Lighter Fare

Reader Tips 48 Comments

My Kingdom for a camera!

Look, up in the sky. It’s a bird, it’s a plane! No! It’s Separatist Chicken, and it’s after Prime Minister Paul Martin.
When Martin arrived at a Christmas reception Thursday at a restaurant in Gatineau, Que., he was greeted by a fowl sight – someone dressed as a chicken. The chicken held up a sign in French that read “Martin – debate,” an obvious shot at Martin’s refusal to debate Bloc Quebecois Leader Gilles Duceppe on federalism.

Thanks to “Ottawa Core”, we have the evidence!
Kathy Shaidle has a few words for five new readers.
J. Kelly Nestruck’s Actual Conversation With An Intelligent Torontonian who Lives in Cabbagetown This Evening.. I think he’s being generous.
This is a guy I could grow to like.
And from the comments, “steve” has the quote of the day;

“Layton, Harper and Duceppe have become so close they’re thinking of making a cowboy movie together.”

With Christmas approaching, I’d like to lighten things up. If you have other items of “lighter fare”, short jokes, funny blog posts etc. to share in the comments, feel welcome.

48 Replies to “Lighter Fare”

  1. A small boy was walking along with a basket of new borne kittens when He met Paul Martin Martin ask him what they were called The kid said LiberalsTwo weeks later he met the same kid and ask how his little Liberals were doing The kid said they are now called Conservatives How Come asked Martin Well the kid said they now have their eyes open

  3. Merry Christmas Kate,
    All the best of the Christmas season and here’s hoping there is a wonderful new year coming up.
    We fight for what is best for the country not a Party and you do it with a particular eloquence.
    keep on bloggin girl, we have miles to go before the vote . . .

  5. Since we’re having fun ….
    Jean Pelletier I see has been fired AGAIN!!! from a company dear and near to Choo Choo Man’s heart.
    He’s starting to remind me of that guy in the ceral commercial who keeps getting fired but keeps showing up at work.
    And anyone that tells you people who post comments in political blogs have no life. Get a load of this.
    I found a discussion forum on all prepackaged goods, including soup.
    http://www.rateitall.com/i-4215-campbells-condensed.aspx
    Here’s an excerpt.
    Campbell’s Condensed
    1. pomidor22 (0) , on 11/17/2005 1:07:00 PM, said:
    Let’s just say that this is not a soup for a person on the go. And it ends up costing more too. When you get it out of a can you need to mix it with milk (especialy if you buy broccoli and cheese) it calls for one can of milk and the soup. Well for this you nees to be at home the soup plus the milk does not fit in to a bowl. Less milk nees to be used. After microwaving the soulp and milk are still not mixed the condensed chunks of soup are just chilling there. You nees a goog tool to mix it up and that will cause a mess. So you pay about $1.29 for the soup and another 1.99 for milk. Oh, and milk needs to be in a cold place. So if you are looking for a quick on the go lunch I would not recoment it. But the flavor is good.
    2. texasyankee (22) , on 3/28/2005 6:45:00 PM, said:
    I tell you those commercials that talk down about campbell’s soup really irk me. They always taste good, I don’t care how old I am, I think at age 38 it’s still good. Although I love split pea and bean now, and when I was a kid wouldn’t have touched it with a 10 foot pole… unless a spanking was involved….lol
    THEN THINGS GET OUT OF HAND IN THE SOUP COMMENTS PAGE.
    3. robert mclala (22) , on 3/29/2005 3:00:00 AM, said:
    You rubes. There you go again smearing the good people at Campbells. You’re all hacks for the Progresso people. While you jerks have been slandering innocent people I sent an email to Charles Matheson, legal counsel for Campbells telling him about the defamatory stuff happening here in you’re bubble.
    Progresso will never have a chance of being No. 1 in sales with people like you shilling for them.
    FUCK THE PROGRESSOS
    4. Maz(22) , on 3/29/2005 3:15:00 AM, said:
    >>>>>>>$$$$$ What does the Kool-Aid Man$$$$ know about the Campbell soup twins?
    And how come those kids never age, could it be because of Gagliano>>>>>>###%%%%##@@^%%%%%###$$$$$
    Kool Aid Man is all mobbed up.
    http://www.meds.com/archive/mol-cancer/1998/11/msg03540.html
    Hi Everyone
    My mom’s oncologist just called me at home from Florida.
    I can’t believe it. I was very happy to hear her. Now this is what she told
    me.
    Mom will start new chemo-Camptosar on Wednesday. Mom needs to drink Kool Aid
    and eat campbells soup and potato chips. The oncologist said that diarrhea is
    common with this Camptosar. The onc has found that these foods offset the
    diarrea alot. Her office has noticed that since patients have taken these
    foods with this chemo their patients have between 1-10% of diarreha. Wow this
    is great.

  6. Aw to hell with it. Instead of Alberta & Quebec separating why don’t we just evict southern Ontario? The RoC doesn’t like that part of the country anyway!

  11. Is this true? If so, it is rather worrying….
    “Here in Canada we are in the midst of an election campaign. Combine this with too much egg-nog and moose-milk and folks can expect all sorts of silliness to be forthcoming. Folks embarass themselves at Christmas office parties, re-gifters embarass themselves by presenting a gift to the person that originally gave it to them and politicians just embarass themselves. Especially when they speak.
    Our current Defence Critic, Conservative MP Gordon O’Connor has our “special forces” troops, the JTF 2 in his riding. He has recently stated that he would like them removed from his riding and permanently confined to a military base because:
    “They’re very highly trained people who are trained in anti-social skills, I would call it – they’re trained to kill people in various ways. I would prefer them to be under iron-tight discipline inside a military base.”
    Hmmmm, I thought all of our soldiers were supposedly trained to kill people in a variety of ways. Knives, shovels, unarmed, rifles, grenades, etc, etc. Using this logic, by extension all soldiers would be anti-social. As would, I suppose, all police officers be.
    And what fun it would be to live in the retired Brigadier General’s fantasy world (yes, he is a retired zipper-head). Life confined to a military base for our soldiers, but we can’t keep a school-girl rapist-murderer in jail for life. And what to do with these soldiers when they release from the Canadian Forces? Apparently they wouldn’t be trustworthy enough to allow back into our society. So what to do? Deport them? Imprison them? Or perhaps, “special treatment” with a can of Zyklon-B would be more to the General’s liking? After all, it would save on those costly pensions that soldiers earn during their careers. ”
    British Army Rumour Service

  15. Hi, everyone and Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah and everything else.
    Ok, since we’re doing the lighter stuff, I have, just as I leave for my brother’s house and the fine festivities and everything in Halifax, a little tidbit about our soon-to-be-former PM:
    Paul Martin recently had an asshole transplant.
    The asshole rejected him.
    Surprised?
    Just kidding. But I’m sure y’all get the point!
    Well, my mind is a blank for the season, pretty much. Looking forward to enjoying two bottles of Wolf Blass I received yesterday. And to doing whatever the family dictates we’ll do, which I believe should be fun, especially if you’re three and five. Time to go into uncle mode again.
    Cheers!

  17. Merry Christmas Kate.
    I am really enjoying your posts over at the CBC Roundtable. If anyone should be PM, it’s you.

  18. Just in time for Christmas for our friends at the CBC….
    Bible giveaway may contradict education policy
    Last updated Dec 23 2005 08:20 AM AST
    CBC News
    A Gideon bible giveaway in Moncton, being run with a reverse-onus recipient card, may violate provincial education policies.
    Recently students at Edith Cavell elementary school were given cards declaring that they would receive free bibles if parents did not sign and return a card to the school.
    Parent Alison Menard-Agneu says distribution of bibles contradicts provincial education policy 120, which prohibits distribution of “materials that are of a partisan political or religious nature.” She says the fact that families can opt-out is beside the point.
    “Schools that operate within the department of education have policies for a reason,” she says, “and [they] need to follow them.”
    Gideons have been distributing bibles in the province’s schools for six decades.
    The provincial education minister hadn’t been made aware of the issue until the Department of Education was contacted by CBC News.
    The school district is investigating.

  19. Breaking: Cows Better Than Humans At Politics
    Recent studies on leadership in cows and other grazing herbivores suggest that intelligence, inquisitiveness, confidence, experience and good social skills help to determine which animals will become leaders within herds.
     The findings suggest that, at least among these animals, individuals are not necessarily “born leaders,” and that bullying, selfishness, size and strength are not recognized as suitable leadership qualities.
     “The fact that in groups of animals of different age, leaders are amongst the oldest animals suggests that it’s not innate, but the result of previous experience,” said Bertrand Dumont, lead author of a recent Applied Animal Behavior Science paper on leadership in a group of grazing heifers.

  20. Just sent a note Jack Layton telling him to flap his gums on the Ontario leg next time he wants to whine about the state of health care. Why Ontario – well from what I’ve been told it’s the most privatized system in Canada!
    http://www.ndp.ca/jack/contact

  22. PRAVDA election coverage today is as even as it gets.
    NDP — 4 headlines
    Tories 2 headlines
    Grits 1 headline.
    note the Marc(open pod door) Garneau”star candidate”is listed as an apology for an old speech. when they dragged out Harpers old speech is was announced like it was yesterday.

  23. Happy holidays to all. Best wishes to you and your families.
    Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck.

  24. Would to God that more leaders stand up and have the backbone to shine a light on the plight of this once glorious nation.
    We’ve become a nation of godless lethargic whiners and one hopes there is a God because He’s the only one who can get us out of this mess.

  25. Balinda’s Deal With the Devil
    Balinda was finishing up a day as MP for New Market Aurora when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer…
    “I am here to offer you a deal,” the Devil said. “I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents.”
    Balinda pondered for a moment and then asked, “Unlimited wealth and power?”
    “Absolutely unlimited,” the Devil asserted.
    “A pandering media?” she asked.
    “They’ll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do,” the Devil assured.
    “And you want my soul, my family’s souls, and the souls of my constituents?” she asked.
    “Yes. All of them,” the Devil answered.
    Balinda was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:
    “So…what’s the catch?”

  27. Or was it the devil said,” you’ll have to marry Rocky.” ….Oh forget it…
    Happy holidays to all.

  28. Peace and understanding for conservatives.
    A backbone for liberals.
    A clue for NDPers.
    Merry Christmas to all.

  29. Best Moonbat Blog Award Winner: Zero Comments Category.
    …
    Vote on January 23 and boot Stephen Harper’s butt back to the Alberta Bible College of Born-Again Gophers where he can resume his prestigious academic career. …
    For any of my daily responses
    during this election campaign,
    please check out my website:
    http://www.billcasselman.com
    posted by William Gordon Casselman @ 1:18 PM 0 comments

  31. Merry Christmas Kate and thanks for all the great reading during the year. You deserve all the accolades you get.
    Speaking of which, David Akin over at the CTV election blog has given you and Stephen Taylor credit for stories you both uncovered during this election. He also mentions the fact that bloggers are doing the work that mainstream reporters should be doing. Kudos to David Akin for telling it like it is, and also for his fair reporting during this election campaign.

  32. Here’s my silly joke for everyone:
    FART FOOTBALL
    Mom and Dad are in their eighties. They head off to bed and are just settling down when Dad lets fly with a resounding Fart. Mom springs awake and asks; “What was that?” Dad replies; “Fart Football. Score is 7-0.”
    A short time later Mom lets off a bomb and scares the bejaysus out of Dad. “What was that?” he asks.
    “Fart Football. Score’s tied at 7-7.”
    A little while later Dad lets go a squeaker and makes a mess in the bedding. Mom asks: “What was that?” Dad replies; “Half-time. Change sides.”
    Merry Christmas Kate and all readers. Keep up the great informative work.

  33. “This idea of Canada being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity,”
    Gosh I wish I said that…hey I think I did.
    “If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home … because God is part of our culture,”
    ……and our rule of law as per his/her/its appearence in the preamble of the charter.

  35. Can’t log onto wiki
    Help… I can’t remember my password.
    what do I do?
    Written by Meaghan Walker (Homepage) / Dec 18, 19:09

  36. Kate,
    Why aren�t you a tiny teeny bit embarrassed by the low level of intelligence on display here courtesy of your sycophants? I began to understand how a word like �sheeple� got coined while reading your supporters posts. If these people were MY “true believers”, I’d be looking for a smoother, more palatable method of spreading my disease, (whoops! I meant to type �message�!) The very public fact that these cretins support your opinions so strongly should be enough evidence for you (or, alternatively, an intelligent person) to question the tenets of your unquestioning faith in what is euphemistically called �conservatism� these days.
    People as prejudiced, hateful, uninformed, ignorant, fearful, and just plain dumb as the majority of your posting supporters are a bright beacon to any of us who come here to enquire into what the �right� is thinking. It certainly has only reinforced my opinion that your point of view bears no relevance to the actual issues confronting us in this time of confusion and change. Your purpose, like so many of the other tired and clich�d propagandists on the extreme right, seems to be to obfuscate and confuse through misdirection and out-right fraud. Just looking at the list of on-line links you presumably support is illuminating. Could the list include any more strident members of the screeching and wailing far-right? Could that even be possible? And what would be so threatening about referring your readers to a range of alternative viewpoints. Are you secretly afraid that your point of view would suffer by comparison?
    It�s as if you and your supporters have been stuck in some low budget time warp machine that only allows you to think and act like 70�s era Republican back room liars � a political approach most of the thinking people in the world have long since moved on from because we�ve recognized its irrelevance to today�s world. It was a fraudulent and discredited political philosophy even then and has been kept current only by the vast sums of money that are being spent daily dissembling to the greedy, the cowardly and the weak-minded amongst us by those who stand to benefit most by our collective confusion and ignorance.
    And you seem to be doing your tiny teeny best to continue with that “tradition”.
    I ask you again. Why aren’t you embarrassed?

  37. This is a timely variation on an old joke:
    Paul Martin, Stephen Harper, Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe are all travelling in a car that gets sideswiped and flies off into a ditch. When they wake up, they are all standing in front of St. Peter who is trying to locate their names in the Book of Life. After some searching, St. Peter looks up and appears rather embarrased.
    “There appears to be some mistake,” sayeth St. Peter, “none of you are due to be here yet. Tell you what, if each of you gives me $100 I will send you back to Earth.”
    “Deal!”, says Stephen Harper. He gives St. Peter $100 and is instantly transported back to the scene of the accident with not a scratch on him. Ambulances and police cars have since arrived on the scene. An officer runs up to him and asks where the other three party leaders are.
    Harper replies, “Last I saw, Martin said he had to create a trust fund to funnel the money through, Layton thought the government should have to pay for it, and Duceppe declared his intention to separate from Heaven.”
    Merry Christmas everyone 🙂

  38. Is deccoo really meaganwalkerwillies, aka Meaghan Walker?
    Contextual evidence points to that; to wit, the use of the word “conservatism”; conservatism is not an ideology. OTOH, MWW has more cl ass.

  39. By TOM VAN DUSEN, OTTAWA SUN
    CARLETON PLACE — Citing the fact 2006 is an election year, the Carleton Place Canadian has pulled all political columns effective with the current edition.
    The move follows Mayor Paul Dulmage’s column last week on immigration and dilution of Christmas which has generated controversy here.
    Canadian editor Dianne Pinder-Moss emphasized that Dulmage’s Christmas column had nothing to do with the decision.
    “It’s corporate policy not to give those in office a platform leading up to an election,” Pinder-Moss said. “We’d been discussing this well before the column in question.”
    Also affected are regular contributions from Carleton Place’s deputy mayor and the reeve of nearby Beckwith Township.
    “I’ll have to start my own newspaper,” Dulmage joked.
    tom.vandusen@ott.sunpub.com

  41. Bobby Mugabe gets the horn. Horns? Whose? Billy’s.
    Beelzebub, aka The Devil, has horns, also. “Rumours are mounting…” “horrible pain” >>
    Mugabe gets gored by billy goat.
    http://zimdaily.com/news2/article.php/20051221063315837.html ^
    Posted on 12/23/2005 7:13:05 PM PST by gop4lyf
    A billy goat did some rough, instant justice to the President when his motorcade stopped to refuel en-route to the eastern resorts of Nyanga. The president, popularly known as Bob got out to stretch his legs, and speak to a couple locals. He was holding a bottle of water, when a Billy goat developed a profound interest and chose to pursue it. Whilst Bob swung the bottle at the goat, it quickly and sharply pierced Bob’s scrotum, and large bowel. Mugabe’s notorious bodyguards seemed unable to prevent the attack as the goat lunged towards the president, perhaps the goat should be handling his security in future. By the time they reached Christmas pass outside mutare, the President was in horrible pain and had to be rushed to a secret location in Mutare for medical treatment.
    It is not clear why the president was visiting Nyanga but Zimdaily understands Mugabe has a secret passion for gambling. He is rumoured to have visited Montclair Hotel in Nyanga endless times to fulfill his gambling desires, as he cannot use the facilities in Harare Showgrounds for security reasons. Grace Mugabe, the president’s young wife, is believed to be in Pretoria doing what she does best, last minute shopping for Xmas.
    Rumours are mounting that the couple have a strained relationship and to be in separate countries so close to the festive season is a telling indicator that this is indeed likely to be true. It is almost common knowledge that they no longer sleep in the same bed, so this twist in events is unlikely to make that much of a difference to a marriage that seems to revolve around convenience. >>>
    http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1546381/posts

  42. CLASSIC VERSION:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
    THE END
    THE CANADIAN VERSION:
    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?
    The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
    The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
    The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant’s house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing “We Shall Overcome.”
    Sven Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.
    In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
    The ant’s taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
    The ant moves to the US , and starts a successful agribiz company.
    The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant’s food, though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to maintain it.
    Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.
    The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.
    The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada ‘s multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community.
    THE END

  43. As a Newfie, I’d like to dedicate this joke to all the Newfies who don’t like being called Newfies.
    Why wasn’t Jesus born in Newfoundland?
    Because they couldn’t find a Virgin and 3 Wisemen.
    Merry Christmas everybody. Keep fighting the good fight.
    Scott

  46. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you & yours, Kate, and to all your blog readers.
    Oh, and arthurdecco, you misguided ignoramus, go buck a fuffalo.

Proudly powered by WordPress & Skyrocket Themes

MENU

Navigation