Sometimes the answer is right under our noses:
Here’s a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at airports.
Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.
It would be a win-win situation for everyone and would eliminate this crap about racial profiling. This method would also obviate the need for a long and expensive trial. Justice would be swift and quick.
This elegant solution would also benefit people flying standby:
I can just see it now: You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement comes over the PA system, “Attention standby passengers, we now have a seat available on flight number….”
The smarter solution would be to do what the Israelis do and stop the terrorists before they get past security.
But I guess that’s just too cerebral for some.
Yeah, well, we’re not allowed to profile here, Osumashi.
My solution to airport security works as follows: everyone wishing to board has to eat a ham sandwich or drink a glass of wine. (Or both if you prefer your wine with a meal). Members of the Jewish faith can drink kosher wine. Everyone else has to go through security checks up the kazoo.
Cheers
EBD, I like that one,I really do!
“This elegant solution would also benefit people flying standby”
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant…
Makes way too much sense as far as the flight is concerned. It makes standing in line, waiting to be ‘scanned’ more eventful, since the ‘bang’ will be pre-flight. I would do my own profiling before cuing up and taking my turn, second thought, screw it , I’m getting a pilots license.
Speaking of muffled explosions…
Actually; I’m a bit envious that I didn’t think of this first.
Mmm, Ken, Jews don’t eat ham sandwiches, either.
Many explosives can only be set off by a detonator that produces a strong shock wave. Once its known that you plan on strapping dozens of blasting caps over every inch of the passengers bodies, you may find it difficult to find paying customers.
dp, Ken suggested that everyone wishing to board would have to either eat a ham sandwich *or* a drink a glass of wine.
Speaking personally, it would be nice to have the option of doing both.
Why do you hate BLT’s?
*
i dub thee… “occam’s incinerator”.
*
“Hello, I’ll take any available pinot noir and a Thuringer / cheddar on medium rye for a window seat please, are the olives all taken?”
That was funny.
An image of these little booths – containing and safely exploding terrorists – as streams of people exiting these booths intact and unfazed, go about their normal air travel plans.
All happening with the ‘stiff upper lip’ delivery style that’s worthy of a Monty Python skit.
Finally some common sense.
That all assumes that a dedicated vest-i-tarian wouldn’t take one for the team by downing a tumbler of plonk. By all accounts, the 9/11 assassins got pretty un-holy the night before.
NEVER underestimate a fanatic.
It also assumes that a terrorist would resort to explosives rather than perhaps a biological or chemical weapon (eg. the Japanese subway Sarin attacks… http://www.cfr.org/publication/9238/ )
Flash of genius!
“muffled explosion”
The Sound Of Settled Terrorism.
Don’t forget to have all their luggage with them as well.
Any hesitation?
Pull’em aside.
Or better yet, just push’em in..
EBD, the prissy children @ youtube banned the video. Any chance it’s on liveleak or vimeo?
Yeah funny, but not really. All the invasive procedures are a HUGE win for the terrorists. They laugh as we walk barefoot through screening booths and carefully sort and re-sort our 3 oz. possessions during travel. The infidels are now doing implants and would like to humiliate the west even further by having more mandated internal searches of bodies at airports.
I’d rather take my chances and have my personal liberty. Air travel now sucks; time to roll back or get very serious about profiling.
Genius, seriously.
But L is right. All Muslims have to start doing is blowing up the airport rather than the plane. They’d kill more people anyhow.
Muslim-only airlines.
Great idea. And let’s shoot people trying to force open security doors.
What if you only have a machete?
Both EBD’s post, and Ken’s idea are excellent.
L you are right, we have lost our personal liberty, and the reason is because the government is too afraid to do the right thing.
What a mad word when the terrorists try to deprive us of liberty, and the government helps seal the deal
It is not hard to understand why the tea party movement in the US continues to gain momentum.
How ’bout: every seatback pouch contains a loaded single shot .22 pistol? A few minor details to work out and the rare “oops” would be more tolerable than the “terrorists win” system we have now.
Funny idea but I wouldn’t work. Terrorists would simply board in pairs or more – each with a non-detonable part of a bomb that they would reassemble once aloft.
My question is: when options were being seriously discussed was this one of them?
Heard about this about 1 month ago – loved the idea – on a similar note, my brother who lost his lower legs to diabetes symptoms was given an incredibly hard time boarding a plane for March break, until he cheerfully unstrapped his artificial legs for all to see – was a bit shaming for the $ 10/hour security personnel! Ha!Ha!
I love it. This one’s been circulating via email for a month or so. Nice to see it reach the blogosphere.
Perhaps a better solution would be to mandate that all aircraft seats be upholstered with pig skin?
Not a new idea…
I recall it being proposed back in the 1980s in a science fiction story…Can’t recall the author or the story though…
Hey we talked about the ‘Louisville Slugger’ (baseball bat) model of airplane security right after 9/11. A bin of bats on the jetway just before you get on the plane. Pick up and return to a similar bin on the other end of the flight. Great in close weapon and not too much power that any of your fellow passengers can’t take you out if need be. Hey just be polite and don’t piss of your neighbors. “An armed society is a polite society”
Dumbguy
Not so dumb..
The best solution is usually extremely simple.
Some suggested issuing everyone 9mm autos with frangeable bullets….the deterent factor would be enormous….the casualties reasonable….
Would I still get the 72 virgins?
The simple solution is just to have everyone travel nude.
Ken, your “ham sandwich” solution doesn’t hold water (or wine) mainly because true terrorists believe that anything they have to do in order to carry out their mission is okay. Remember, the 9/11 dudes partied at strip clubs and imbibed before they carried out their deed.
Besides, in the name of economics the airlines would be serving Thunderbird or Ruby Rouge. I wouldn’t (couldn’t) even drink it.
Wait till we get the government sanctioned sphincter search incorporated.
Just like drug mules swallowing condoms filled with drugs, terrorists will swallow explosives and then go to the washroom in flight.
Gives new meaning to ‘the big bang’ theory.
Well, such a device would also have an effect on implanted
pain pumps
defibrillators
pace makers
And if exceptions are made for these, then terrorists will have such documentation for exceptions.