborn, MI)
Pride & Prejudice & Arrogance & Foolishness & Folly & Hate & Futility...
_____________________________
And a couple that don't need any updates at all:
The Killing Fields
Apocalypse Now
The French Connection
The Fatwa Candidate
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:06 AMA Fist Full of Nukes
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:07 AMThe Outlaw Joooocey Wales
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:12 AMA Nutbar Named Ahmadinejad
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:12 AM"One Blew Up Over The Mullah's Nest"
Ahmadinejad
Ahmadinejad II
Ahmadinejad III
Ahmadinejad IV
Ahmadinejad V
I just saw it.
The first ra ra fighting for freedom movie made since WW2, I think.
(oops forgot Brave Heart, are there any others?)
No moral relativism, no doubts that they are right and no regrets that even if they all die, they have still done the right thing.
Back on topic:
Chicken Run
Psycho
Xerxes the Barbarian
How Mahmoud Got His Groove Back
Last Tango in Tehran
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Crying Game
Bananas
Once Were Couriers
Secrets and Lies
Up in Smoke
What Planet Are You From?
The World Is Not Enough
My Beautiful Nuclearette
Jihad Of The Nerds
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:18 AMNuke Age - instead of the squirrel chasing an acorn, ahmejinedad chasing a nuke.
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 1:22 AMShe’s the Iman
Rags of Our Fathers
My Super Exploded Girlfriend
An Inconvenient Fatwa
Mullah of the Year
Saw 398,512
Abdul the Gable Guy:
Burkha Inspector
Dhimini Vice
Posted by: Bernie at March 14, 2007 1:25 AMAhmadinejadnocchio
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:35 AMLast of the Jihadists
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:37 AMDances with 72 Virgins
Posted by: ural at March 14, 2007 1:38 AMBernie said:"Rags of our Fathers"
LOL!
lol - very funny entries
Killing Private Ryan
Honey, I Blew up the Kids (okay, very bad taste on that one)
The Cursed Sound of Western Music
Fatwa-Man (Batman)
Men in Black Rags
Jihad 2 and a half (starring Leslie Neilson)
Stephen King's Jihad Starter
Allahzilla
An Infidel Named Desire
Sleepless in my Spiderhole (starring the late Saddam Hussein)
SpiderholeMan
300 Motels
300 Angry Men
Quds
It's a Maad, Maad, Maad, Maad, World
Ahmadinejad! Get Shorty
All the President's Mujahadeen
Goshtbusters
Young Fatwastein
Dial N for Naqba
Citizen Khameini
Blazing Sandals
Teheranspotting
Mahmoud Python and the Holy Ghraib
The Great Dictator
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Fellowship of the Fatwa
Lord of Jihad
Full Metal Sucide Vest
The good, The Bad, The Unholy
A Jihadi Mind
Dead Men don't Wear Bhurkas
Ace Ventura: When Allah Calls
My Big Fat Islamic Jihad
Four Bombings and a Beheading
The Ahmadinejadville Horror
The Iranian Who Went Up a Hill and Came Down a Mullah
From Iran With Hate
The Milagro Beanfield Jihad
Casualties of Jihad
The Last Temptation of Mohammed
This is priceless... Iran's complaining about a mere movie is making them a laughingstock.
At least Mohammed didn't appear in the movie... too bad!
Posted by: Canadian Sentinel at March 14, 2007 6:22 AMMe,Myself,and Iran
Posted by: Rob at March 14, 2007 6:31 AMI was going to single out a few as "my favorite" but all have won and all shall have prizes! Good stuff, folks.
(This in no way endorses current trends in education which downplay competition.)
Apocalypse Now
Rats, that's already been taken - sorry for the repetition
Posted by: Wimpy Canadian at March 14, 2007 8:53 AMDebbie Doesn't Ahmadinejad?
Posted by: c.j.g. at March 14, 2007 8:55 AMThe Iran Syndrome
Posted by: the bear at March 14, 2007 9:01 AMDon't forget that old classic!
To Beat Or Not To Beat:
Posted by: Shakey Will at March 14, 2007 9:26 AMI hate o break it to all of you... but that movie took place LONG before Islam was established. You idiots making jokes about jihad and suicide bombers are just about as ignorant as Americans who beat up and spit on Sikhs after 9/11. Persian != Islamic.
Posted by: Ummmmm..... at March 14, 2007 9:30 AMSo I Married a Suicide Bomber
Jihad Times at Ridgemont High
The non-infidel Hitchhiker's Guide to Western Civilization
Boom (instead of 'Click')
One for the kiddies,
Jihad Joe
The marketing possiblities are endless. The Jihad Joe doll ( 72 virgins sold seperately)
Posted by: Rene at March 14, 2007 10:16 AMMy big fat greek infedel.
4 beheadings and a funeral.
Last Toyota in Paris.
Re. my suggestion above: on second thought, change the last one to:
The Last Indulgence of Mohammed
There- that's more accurate for ol' Mo than "temptation".
Posted by: The Canadian Sentinel at March 14, 2007 11:09 AM*
I'm thinking, with Madman Ahmadinejad driving the nuclear train
straight towards Paradise, it isn't ancient Persian culture they should
be worried about.
If I was an Iranian egghead, with even a smidgen of history under
my belt, I'd be more concerned about what's gonna hit the fan in
the very near future.
*
Posted by: neo at March 14, 2007 11:27 AMIranos
Posted by: Aaron at March 14, 2007 11:29 AMThe Burka Monologues.
Hey, hey we're the Muslims.
Let's Mecca deal!
Looking for Mr. Allah Akbar.
Posted by: irwin daisy at March 14, 2007 11:38 AMWith respect, Kate, this topic is and the comments are distasteful...moderately funny, but distasteful. I am not comfortable with allowing this to proceed without expressing my objection.
Having said that, of course, Iran's objections are ludicrous and worthy of scorn and ridicule.
Posted by: Eeyore at March 14, 2007 11:42 AMPretty Beheaded Woman
Blowing Up Trains, Planes and Automobiles
Uncle Bucked Off a Camel
"Iran's objections are ludicrous and worthy of scorn and ridicule."
A very good tactic in helping them defeat themselves.
Wait for the protests, the trampling, the "Death to America" "Death to democracy" "Death to free speech" Oh, and "Death to Historical Facts."
It's a wonder they haven't figured out that it's all a gigantic Hollywood Jewish Gay conspiracy yet.
Posted by: irwin daisy at March 14, 2007 11:56 AMEeyore: I saw the same theme at an Arab blog a few months ago and they were thoroughly enjoying themselves.
Back to the Fatwa.
Posted by: greenmamba at March 14, 2007 11:57 AMGeorge does Tehran.
Gone with the Nuke.
Last Imam of Islam.
Laser Guided Missile Fight at the Tehran Corral.
Last Jihad in Tehran.
Ahmadinejadjuice.
Who shot the Imam.
The Nutty Imam.
Stomp the Imam.
Suicide Bombs for Dummies.
Running with Suicide Vests.
This could go on forever.
Posted by: dwo at March 14, 2007 12:09 PMThe Devil Wears a Burqua
Sisterhood of the Travelling Suicide Vest
Pee Wee Ahmadinejad's Big Adventure
The Infidel Seven - this is about ridding an Afghani village of Taliban
Posted by: Aaron at March 14, 2007 1:05 PMHow about just a movie about the sacking of Constantinople? That would sure meet Hollywood's standard for blood, seemingly endless violence, sex (forced with young children) and showing Islam as the victor.
Calling Sean Penn.....
Posted by: Doug at March 14, 2007 1:12 PM72 Brides for 1 Bomber
Posted by: greenmamba at March 14, 2007 1:14 PMDude, Where's My Country?
CindersAllah
101 Damnations
Schindlers Last
Ali Babba And They're all Thieves
GoofyFellas
Bombed On The 4th Of July
Meatballs
Pulease Hackadamy
Deliver us
Ya Ya Sisters with Hoods
From Beard To Eternity
Posted by: richfisher at March 14, 2007 2:01 PMWeekend at Burny's
Posted by: richfisher at March 14, 2007 2:07 PM"Exodust"
"Burqua and the Beast"
"Ka-bambi"
"To Kill a Mocking Infidel"
Throw Mahmoud From The Train
Gone With The Shockwave
Inside Sheika
The Dhimmi in Miss Jones
Brainwashing Rita
Blame it on Momo
"Casabeheadya"
"The CAIR Bitch Project"
"The Flogged Couple"
"Bob and Ted and Carole and bits of Alice"
Posted by: shaken at March 14, 2007 2:35 PMMy Kafair Lady
The Sound of Muezzin
Mahmoud Poppins
They Died with their Belts On
The Magnificent Seventy
Honey, I Blew Up the Kids
The Ayatollah and I
For a few Virgins More
An Inconvenient Verse
"Planet of the Apes and Pigs"
Posted by: shaken at March 14, 2007 3:25 PMThe Zionist Hunter
Mr. Ahmadinejad Goes to the UN
Cool Hand Mohammed
Tehran Confidential
The Magnificent Jihadists
Planet of the Christian and Jewish Apes
The Day After Pt.2- Iran Gets A Nuke
Romancing the Stoning
"Finding Private Ryan Over Here, and Over There, and Some More Over There"
"Fragments of Our Fathers"
Posted by: shaken at March 14, 2007 3:33 PMMulla Max
Jihad Warrior
Mulla Max Beyond the Thunderdome
Ahead to the Past (instead of "Back to the Future")
Pilots of the Carry-on-bomb "The Curse of the Black IED"
Pilots of the Carry-on-bomb "Bombs strapped to a Dead Man's Chest"
We should morph this into music.
Say...Lucy in the sky with shrapnel.
Posted by: multirec at March 14, 2007 4:01 PMWhen Harry Met a Goat
Shaving Privates Than Dieing
2001- A 7th Century Odyssey
Ali PBUH
The Horse Whisperer, of Sweet Nothings
Posted by: richfisher at March 14, 2007 4:07 PMThree Jews and a Bomb
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 4:27 PM"When Harry Beat Sally"
Posted by: shaken at March 14, 2007 4:38 PMMe, myself and a camel
Posted by: Aaron at March 14, 2007 4:51 PMThe Outlawed Jewsy Walenstein
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 4:52 PM'Tehran chainsaw massacre'
I can't stop now, have verbal diarrhea, sorry!
Posted by: Aaron at March 14, 2007 4:53 PMI River of Blood Runs Through It
Sheepless In Shite Al
KillHoser (KillDozer)
Ice Age: The Nuclear Meltdown of Israel
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 5:03 PMThere's Something about Aisha
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 5:09 PMSixteen Camels
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 5:15 PMAli Ventura: Jew Detective
Posted by: Lydia at March 14, 2007 5:18 PMPound Sand.
Posted by: Ishtar at March 14, 2007 6:03 PM"Jewriddance Park"
Posted by: shaken at March 14, 2007 6:06 PMVery Monty pythonish black humour. In that spirit -
my suggestions:
Who's afraid of Paul Wolfowitz?
Days of Wine and poppies
Amira get your uzzie
A martyr for all Seasons
Guess who's not coming to dinner
Mullahs, Inc.
Posted by: Colin at March 14, 2007 9:22 PMJackass! The Muslims!
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 10:28 PMLow-tolerance of Arabia
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 10:33 PMPulpe Cruxifiction
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 10:40 PMEternal Hindgrind of the Jihadi Behind
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 11:01 PMFrom the real CANADIAN Sarge
The complete Islamic James Bond series:
Dr. Shari’a
From Mecca With Love
Sunnifinger
Shiiteball
You Only Shiite Twice
On Allah's Secret Service
Diamonds Are Dhimmi
Die and Let Die
The Man with the Golden Qur’an
The Spy Who Beheaded Me
Beheadraker
For Your Surah Only
OctoProphet
A Jew to a Kill
The Living Suicide Bomber
Licence to Jihad
GoldenMosque
Tomorrow Always Dies
The Caliphate is Not Enough
Honour Kill Another Day
Chechnya Royale
and the unofficial Bond film:
Never Say Allah-Akbar Again
All Koran on the Western Front
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 11:07 PMThe Iraqi Whores They Wished They Know
Posted by: Slinger at March 14, 2007 11:23 PMBurka, vest and two smoking detonators
Posted by: Aaron at March 15, 2007 8:57 AMI watched 300 last night. Never noticed any disrespect towards the Persians. The facts they got a bit wrong, but this is still a good kids' movie in the 70's 'comics' style. Iran leaders are suffering from another Mohammad cartoon syndrome...
Posted by: Aaron at March 15, 2007 9:01 AMMy favourite martyr
Jew fiddling on the roof
Start Wars
Bombing at Tiffany's
Three men and a goat with diapers
Posted by: irwin daisy at March 15, 2007 10:46 AMTo catch and cutoff the hands of a thief
Valley of the whores
The defiled, defiled west
Posted by: irwin daisy at March 15, 2007 10:56 AMLord of the suicide vests
Posted by: Aaron at March 15, 2007 11:23 AMIrwin - quite funny
- along the 'Start Wars' theme
The Western Menace
Attack of the Unmanned Drones
Revenge of the Simple
Start Wars: A New Fatwa
The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back
Return of the Jihadi
There's Something about Marrying a 9 year old
Sudden Dhim-PACT
Its a wonderful afterlife
The Dukes of Hashtpar
The Blew-up Brothers
Up in Smoke... shaped mushroom cloud
Pet Cemetary NO DOGS NO PIGS !!!
Posted by: richfisher at March 15, 2007 9:15 PMThe series LOTSV actually have three episodes:
1. The fellowship of the suicide vest
2. Two mosques
3. Return of the hidden imam
Pakistan By Me
Posted by: D-Vega at March 16, 2007 4:57 PMCinder-Allah Man
Posted by: D-Vega at March 16, 2007 4:58 PMSadr Day/Night Fever
Posted by: D-Vega at March 16, 2007 4:58 PM