29 Replies to “I, For One, Welcome Our New Self-Driving Overlords”

  1. When you put Malthusian true believers in charge of your “self driving” software development… By any means necessary, right? The human population has to be reduced to save the planet, after all. And you drawing the short straw, is better than one of them…

    1. Perhaps not so much Malthusian as utterly incompetent. Bear in mind it is not the likes of Dan Gurney and Jackie Stewart designing the software, but Silicon Valley millennials whose main driving experience is sitting in the back of an Uber and playing video games.

  2. Control system, driver interface, hmmmm. Language that should not have anything to do with a CAR.

  3. CNBC news is reporting this morning that Tesla has signed an agreement, for a $1.billion loan from Chinese banks, to build a Tesla factory in China. One wonders how that will turn out.

    1. Every Tesla on the road will beam back data to the Chinese government and runover people identified as unfavorable to the Chinese regime.

  4. Who the hell would be dumb enough to get into a Tesla Uber ‘driven’ by a new Canadian fresh off the Serengeti or straight out of Lagos or Karachi?
    UnMe, that’s who.

  5. I see nothing wrong here. It’s just a new and exciting feature. Lady wants to visit the jewelry store. Just punch in the address and Tesla not only drives you there, but takes you right inside. No need to bother with opening any pesky doors. Your tesla takes care of that for you!

    1. Kinda like a JDAM, minus the warhead…
      But of course, with the new Chinese ones, that won’t be a “bug”, but a “feature”.

  6. nooooo no no no no.
    ’tis merely part of the automatic door opening feature.
    all depends which door . . . . . .

    today’s skill testing Q:
    in what ways does loyalty to the tesla mindset resemble that towards communism?

  7. We had a ’96 Grand Am that would do this when it got down to -45 / -50. The engine would all of a sudden rev to about 3500/4000 rpm. All I could do to fix it was shut the car off, would usually be fine when restarted right away. Was especially exciting when coming to a stop light.

    Fly by wire is a bad idea.

    1. I agree.

      as far as I know ALL devices that rely on a computers have occasional bugs

      some are harmless, I mean if my word office 2010 suddenly decides to change the font I’m typing with, no one dies, but it is still an unpredictable bug

      or there was that fridge my mother bought, it would randomly warn us the door was open when it was closed, no one was harmed, but still it was an unpredictable bug

      but when you let those unreliable computers in charge of your car in charge of your life, you are pretty much playing roulette russe

      and add to that hackers…someone can remotely tell your car to do something that will kill you

      aren’t computers marvelous things ?

      to be fair computers are great in some applications, but in other applications they are a nuisance, they can be lethal

      1. When my ’71 Dart wouldn’t start I could jam a screwdriver in the choke and she would go every time…not sure how I’d do that trick on our Nissan XD

        I also think all this technology is dumbing down drivers. For example I’m forever seeing cars driving around at night with no headlights on. Their forward running lights are on, but this means no tail lights until they brake. Why? The dash is lit up so the assumption is made that headlights are automatically coming on. Used to be you couldn’t read your instruments if it was dark out and your headlights are on….dumb and dangerous – especially on the highway.

    2. Bad or broken motor mount. Engine torque is twisting locking mechanical throttle linkage open. 96 grand am.

  8. Maybe the ChiComs or FBI were jamming the GPS signals. OK, that may be paranoia, it could just be some kid on a PC in Bangalore hacking the Tesla’s control systems ?

  9. is there a list somewhere, I mean a list of all the weird accidents Tesla cars have been involved in?

    some catch fire for no reason, some don t apply the brake when traffic in front is stopped, that one above accelerated trough a store window

    there has to be a list somewhere

    1. Goes to show…the # of Morons on the planet willing to Invest in a laptop on wheels. Reminds me of an old JOKE from around 2003 or so:

      At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated “if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

      In response to Bill’s comments, GM issued the following press release:

      If GM developed technology like Microsoft, we’d ALL be driving cars with the following characteristics –

      1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

      2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

      3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You’d have to pull over to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

      4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

      5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “car NT”, but then you would have to buy more “seats”.

      6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would only run on five percent of the roads.

      7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” warning light.

      10. The airbag system would ask “are you sure?” before deploying.

      11. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

      12. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

      13. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

      14. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

      Earily prescient….

  10. What might prove to be the death of Tesla is if someone suing them for negligence in the death of a loved one gets access to millions of company emails, gleans it for dirt, and finds merely a few with inconsiderate suggestions. That’s how America will destroy itself. Why do owners of major corporations allow email? The standard for written communication should be the ability to withstand publication on the front page of a major newspaper.

  11. I’ve seen some suggest the autopilots are confused by the plate glass windows. Whatever the reason, there sure are a lot of Teslas driving into commercial storefronts lately.

  12. My guess? The Tesla owner profile is pretty close to that of the Audi 5000 back when they were driving into stores. My fav comment back then. Mike Wallace to “victim” of sudden acceleration “So it’s not possible you pressed the throttle instead of the brake”. “Victim” “Mike I’m a lawyer”. Guessing same mindset. Couldn’t be my fault, I’m credentialed.