Not Waiting For The Asteroid

the real crime? it wasn't really that funny or original. Imagine what Lileks or Iowahawk or Paul Shanklin could do with the material.

Oh I forgot, they're 'crazy right wingers who didn't go to journalism school' so, never mind...

Uhm...errrr...ahhhh....ohhhh...hmmmm..

We have officially lost our collective minds and sense of humour. Proof that Darwin was wrong once again.

Like I told my sister this morning when she called me at work and asked me what I was doing.."I am building a space ship so I can get off this insane planet"

wooo hooo hoooo hooo

I am not surprised that the left is picking on Santa as a bad role model. It is proof that these idiot still believe in Santa. Even more proof is that they elected Santa Obama didn't they?

His mistake was lampooning jolly old Saint Nick instead of the Christ Child.

If he had instead gone after the family of famous Nazarenes for laughs he would have, no doubt, been OK.

After all, Christmas is all about the children isn't it?

Of course the tip off was the fact that the study came from Austrailia which is closer to the "True South" rather than the "True North" Strong and Free!

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about. .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship not the monarch!).

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion -
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

I'm sticking with St. Nicolaas of Myra, and a gold coin for your thoughts and prayers for sailors and children.

Christmas Cheers

Hans-Christian Georg Rupprecht, Commander in Chief

1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”

As we were taught in our catechism classes many years ago 'Santa is everywhere' (pace Father Guido Sarducci). This explains his ability to service the millions of children simultaneously. :-)

Proof we have all lost our sense of humour....in the USA a black detective pulls his gun on a crowd for hitting his Hummer with a snowball. Police chief says this is not behaviour consistent with the local police dept. A SNOWBALL!!!!

Ah but alberta clipper don't be too despondent there are good things that come from the memory of St. Nicolaas of Myra...

Unlike the "Hope 'n Whoring" debacle Copenhagen is also home to the World Santa Claus Congress 2009

http://www.demotix.com/news/world-santa-claus-congress-2009

So it would appear St. Nicolaas has a few 'helpers'.

Christmas Cheers

Hans-Christian Georg Rupprecht, Commander in Chief

1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”

they reported without reading....THE ARTICLE....so wots new!!!!!

Hans obviously Rudolph's red nose is not a twisty bulb.

Speedy:

ROLFLMAO, yes I think mercury vapour is a bio-hazard to Reindeer, which would trigger a cruelty to animals charge and a visit by the haz-mat guys.

Donner and Blitzen can always be counted on to help light up the sky... :)

Christmas Cheers

Hans-Christian Georg Rupprecht, Commander in Chief

1st Saint Nicolaas Army
Army Group “True North”

Has it not occurred to anyone that as you approach the speed of light time slows.

Einstein was forever trying to educate folks that human perception of time is very narrow. Much remains a mystery and shall forever be so.

"Proof we have all lost our sense of humour....in the USA a black detective pulls his gun on a crowd for hitting his Hummer with a snowball. Police chief says this is not behaviour consistent with the local police dept. A SNOWBALL!!!!

Posted by: Rick Rae at December 21, 2009 3:34 PM "

Uhhhhhhh....damn...so I should call the Edmonton cops out tonight when the kids across the street are playing road hockey??So where do I hide my hockey stick when the cops show up??

and don't forget the song....

'i saw mommy kissing Santa Claus"...

the dirty old philandering fool....does he ever REALLY think of the children ?

Oh my God!!!! The children!!!! they're dropping like fly's!!!!!!

The really sad thing is that this study was not yet within the "you have to be kidding" range for all those who reported this. This show just how many really stupid studies are released everyday, that when one that is meant to be a joke gets released it just blends in with the ones that are jokes by mistake.

I think the main reason the MSM latched onto this as a serious report is because of the word Santa which carries Christian connotations. They have already vilified Jesus Christ and Christmas the next in line is Santa Claus. So when it comes to the Left be careful. Today's joke is tomorrows serious business.

Progressives and the far-left do not like Christmas because it promotes kindness, sharing, the birth of Christ, traditional family values and decency.

That's why the liberal media have portrayed me as a pariah or unfit role model. What utter nonsense.

Have a Merry Christmas and you have my permission to disregard everything you see in the MSM.

Heh heh Dino takes himself far too seriously to survive in an era of electronic iconoclasm.

related:

http://www.thehilltimes.ca/page/view/backrooms-12-21-2009

Now playing forever: the internet's increasing role as a major player in politics
Until they master the medium, the parties' operatives might be wise to use the internet only to promote their messages rather than attack their opponents.
By ANGELO PERSICHILLI
Published December 21, 2009

View story Email Comments To the Editor

TORONTO—The internet is becoming a big player in Canadian political life and its role will only grow in the future.

However, while the use of this technology has increased the involvement of individuals in the debate, official organizations seem to have some difficulties in promoting their message through this technology.

There is no doubt that people are losing interest in conventional media and are exploring other means of communications not just to stay informed, but also to get directly involved.

Dear Santa
I've noted in the post of Hans Rupprecht @ 3:27, that you are able to perform tasks at incredible speeds. That boggles the mind.
I would suspect, however, that this would leave Mrs. Claus somewhat frustrated.
How well do you know your elves, and do you think you can trust them when you embark on your annual expedition? They're devious little fellows.

Perhaps an even worse role model is a lame duck president who receives accolades he doesn't deserve.
Really- picking on a fictional character's massive girth (God forbid we venerate the Christ-Child or Saint Nicholas)? If someone is so concerned about fat children, get them to exercise and yell at their parents when they stuff junk food down their throats.
Merry Christmas, everyone.

...official organizations seem to have some difficulties in promoting their message through this technology.
~allan

The difficulty begins and ends when the "message" official organizations are promoting is a lie.
On the intertubes we have long ago learned how to fact check their @$$ with a couple of clicks and the blogs are filled with non-government affiliated experts in any field in existence ready to analyse the "official message" and cry BS when the situation warrants.

Santa Kills Children

Makes a good headline. Run with it.

Works for them.

Oz @ 3:25...you beat me to it.

He will be wondering a long time, Most can barely read.
Nope its because you happen to live in a Ne-Puritan age of Temperance engineered by agnostics & secular visionaries.
Its called relativism where you cannot offend anyone. No not one except Government approved objects of mockery.
In this World humor is a dangerous form of reactionary propaganda. So all humor must stop. Malicious or evil laughter not applicable.
When Government is God, all joy must cease.
They have no time for frivolities, being the great ones they are.
JMO